A toast to the effort

What else can you say about Cheez-Its? They're the best!  Unique, well-crafted, consistently delicious, and easy to grab almost anywhere.  They've been a part of the "flavor game" for a while with almost 10 flavors in the market.  What most people DON'T know is that ONE of those flavors is "Extra Toasty".  That's right, you know the taste.  Every once in a while, you reach into a box of regular Cheez-Its and you find one or two that sat under the toasting lamp for just a hair too long and have a slightly more charred look/taste.  Well, the folks at Sunshine got smart and boxed 'em up.  

I was not surprised to see the banner at the top of the box, which reads "#1 requested Cheez-It flavor".  It's a logical idea that almost any Cheez-It lover can embrace. That's why I was surprised to find that the "extra toasty" are only available in select locations.  I went from store to store only to find the regular assortment of flavors ranging from Original to White Cheddar.  Therefore,  I want to preface the rest of this post by saying, if you happen to wander past these in the snack isle, they're worth picking up regardless of whatever you might read hereafter.

Of course, when the Fat finds this selection in a random store, what does he do? That's right, he buys 2 boxes for a head to head taste off.  After all, the idea of having a rival box that could potentially replace my "go-to" original Cheez-Its tickled my imagination.  I was obligated to see if Sunshine had really beaten their classic cheese cracker snack with this dark and stormy option.  It was a moral imperative!

What I found left me a little surprised, and a LOT more disappointed.  Although the extra toasties had that little bit of char that made them that much more delicious, Sunshine didn't embrace the whole idea of a "firm toast". Albeit, the definition of "extra toasty" is subjective, but I expected a dynamic difference between the "extra toasty" and the regular "Zits". I didn't really get that from these.  My tactic was simple: I tried one, then the other, and then tried handfuls of each separately.  When push came to shove, there was no dynamic difference between the two. When it was all said and done, the extra toasty didn't leave me especially satisfied, but rather wanting more of that toasty flavor throughout.  I guess what's deceiving about the extra toasty box is that it takes away from that magic of finding the "unicorn" in the regular box of Cheez-Its.  With the luster of finding the random "toasty" gone, it was tough to say that one Cheez-It far surpassed the other.  I do intend to try the "extra toasty" again, and may even go as far as to throw some of them in the toaster oven myself to see if I can draw more dynamic flavor out of them.

Needless to say, after the initial evaluation the bags were COMBINED to make the PENULTIMATE part of the tasting.  Together, these two flavors really just made the most exceptional box of Cheez-Its ever.  The experience overall left me wondering if SOME boxes of the extra toasty Cheez-Its are more "cooked" than others?  I have not yet had an opportunity to explore this idea further, as these are hard to come by. That's why I HIGHLY recommend (despite the lackluster review) that if you bump into these in your local grocery/bodega you pick them up to try for yourself.  I'm not done with the extra toasty Cheez-Its.  They're out there, and they're TOASTY!!!

Not Hizz... HERR'S!!

It's astonishing to me how little awareness a brand can have in the marketplace.  I'm constantly surprised by people who have never herr'd of Herr's (you see what I did there?).  They have no idea that Herr's is a brand that cranks out A TON of consistent "go to" snacks.  Most of the time, when someone comments to me that they've never had Herr's I say, "Sure you have. They make that dope cheddar popcorn in the orange bag" and then they get it.  However, as much as I follow the various chip purveyors out there, I've never noticed a truly unique product on the shelves from Herr's. Most of the time, there's just another popcorn, or a regular potato chip, but something recently caught my eye.    

I present to you Herr's Jalapeno Popper Flavored Cheese Curls

Look, I'm a loyal Cheese Doodler.  I don't subscribe to the "cheese curls are the same as cheese doodles" argument. Wise makes Cheese Doodles and all others are just knock offs.  Typically, I don't reach for the curl if the Doodle is available, but I was SO intrigued by the flavor profile that I had to grab this bag.  I was amazed at what I found inside.

Herr's really knocked this one out of the park.  Not only does this curl embrace every layered nuance of the popper, but once the delicious curl dissolves in your mouth, you are immediately compelled to grab another.  Let's be clear, this is NOT a Jalapeno flavored Cheese Curl. This is a Jalapeno POPPER curl. I'm pointing that out because Herr's makes sure to embrace the spiciness of the pepper with the blend of cheddar cheese and toasted taste of the deep fried exterior.  I was SUPER impressed.  After reading the back of the back (left) I was happy to see that Ed Herr himself had endorsed these bad boys, and I tipped my cap to him for the effort.  Better yet, if you had NOT noticed in the picture posted above, this bag is pre-labeled with a price point of only $2! That's right!


This reminded of the Doublemint gum of old, where the retailers are OBLIGATED to stick to a specific price point based on packaging (click to see reference).  I am a FULL supporter of this initiative.  I was able to walk into a grocery in NYC and walk out with a FULL SIZED back of curls for TWO DOLLARS!!  Thank you Herr's for not only creating a deliciously crafted snack, but slapping a reasonable price on it that all store owners have to universally abide to.  I threw my hand in there over, and over, and over again to the point where my digits started to resemble the curls that I was consuming.

As an even STRONGER endorsement, the group of dudes that I was eating in front of decided to try and ALL of them agreed that this was a unique and tasty snack.  Take it from me, it is VERY rare that any group of people will agree on a snack food.  This proved to be a great accomplishment on the part of Herr's.  From that moment on, I've been regularly asked about these curls, and to my amazement I only see them on limited shelves.  Go out and find these, folks.  They are DIVINE.  You'd be doing yourself a disservice, and ever person around you if you don't go out and buy the HELL out of this product.  You wont' be disappointed.  

The product locator on the Herr's website allows to you purchase directly from the company, but doesn't seem to have a specific locator that will tell you where these curls can be found.  My recommendation? Either buy them direct and have them mailed to your home, or take $2 now, put it in your purse, wallet, money clip or whatever, and be ready to THROW DOWN if you walk by a store that has these.  $2 of emergency money for curls.  $2 to ensure that happiness can be purchased at anytime, anyplace.   Because you're worth it - L'Oréal

A Whopper of a Halloween

Another Halloween has come and gone, and this one was fun.  The family rocked a FANTASTIC "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" theme that had been in the works since LAST Halloween, and the kid raked in a ton of candy with his fantastically convincing Mickey Mouse.

Unfortunately, there was a disappointing moment of the Halloween season. I have to speak up about how Burger King decided to celebrate this fun, and creepy holiday.

Please note: this will not be a typical FS update and may contain content unsuitable for squeamish readers. (no pics)

The Halloween Whopper was released on September 28th and The Fat picked one up on the evening of September 29th.  Of course, it was my intention to have this post released on Halloween Day, but I'll blame my other full-time obligations for my lack of punctuality on this one. Besides, I was having WAY too much fun on Halloween and the NYMets were in the world series, so I couldn't possibly have gotten my sh*t together for this post (no pun intended... but that's coming later).

There's not much to say about this sandwich, folks.  This experience was lackluster at best.  I heard there was A1 steak sauce baked into the bun, which gave it the black color, and that was the part I was the most pumped about.  I was really hoping for a rich, Worcestershire based flavor to add to the overall burger experience.  Needless to say, I didn't get it.

As you can plainly see in the pic to the left, there is NO way that the dark color of the bun could be created by using A1 steak sauce alone. There was definitely evidence of black dye or food coloring to enhance that deep black color.  Of course, I can't prove that definitively, (wait... can I? ... that's coming later)  To make matters worse, the burger was dressed with a delicious, but overwhelming spiced BBQ sauce, which added to the morbid, "bloody", appearance of the burger, but muddled any other flavors found in the bun.  I did tear off a piece and eat it on it's own, but still came up empty in the A1 department.  SO disappointing!  Little did I know what was yet to come.

After spending the rest of the day complaining to whomever would listen about how sh*#ty (hint,hint) the burger was, I decided that it was time to move on and pretend that the eat never happened.  I sat on the porcelain throne at home and began to put the past behind me.  However, when going through routine maintenance and "verifying departure", an unfamiliar color caught my attention.  Perhaps it was the lighting in the bathroom, or perhaps my TP wasn't a pure white? Nope... Something was off.  What was leaving this dark color skid mark?  Where is this deep, dark, almost forest green color coming from?  You guessed it: The Halloween Whopper!!

In all of its glory, the Halloween Whopper found a way to grab attention, even from the GRAVE. Apparently, the black dye permeated my poop and left this dark, ominous mass floating in the bowl. Sorry, folks, but it was impressive.  All of a sudden, I was giddy with amazement at this new phenomenon! I was more excited than when I was actually sitting down to eat the sandwich.  I thought it was HILARIOUS! What wasn't so funny, is that it continued for ALMOST 3 DAYS!!

It became a waiting game, and made every bathroom experience more exciting wondering if the Halloween Whopper would still show itself.  The following week, I noticed a flurry on the Internet about this issue, and there was a lot of concern being expressed from people about how this food affected their insides.  I, on the other hand, thought that the idea of my colon being coated in this black dye attaching itself to my poop was fantastic.  This was like having red colored pee after eating an excess of fresh beets, or getting that whiff of asparagus from the bowl only MINUTES after eating that stinky veg.  Different foods have interesting and fun affects on the body, and this was no different. I'm not going to praise Burger King for my suspenseful and exciting bathroom experience, but I will say that it made eating the sandwich worthwhile.

(please note: I really, really, really, really, really wanted to take pictures as proof, but thought better of it. I couldn't have Faturated Sats go down that road.  You'll have to take my word for it.  You're welcome.)

A quick shout out to my girl! (no, the other one)

She's always there when I need her most.
She's always provided for me without question or judgment.
She always keeps it fresh by introducing new and wild things into our relationship.

I'm talking about Wendy's.  I'll keep this one quick (if possible) because this is just a shout of praise.

Years ago, when Fat Mike wasn't so fat living as a starving artist in an apt with a roommate, and holding down 3 jobs, Wendy's was my primary source of sustenance.  She was close by, available whenever I needed her and within my budget.  Better yet, she offered me healthier, better prepared menu options than her clown counterpart, or that deceivingly charming tyrannical alternative.  Over the years, I've stood by her side while the industry assimilated to the criteria listed above and embraced the current menu model.  There have been high points and low over the years, but she always coaxes me back in with special items like a Bacon Mushroom Melt LTO, or a new Spicy Chicken option.  I should note that we've never been mutually exclusive.  I stray on occasion, and I know that she finds joy in serving others besides myself. However, when faced with a choice I find myself knocking on her door knowing she'll welcome me back with open arms.

During a recent family road trip, I found myself in need of a quick food solution, and had an opportunity to reunite with my always reliable lady friend, Wendy.  It felt like coming home, and I was happily surprised to find that she had recently rolled out some new items from the kitchen.

Yep, Wendy decided she wanted to try her hand at some BBQ.  I have to admit that I was a little skeptical of her ability to properly execute this genre of food.  After all, while I've celebrated her unique takes on staples like the burger and the chicken sandwich, when I see items like BBQ Pulled Pok/Chicken Sandwich, or Pulled Pork Cheeseburger I have to hesitate a little bit.

Since I was completely caught off guard, I was in no situation to be diving in to a full blown tasting of the BBQ menu, but I couldn't just let it pass me by. So, I reached for the most obvious way to properly judge the execution: BBQ Pulled Pork Cheese Fries.


Damn, these were delicious!  I was SHOCKED at how authentic the flavors were.  A little smoke, that familiar BBQ sauce that I so frequently soak my chicken nuggets in, a glaze of velvety cheese whiz, and fresh chopped red onion on top. The fries still had a little bit of crispiness to them, and the meat wasn't all artificial and spongey.  They were so good, that I used an "Instagram filter" for the first time just to add to the hype. (right) The real surprise came when I shared some with my wife (who is pleasantly aware of my intimate relationship with Wendy), and despite her obvious intimidation and jealousy, she agreed that the BBQ cheese fries were quite good.  This just solidified the rousing endorsement that Wendy had done it yet again.  Able to create an affordable, enjoyable dining experience in an industry typically likes to just throw together buzz words and random, low-quality ingredients.  Wendy, you are my shining start yet again.  Well done.

Lay's Do Us A Flavor Pt 4: West Coast Truffle Fries

Up until this point, I've been relying on the blood, sweat, tears, elbow grease, creativity, and culinary expertise of others to complete this pairing masterpiece.  For this last entry, I was confident that my love of food (and familiarity with Truffle Fries) made it possible for me to carry this heavy load all by myself.

First of all, I'm not really sure what qualifies as "West Coast Truffle Fries".  I tried to gleam a little bit of understanding from the commentary from the conceptualist on the bag, but that yielded nothing.

Instead, I decided to simply use the picture on the FRONT of the bag to replicate what I needed.  Aside from the potatoes that I used to hand cut the fries, I had ALL of the ingredients readily available in my pantry to bust out some homemade fries.  Yes, Fat Mike keeps white truffle oil in his pantry. Granted, it's been there for some time because a little bit goes a LONG way, but until you've dressed a really nice Ahi tuna tartar in your own kitchen with some fresh chives and just a HINT of white truffle oil, you'll never truly know why I keep that stuff on hand.  As I've said in the past, Fat Mike loves food.

After Chase Utley decided to slide into Reuben Tejada during Game 3 of the NLDS playoff, I decided to indulge in some late night cooking and chip tasting.  Needless to say, I was a bit aggravated, but that just put me in the zone for some french fry making.  After soaking my potatoes, and a few rounds of frying, these bad boys emerged.

As you can see, they are a fair likeness to the expectation on the bag. The only missing ingredient was the parsley garnish sprinkled on top and that was only because I was too lazy to go grab some from my herb garden at 12m.  Besides, when it came down to it, I was sure that the parsley flavor wasn't going to make or break the chip tasting.  Because I had to fry in batches, the crispiness was reserved to the top layer of fries, and I used those first few bites to set the bar for the chip to follow. Not to do too much horn tooting, but I think I hit the nail on the head with this execution.  A good, deep fry, but not overdone.  A nice amount of truffle oil to keep the fries fragrant, but not overwhelming. And to finish it off, a toss with some salt and a healthy helping of Parmesan cheese.  Delicioso.  The west coast gots nothing on Fat Mike's East Coast Truffle Fries.

Aside from the fact that I figured I could prepare the fries myself, the other reason for leaving this selection for last was because I figured it would be the easiest to execute for Frito-Lay.  As I stated in the SB&G post, the foundation is solid. For crying out loud, how easy is it to replicate a potato based snack with a POTATO CHIP?!?!  At this point, all of the regular readers (hahaha!) should know about my aversion to ridged chips, so I won't go into that.  Besides, I understand that Frito-Lay wants to offer the masses different chip styles with the assortment of flavors. I will say, right out of the gate, that this chip could've easily been served kettle cooked.  The ridged vessel is unnecessary.
And that's all I have to say about that - Forrest Gump 

When the flavor titles were first released, my first thought was that this was a brave choice because if the flavor was well received by the masses, Frito-Lay will be shouldered with mass producing chips with truffle flavoring, which is NOT cheap.  So, I tipped my cap to them for showing the world that they have more money than God, and they're not afraid to spend it.  However, they came up with an ELEGANT solution to that problem.  The chips don't taste like truffle AT ALL!!  It was amazing. I took a chip, ate it, waited, figured I'd missed something, ate another one, waited, rinsed my mouth out with water, ate another one, and waited again, but I never got truffle.  Sure, I got something that tasted like parm and herbs, but not even a false mushroomy attempt at truffle.  I was shocked and disappointed.  Truffle is an elegant and FRAGRANT flavor, and the chips didn't even SMELL like truffle.  This is the closest I've ever felt to being deliberately deceived by Lay's.  This cut deep.  It was hurtful.  All I was left with was a mouth full of disappointment, a bag full of RIDGED chips, and a heart full of sadness.  Thankfully, there was a large batch of homemade truffle fries to wash down the pain.  I felt like a million bucks in the A.M.

Since this is part 4, I'll wrap up with a summary:
No. 1 - Kettle Cooked Gyro - vibrant, delicious and well encompassing of all the flavors found in the Gyro.
No. 2 - Biscuits and Gravy - Better than NOT eating chips
No. 3 - NY Reuben - Unique in conception and rye flavor, but in no way replicant of a Reuben. Still...tastey.
No. 4 - West Coast Truffle Fries - I don't know what it's called, I just know the sound it makes when it LIES!! (if you haven't seen Tropic Thunder, remedy that immediately)

This was a GREAT experience.  Regardless of any lackluster reviews, I will ALWAYS tip my cap to the folks at Frito-Lay for putting themselves out there and taking a chance with consumers.  There's always a "weird" flavor in there that makes them look like weirdos, but I appreciate them for the pioneers that they truly are.  I will never paint Frito-Lay with a broad ugly brush by saying that they're losing their touch.  As A Tribe Called Quest once said, "You get and 'E' for effort, and 'T' for nice try" this year, but I'm sure that feedback like this helps to focus your energies and crank out some real gems for DUAF 2016!! Keep 'em coming, Lay's, you got it going on!

Lay's Do Us A Flavor Pt. 3: Southern Biscuits and Gravy chips

Southern Biscuit and Gravy Chips

What a unique idea for a chip? Actually, when you think about it the most cohesive chip ideas come from a nice, carb-centric base similar to a potato. That way, you already have the starch covered, and then you can focus on the "topping" that will coat the chip and bring out the vibrant, unique flavor you're trying to achieve.  That's why I went into this eat pretty confident of Frito-Lays ability to pull this one off.  The problem is... where do you find authentic Southern Biscuits and Gravy in the NY metro area?? Sure, I could search the InterWeb, or follow recommendations from friends to pay top dollar at a restaurant, but instead I employed the help of a SUPER chef, and long time friend to pull off this tricky pairing.

To your left are homemade "drop biscuits" courtesy of my buddy, "pirate Steve".  He's not an actual pirate, but he is a chef and does occasionally say, "Yar" when the mood strikes. I knew he was the one to approach for this undertaking. I told him what I was doing, and he was happy to accommodate. These bad boys were homemade, soft, delicious, and GORGEOUS. When he brought them over and presented them to me, I couldn't have been happier.  I know they are a slightly different "style" of southern biscuits that are different from the layered kind in the picture, but they are SO scrumtrulescent that they fit the mold perfectly for being representative in capturing the essence of a home cooked southern biscuit.  Then came the follow up punch...

This gravy was amazing.  Thick, creamy, and a little kick of black pepper for spice.  I know that the shot here makes it look overly thick, but I assure you that it draped over the biscuits like a velvet cloak.  Holding onto the natural fats nicely, this southern-style gravy had nice, chunky pieces of sausage and a rich, vibrany flavor that wrapped itself perfectly around the biscuits.  I realized that I had set myself up similarly to the Reuben by finding the ideal representation of Southern Biscuits and Gravy to pair with the Lay's chip.  Nevertheless, it was time.

I'm not sure if Frito-Lay was trying to mimic chicken or sausage gravy, but the pic on the front of the bag had me leaning toward sausage.  When you bit into the traditional dish, you get a gluttonous mix of cream, sausage, spice and fat.  It's divine.  Cutting through all the layers of cream, meat and carbs leaves your taste buds bouncing around from one satisfying taste to another.  However there isn't an overwhelming group of flavors to grab onto.  I became confident that the profile might be simple enough to replicate.

The chip itself is unassuming.  I was impressed at how little "color" there was in the spicing.  I expected to see some black color for the pepper, or some white sprinkle of powder, but for the most part the chip seemed a bit "underdressed". Nevertheless, I had faith and dove right in.

I get what they were trying to do.  As I stated earlier, there's already a solid base to work with around the chip covering that foundation of "biscuit".  Creamy flavors of what I can only imagine was a "repurposed" sour cream flavor were used to cover the creamy aspect of the gravy.  It wasn't so oniony to be a close correlation to the traditional Lay's Sour Cream and Onion chip, but it wasn't far off.  The problem was they forgot the pepper! Any strong chip enthusiast has grabbed the occasional bag of salt & black pepper chips, so I know first hand that there's no fear in having a peppery chip on the market.  In THIS application, that one ingredient was TOTALLY key.  Leaving off the black pepper is a cardinal sin.  I can't understand what made Frito-Lay overlook that spice, or think that this chip could be representative without it? That one ingredient would have elevated this chip from simply being the red-headed step child of the sour cream & onion, to its own functioning and independent chip in the snack-iverse.  It s a real shame that nobody in QA caught that one before it went out the door.  On a scale of 1-10, I'd give this chip about a 5 because it wasn't a fail, but it certainly wasn't a revelation.  Sometimes, it's the little things that get neglected and delate the overall result of the eating experience.  In a head to head battle with an authentic version of Southern biscuits and gravy, this chip just didn't cut it.  Even if it were being used to remind someone of the biscuits and gravy experience, I would say that if you stared at the bag long enough while you were eating it, you could convince yourself that the feeling was there.  If anything, it was a nice side with the dish itself, but by no means could it stand on its own.

In case you were curious... yes... I shared. I wasn't allowed to eat my "special snack" without him.

Does my son eat off a Mickey Mouse glove plate almost every day??
To paraphrase Jack Nicholson, "You're #@!%-damn right he does!!"

Lay's Do Us A Flavor Pt. 2: Kettle Cooked Greektown GYRO

Part 2: Kettle Cooked Greektown GYRO chips

They said that it couldn’t be done.  They said that it was too ambitious.  They said that it was a gross idea.  I have no idea who “they” are, but if they're out there somewhere, I’d like to address them directly with this post: You're CRAZY. It’s been done, folks, and it’s been done well.  

First, of course, allow me to provide a little back-story because it wouldn’t be Faturated Sats without one. 

On the same day that my son and I kicked off this four-part saga with our deli drive, my wife was unfortunately spending her day at work.  Sure, she was curious why we would have driven 30min for lunch, but she knows not to dig too deep with questions attempting to diagnose my ridiculousness.  She came home not feeling so great and didn't have much of an appetite.  The boy and I had been gallivanting all over the place and snacking all day.  Understandably, I wasn’t going to cook a meal if there weren’t a group of appetites to satisfy. As luck would have it, she was in the mood for soup, and one of our favorite places by our house makes a MEAN chicken soup that she really loves. (Where are you going with this, Fat Mike?) 

Because I’m a dutiful and doting husband, I immediately decided that it was my responsibility to get her the soup she loved in order to help her feel better. But when I picked up the phone to place the order,* I realized we were ordering from a Greek restaurant!*  It was soon after that phone call, that this happened:

Having only finished my investigation of the Reuben chips hours before, I went into this eat with a bit of skepticism.  The Reuben experience had taken the wind out of my sails, and I wasn't sure how this next round would turn out.  Last year, Lay's rolled out the Cappuccino flavored chips and the prospect of a Gyro flavored chip seemed to be garnering the same public reaction of, "Ewww... what's that?" The Fat is always willing to take a chance and, believe it or not, I was looking forward to trying these, but after the Reuben experience I found it difficult to believe that the layered flavors in a Gyro could be captured on a chip.  I was happily surprised to be proven wrong.

Think about it: The spiced lamb, the Tzatziki sauce with dill and cucumber, fresh tomatoes, lettuce, red onion, and a soft cooked pita to wrap it all up like a warm blanket.  Mmmm...  Fat Mike loves the Gyro.

I took a couple bites of the Gyro and then followed up with a chomp into a delightfully spiced, kettle cooked chip.  It immediately perked me up, and I almost did the equivalent of a "double-take" looking at the bag in shock.  I reached my hand back in the bag and took another, then another, and then another.  Needless to say, it went on pretty much the same thereafter.  Before I knew it, I was eating more of the chips than I was of the Gyro itself.  My wife looked at me pleasantly and said, "Ah... so THAT'S why you went to the Greek place?"  Thankfully, my mouth was too stuffed with chips to reply.

*disclaimer: It's important to note that all my wife said was that she wanted soup.  I knew I could get away with helping her feel better while executing my shenanigans at the same time.

This was truly impressive.  You can see on the chip the different color combinations that make up the flavor dust.  Similar to a "Cool Ranch" there is a multitude of ingredients that all dance on your taste buds to achieve the artificial sensation of gnawing on a real Gyro.  Fat Mike was re-inspired by this find.  It's true that any kettle cooked chip will have a distinct advantage over the traditional or "ridged" executions, but I think it was the necessary vessel to hold onto the depth of flavor offered with the Gyro chip.  This one has the potential of being a REAL winner in the "innovative flavor" portion of the judging.  But the question is, will it drive revenue if released into the market? Will people be able to overcome their skepticism and take a chance if it wins? Will it be a surprise impulse purchase for chip buyers?  We can only hope that it wins and we find out.