You down with CCOC? Yeah, you know me... sorta.

Somewhere between Halloween and Thanksgiving I got it in my head to attempt to make Candy Corn on the Cob.  Yes, that's right, Candy Corn ON the Cob.  I'd seen a couple of attempts on the Worldwide Inter-Web, which fueled my drive to accomplish this myself, but there were mixed reviews and even some who claimed this couldn't be done.  I'm here to tell you that it is NOT an easy task, but with a little bit of tenacity, some innovative thinking, and an outright refusal to accept defeat it can be achieved. Is it worth the effort? I'll let you decided (and throw in some personal commentary while I'm at it).

This was all spurred when I received and email that had a picture claiming that the cob center was made of banana.  In typical Fat Mike form I thought to myself, "Oh, so even though it's COVERED in candy corn, it's got a healthy center! Let's do it!"  Sometimes I find it necessary to justify these things to myself in order for these shenanigans to make more sense while doing them... I digress. 

I started doing some research and found that claims behind the banana center were wildly exaggerated.  Apparently, there was a VERY low success level due to the fragile nature of the banana. Typically, when attempting to make Candy Corn on the Cob, one uses rolled cookie dough as the cob which allows for the candy corn to sit firmly and comfortably.  This did not deter me from still attempting to get the banana to work, but after turning a few bananas into a gooey mush, I knew I had to think this through a bit further.

That's when it hit me! POW!  There's no need to abandon the banana in favor of the cookie dough... why not use both? That way, the nutritious center can be maintained and the candy corns can still be properly applied! I felt like a genius.  All I had to do was roll out the cookie dough and roll it around the banana.  This meant that Fat Mike's version of Candy Corn on the Cob would be a banana, wrapped in cookie dough and then lined with candy corns. Easy enough, right? WRONG!

The slick exterior of the banana made it almost impossible to keep the cookie dough wrapped around it. Even when I tried stuffing the banana into the cookie dough, the slippery suckers would just fall right out.  This would not do.  I had to think even FURTHER out of the box if I was going to pull this off.  That's when it dawned on me.  How do you eliminate the slick exterior of the banana? Coat it in chocolate! That way, the cookie dough could adhere to the chocolate surface as opposed to being directly applied to the banana.  I got all my ingredients ready, and we were read to go.  Just to be clear, this now meant that Fat Mike's version of Candy Corn on the Cob was now: a banana, coated in chocolate, wrapped in cookie dough, and then lined with candy corns.  Mmmm...

The bananas ranged in size, of course, but after the previous experience working with bananas I knew it might take a few attempts to get it just right.  Notice that the tips of the bananas were removed in order to create the illusion of a natural corn cob with the trimmed ends.

Next, I set up the double boiler and melted some chocolate.  The bananas were dipped in the melted chocolate, placed on parchment paper and then refrigerated for about 30 min to firm up.

Finally, it was cookie dough time.  I REALLY wish that I had been able to take video footage of the application while I was working with the dough and bananas, but alas these things that I do for myself do not typically draw a crowd of helpers. :-)  Needless to say, the process was messy and difficult.  When working with cookie dough, Fat Mike always recommends having a small bowl of water handy.  Similar to working with Matzoh or other binding ingredients, the water keeps the cookie dough from sticking to the chef's hands instead of their intended surface.  It doesn't keep your hands from being a huge mess, but before I started using the H20 I was basically wearing cookie dough gloves and eating most of the ingredient. Haha  When it was all said and done, I was ready to start applying the candy corns.

I feel obligated to point out that the reason why my cobs look like 3 lovely, squeezed out pieces of poo is because I used cookies and creme cookie dough rather than straight sugar cookie.  I wasn't going to buy chocolate chip because that would just add a crunchy texture and could possibly interfere with the candy corn placement.  Also, I suffered from growing pains learning the grocery store after my recent move (see previous posts) and the cookie dough seemed to be the only smooth option I could find. (I found soon after that I was looking in the wrong place for cookie dough and simply bought the "boutique" stuff that was being offered,,, if you weren't aware... I'm an idiot)  Now that my poo *ahem* I mean my corn cobs were ready, I started applying my candy corns.

This had to be done in stages because the cobs would start to soften slightly the more they were handled.  I had to apply a couple rows of candy corns, then place in the freezer for a few minutes, and then start again. All in all, the process took me roughly an hour and change from "soup to nuts", but the final result was pretty decent.

Obviously, it wasn't perfect, but I was able to get the cobs successfully made to a point where they were reasonable facsimiles of what I had seen posted elsewhere. The eating was a whole other process all together.  Because of the fragile nature of the product, I was forced to use a knife and fork to cut the cob in sections as I ate.  However, the rounds that resulted made for an EXCELLENT mix of banana, chocolate and sugar.  Make no mistake, candy corn is just straight sugar and it is more noticeable when you're eating it with cookie dough and chocolate.  Nevertheless, I enjoyed myself and was able to have a little bit of fun experimenting in the process.

Time for the commentary.  Would I ever do this again?  HELL no.  Why? First of all, I think I'm the only person on the planet who could and would eat this.  I don't see this being something that a lot of people have a sweet tooth for. In my experience, candy corn has a limited fan base, and this is a LOT of candy corn in one snack.  Additionally, the execution is lengthy and inconsistent.  Even if I were going to whip this up as a show piece or a novelty item the presentation isn't dazzling enough to be called impressive (as you can see above) for even someone more anal retentive than myself.  Regardless, it's a fun activity if you find yourself with a butt-ton of leftover candy corn from Halloween or whatever, and if you're brave enough to put the work in there is definitely a sense of accomplishment when it's all over.  Other than that, I can't say much more about this snack.  Side note: eat it early if you make it.  Fat Mike was up until almost 3am after getting this bad boy down. Sugar is a helluva thing. :-) 

A Three Flavored Sendoff

This is LOOONG overdue, but better late than never.  In my defense, it's been a bit busy these days and I haven't been setting aside enough time to keep updating about some of the new eats. You'll be happy to hear, however, that I think I'm getting back on track so keep checking in at Faturated Sats to find out what's on the menu these days. :-)

The big news these days is that I recently relocated back to my hometown, in my home STATE of NJ. That's right, folks, Fat Mike is now posting from the dirty jerz!  Before my move, however, I was given a gift from one of my buddies.  He was walking through his local supermarket and made an INCREDIBLE discovery that he was pleasant enough to share with the Fat.

Banana Creme, Strawberry, and Chocolate Creme Twinkies

Do not adjust your screen settings.  Those are REALLY 3 NEW FLAVORS of Twinkies that you're looking at.  I can't believe that it's taken this long, but it's finally happened!  I was overjoyed. Immediately, I knew what needed to be done.

(from left to right) Tradiitonal, Banana Creme, Chocolate, and Strawberry

In order to ensure balance in the tasting, a box of traditional Twinkies was purchased to round out the whole experience (hence the number above).  At that point, I was able to site down and do a thorough eat to see whether the new Hostess was able to pull off this magical, multi-flavored feet.

I'll tell ya, this was a delicious undertaking.  Anyone who knows the Fat knows that he LOVES Twinkies, and I was very happy with what the Apollo Global Management and C. Dean Metropoulous & Co. have done with the new Hostess.  After tasting all 3, the banana definitely stood ahead of the rest.  Obviously, personal taste factors into these things and I am admittedly a banana enthusiast.  However, others that joined in the fun agreed with my evaluation.  What can I say? Some people are chocolate people, and those folks picked accordingly.  I'm not gonna fault them for their loyalty. In the Fat's humble opinion, however, there should be NO question that the greatest success can be found in the banana.  The biggest loser was the strawberry, without at doubt.  It wasn't just that the flavor seemed too artificial (even for being piped into a yellow snack cake), but that there was an "off-pudding" textural issue that was apparent to me and other eaters.

Do you see those deeper reds in the picture?  Weird, and noticeable.  It served as a stark reminder that you are eating artificial, processed food that is not of this Earth.  That's not something that an eater needs while trying to gorge on something like a Twinkie. Each bite of a Twinkie is divine, and shouldn't be marred by reminders of what it takes to achieve that magic.  This was an unfortunate side-effect of imagination, but it certainly didn't take away from the experience as a whole because the only thing better than having a Twinkie, is having a multitude of Twinkie flavors to choose from.
But it didn't end there...

Banana Creme (on left), Chocolate Creme

And so, the two were combined to create "The Banana Chocolate Twinkie!!  Obviously, I didn't have the time or the inclination to open all the Twinkies to ensure that I found the ones with the most ample amount of creme filling.  However, I had enough confidence that the consistency of the process had stayed true after the company changed hands.  A perfect mix could only be achieved with proper knife skills, so I divided and CONQUERED! I was very happy with the end result.

Being able to actually see the blend of banana and chocolate was a point of pride.  Regardless, I swear this was an experience that I had been waiting for since childhood.  I imagine this is what Unicorn turds taste like.  It brought me back to my first Carvel soft serve experience when I bit the bullet and ordered the swirl ice cream, and then realized that things only got better when you mixed two good things together.

If you are a Twinkie enthusiast, like I am, then I highly recommend trying the new flavors.  If you're NOT, then I highly recommend trying the new flavors because the options are intriguing.  You're no longer constrained to craving a traditional vanilla Twinkie if the mood doesn't strike.  Grab a few new ones, mix, match, double down, gorge, and enjoy.  Well done, new Hostess.  Keep 'em coming.  Fat Mike's flavor suggestions include:  coconut, key lime, cheesecake, and cookies 'n' cream.  Mmmmm

What Makes Butter Better? Cookies.

So, a little while ago I was introduced to something that BLEW my mind.  Cookie Butter.

Speculoos Cookie Butter - available at most Trader Joe's

If you read this blog enough, or even remotely know Fat Mike in real life, you know that I LOVE peanut butter.  I have a habit that constitutes about a jar a week, and I go at it with a spoon on most occasions.  That's why, when I heard about this revelation, I was a little bit tickled to try it out.  At the same time, I was worried because I'm not necessarily into things that are just (as Geoffrey Zakarian would say) "cloyingly sweet".

I opened the jar and saw a creamy, peanut butter-like consistency, and as I spread my spoon through it I knew that I was in for a treat.  The taste was like creamy, mild graham crackers and gingerbread, with a little bit of a sugar cookie, peanutty essence to it.  It was like heaven.  So delicious.  I will say that one of the things I like about PEANUT butter is the versatility.  Even though I'm one of those folks who just goes at it by the spoonful, peanut butter can go on many vessels from plain saltine crackers, to celery or apples.  Cooke butter, however, doesn't necessarily have that freedom.  To me, this is a jar food.  I could just sit, and scoop, and eat, and scoop and eat, and be happy.  I couldn't think of many different ways to use it, or to add it to anything besides the occasional piece of breakfast toast (an English Muffin perhaps? Mmmm)  This does NOT take away from the treat of keeping a jar in the house at all times to dip into once in a while.

As I raved about this new discovery, it was brought to my attention that there was an origin cookie for this spread, commonly found in German delis.

Spekulatius butter cookies

Luckily, there was a German deli nearby and soon I was eating Spekulatius butter cookies with cookie butter spread on top! This was divine.  Obviously, it's like eating an omelette sprinkled with crushed, hard boiled egg, but if cookie butter was so delicious why not jump the shark a little bit?  After all, I was trying to see whether getting the cookies could substitute for the cookie butter, and that was obviously not the case. Cookie butter in itself is genius.  The root cookie, while delicious, doesn't bring the same wow, or pizazz that the jarred stuff brings.

Little did I know, that this is not a unique item that has just lurched it's way into supermarkets. As I sang the praises of cookie butter to other folks, I heard that there was a "crunchy" version that people had eaten as kids.

Initially, I thought that the crunchy cookie butter would be similar to chunky peanut butter.  Did I really want something that had little bits of cookie crushed in it?  It didn't seem very appealing after enjoying the smooth and tastey initial sampling of cookie butter.  But everyone insisted that it's not the same, and that if I liked the Speculoos then I would LOVE the Biscoff.

Yo...
For reals...
This stuff is ridiculous (that's good).

I couldn't believe it.  I had a spoonful and I almost freaked out.  Sure, there's crushed cookie in it, but it's finely crushed and mixed throughout the spread.  When you take a spoonful, you don't just get chunks on the spoon.  It's like a fine, granulated cookie essence that lives on every spoonful.  As I showed it to other people, all of a sudden I kept hearing, "Oh, Biscoff! Sure!"  Next thing I knew, I was noticing in the peanut butter isle of my local grocery store.  Had I been blind to this the whole time?  Apparently.  My focused love for peanut butter had never allowed me to see what was sitting next to it on the very same shelf.  Biscoff cookie spread is an addictive jar of happiness.  This was a game changer for the Fat.  It just goes to show ya, there's always a sweet surprise out there somewhere. Enjoy.

Finger Cups

Ok, who knew about this and didn't tell me?  Apparently, there are BUTTERFINGER PEANUT BUTTER CUPS??????

I can't take credit for discovering this on my own.  This was brought to my attention by a colleague, but I was thankful to find out that I'm not just losing my touch and missing these gems in the candy isle.  They're not everywhere.  I'm unsure what drives the sales of items like this, but it appears that Butterfinger Cups are most abundantly available at CVS stores, and in limited quantities at Safeway and Kmart.

In the interest of full disclosure, Fat Mike is a bit of a peanut butter enthusiast.  When it comes tot he traditional PB&J sandwich, I lay off the sweet stuff and slather on some creamy, all natural Smucker's (for the record, my stirring technique cannot be beat). However, I do have a soft spot for staples like Jiff and Skippy.  After all, a guy's got to get his peanut butter fix somehow, right? At the same time, Fat Mike loves Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.  I could eat 100, NAY 1000 if the mood strikes.  Nevertheless, I always have time for a "crispity, crunchity, peanut buttery" bite of a Butterfinger.  I typically find myself gorging on Butterfingers during the Halloween season, and that's why I was so ecstatic to find this new discovery and give it a try.

Just like McDonald's has the golden arches and McDowell's has the golden arcs, the first thing I noticed is that the Butterfinger cup is square (see picture above).  However, the cup itself is slightly thinner than a traditional Reese's cup in my estimation.  So, I don't think Butterfinger offers any additional value in size or volume (right).

However, this experience is NOT meant to see whether the Butterfinger cup would be BETTER than a Reese's, but how they would capture the essence of a Butterfinger in the smaller, thinner cup vessel. There's only one way to find out.  I went out and got myself an original.

\



You can already tell from the picture shown of the Butterfinger cup above that there is some serious texture lacking when compared to the original candy bar.

I don't know who in their right mind thought that Butterfingers could stand alone on the merit of the peanut butter FLAVOR. There's a reason why the ad geniuses of the 90s put the "crispity" and "crunchity" in front of the peanut butter part.  That's what makes a Butterfinger unique, and this cup has stripped the Butterfinger of its identity.  This is just another example of a company deciding that competition is necessary to add a few coins to their pocket book without taking into consideration the value of the brand they had already established.  It's shameful.

When I first saw the Butterfinger Peanut Butter Cup, I was upset.  Upset by the fact that this had been kept from me.  Upset by the idea that this existed without my knowledge.  Afterward, I was upset that the candy bar had to carry the same brand name.

Here's to you, Butterfinger candy bar.  I respect what you do, I'm thankful for the happiness you provide, and I appreciate what makes you special.

Happy Fourth of Ju-LAYS

As promised, the fourth Lays flavor:

Lay's "Do Us A Flavor": Cheddar Bacon Mac & Cheese

If everyone read the Father's Day Oreos post, you were introduced to "Fitz".  Well, he rears his head again with a HUGE contribution to FaturatedSats.  

Every Monday begins with a 4hr status meeting, but this Monday was different as I arrived at my desk to find this glorious, seductive, golden bag sitting waiting for me.  To my surprise, Fitz and his lovely wife Stephanie had come across these in their local supermarket and decided to generously donate them to the Fat so that the sample set could be completed.  Thanks to you both.

Obviously, this meant that the meeting had to be COMPLETELY derailed, and the Fat entered, guns blazing with the bag of Cheddar Bacon Mac & Cheese for all to try.  Sharing with friends only enhances the experience, in my opinion.

These chips, as expected, were well received.  The flavor title alone is so inviting that people instinctively lunged toward the bag to taste them.  The CBM&C  did not face the same hurdles as the Cappuccino with hesitancy from eaters to dig right in.  Once you taste them, it is easy to understand why.  They are delicious.  One of the GREAT things about this chip is that the bacon is not overwhelming.  Adding a bacon flavor to a snack vessel is dicey because sometimes it can just translate into a deep smoke that overwhelm the palate.  This chip just has a light dusting that is hardly noticeable until the flavor sinks in just moments after the first chip.

One of the problems I had with this chip, however, was the use of the cheese flavor in the chip.  I couldn't help but think about Sour Cream & Cheddar chips (of any brand) right after popping the first chip.  Perhaps it was how they were trying to execute the macaroni portion of this flavor, but there wasn't a deep, cooked flavor in the cheese.  As a matter of fact, there was almost a brightness, which is what made me think of the sour cream.  Without that deep richness, I wasn't completely blown away.

Nevertheless, I had no trouble polishing off the rest of the bag over the course of the workday.  I would CERTAINLY grab these off the shelf (if I could ever find them in MY grocery), but we have to remember that this is a voting situation ("thanks DT) and I just don't think that I would choose this over the Wasabi Ginger.  I'm not really sure why these chips are not more readily available in all supermarkets, but I HIGHLY recommend trying to find them if you can to decide for yourself.

I'm voting for the Wasabi Ginger.

Do Us A Flavor Breakdown

While attending a wedding in Rhode Island with a bunch of friends and I received an email AND text with the picture below that read:

"Party in our room when we get back from the store?"

Needless to say, I was SUPER pumped!! Knowing my passion for snack food and how excited I was to try these babies out, my incredibly thoughtful friend (who shall remain nameless, but is mentioned in previous posts as the enabler of this blogging mayhem) decided to grab these new Lay's flavors the moment he saw them.  (And, yes, he was purchasing watermelon and bottled water as the originally intended "snack").  If you're an enthusiast like me, you've already noticed that there is one flavor missing.  Unfortunately, I haven't been able to find the 4th flavor (Cheddar, Bacon Mac & Cheese) in any local stores, but I'm working on it. Obviously, I'll post a follow up once the 4th is found and tasted.  In the meantime, here's a breakdown:

Kettle Cooked Wasabi Ginger - I'll go on record saying that this chip is DIVINE! Of the 3 tasted there was NO DOUBT that this was the clear winner.  Even my buddy had already opened this bag when we met up for the tasting.  Clearly, there is a unique but harmonious flavor profile going here and Lay's even managed to throw in a slight hint of soy to round out the delicious, clean, and slightly spicy kick of these chips.  The fact that they're kettle cooked only adds to the positive eating experience.  Could this flavor fly on a regular Lay's potato chip? I think so. However, the kettle cooking process just marries the flavor deeper into the chip and creates a crisp vessel that doesn't simply melt in your mouth and muddy up the eat.  Well done, Lay's.  This was a fine selection.  There was a FANTASTIC bar across the street from the hotel we were staying in (Brewskis), and I decided that I was going to bring the chips with me in order to get a consensus from the rabble rousing crew I was hanging out with.  During the 500ft walk, I polished off the whole bag of Wasabi Ginger chips.  Fat Mike likey da Wasabi Ginger. Mmmmm....

Wavy Mango Salsa - I'll open by confessing that I'm not a fan of the wavy chip in the first place.  Since my early chip eating days, Ruffles were the first bag that I scratched off my "Favorites" list.  Something about wavy chips has always left me with a bad taste in my mouth.  PUN INTENDED!!  After years of eating research, I realized that it's not the manufacturers fault, but a shortcoming in my own eating process.  I tend to eat chips very enthusiastically, and the wavy chip doesn't lend itself well to my aggressive style.  When Fat Mike throws a load of chips in his face, there is a tendency to break down the pile by pressing against the roof of the mouth.  Wavy chips always leave a mild soreness behind that just serves as a reminder that buying regular potato chips in the first place would've been the better way to go. In addition, I'm never impressed by the way that wavy chips hold onto their flavor.  Oh well, just never been a fan.

That being said, it wasn't going to deter me from trying the Mango Salsa chip! After all, I've always trusted in the folks at Lay's to know what they were doing, and I believed the wavy chip served a higher purpose.  Unfortunately, I was met with similar disappointment that I've been experiencing my whole life.  I completely understand that the Mango should serve as a sweet undertone to the chip, but in order to do that there needed to be a better execution of the salsa flavor.  I think Lay's ended up stumbling into more of a Pico De Gallo application than a "salsa".  The light freshness of the chip combined with the sweet had a tendency to overtake the mild spices after multiple bites.  It just wasn't exciting, and combined with the wavy chip deficiency coming out of the gate, it was hard for the Fat to stick by this one.  If someone offered me a bag, I wouldn't push it away, but I won't be spending my $3.49 on them at the store any time soon.

Cappuccino - Saving the best for last, you wonder?  Hahahaha

Dear Executives at Lay's: I admire the brave choice to release this chip.  I'll tell you, folks, there has not been a SINGLE person (and I'm not exaggerating) that I told about this new flavor who reacted with anything except disgust and negativity.  A chip enthusiast like myself finds flavor choices like these exciting and interesting, but "normal folks" are much harder to impress.  Perhaps it's blind faith that the people behind the magic curtain wouldn't put it out there if they didn't see some appeal in it? Perhaps we've gotten to the point where Lay's just wants to see how many dumb-asses out there (like myself) would buy these things? Perhaps the flavor scientists just wanted to pat themselves on the back for pulling it off?  Whatever the motivation, and despite the overwhelming reactions I had received from others, I was ready and willing to dive in and see what they got.

I have to say, I was pretty impressed.  They definitely nailed the flavor by relying heavily on the cinnamon sprinkle that is typically topped on a nice, foamy cappuccino.  That relationship between salty and sweet works pretty well in desserts and cooking, but is pretty hard to nail down on something as small and simple as a potato chip.  Needless to say, it didn't go over to well with the 15 people I shared the bag with.  Fat Mike was perfectly content to keep going back for more, but most were turned off after the first chip.  In one case, a girl bravely dipped her hand in the bag to grab a taste and immediately after it got into her mouth she spit them onto the table, frantically scratching at her tongue and chugging her Bud Light for relief. Hahaha.  It was quite a reaction, and I needed to share it for any of you out there who think that you want to brave the murky waters of the cappuccino chip.  

This is not one of those circumstances where I'm going to encourage people to go out and try them because they are a happy surprise.  If you are genuinely curious, then by all means go ahead.  I think you'll find, as I did, that while the folks at Lay's were able to nail the flavor profile, there's really no need to sit down with a bag of these chips in ANY circumstance.  I tried to think of an appropriate time or event where I'd add a bag of cappuccino flavored chips into the equation: a BBQ, watching a movie, sitting on a park bench? Alas, not one yielded a "yes" response.  Too bad, cappuccino chips.  You were a brave choice, but I don't see you taking home the gold, or getting many stellar reviews during this year's competition.

There you have it.  Keep an eye out for the CBM&C post.  Like Daniel Day Lewis proclaimed to Madeline Stowe in "Last of the Mohicans", "I will find you! No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you!"  Or perhaps the great Wayne Campbell when he said, "She will be mine. Oh yes, she will be mine."

Silver Bagged Guerillas: AKA Doritos Pt. II

The secondary definition of "guerilla" is: referring to actions or activities performed in an impromptu way, often without authorization.  That's the way I do things when I'm walking down the chip isle, and this definition also works for the subtlety with which Doritos executed their latest crazy scheme. 

I can't take direct credit for this discovery.  Believe it or not, my wife was the one who informed me about these test flavors after wandering into a random Sheetz. Needless to say, I was taken aback when I saw these silver beauties (below) starting back at me walking through my local supermarket. I knew (as I always do) that it was my responsibility to try them first hand to understand what was going on.

Apparently, Doritos recently decided to release "test flavors" into the market, and then let people vote for their favorites.  However, unlike the Lays tests, Doritos opted to use nondescript, silver packaging and a numbering system to keep people TOTALLY guessing.  I respect the HELL out of this because it allows eaters to have a completely unbiased experience.  They can't just read a flavor profile and develop preconceptions beforehand.  The consumer needs to commit to opening the bag, reaching in, and popping that chip in their mouth just to satisfy the sheer curiosity. A brilliant move.  For someone like myself, however, it means grabbing ALL 3 bags off the shelf and bringing them home to find out what this was really all about.  I've provided a breakdown below, and each is accompanied with an ASSUMED goal that Doritos may have been going for. 

This was the first to get opened, and I gotta say it made it obvious there was something special going on.  There were some dark spices on there, and while the smoke was apparent there were subtle sweet notes like brown sugar and chocolate.  It was hard to decipher what exactly was the root flavor that #2653 was going for.  However, after some thought I realized that the Latin roots with the hints of sweet seemed similar to ingredients used in a Mole.  If you are unfamiliar, a Mole is a deep, rich sauce used in Latin cooking that incorporates (something like) 25 ingredients, one of which is chocolate.  You'll see chefs on cooking competitions try to whip one of these sauces up if a secret chocolate ingredient is introduced.  Needless to say, this test flavor was perfect in its subtlety and mystery. Not too overbearing, and easy to eat.
 

Test flavor 404 definitely brought a new style to the table.  This bag slaps you in the face with notes of citrus, garlic, and something like a funky cheese.  It's unique in that the profile was really hard to pin down. When sharing with a couple of friends to gather other opinions, some even tasted hints of lemongrass and thought this was meant to emulate a Thai flavor of some kind.  I, on the other hand, found it very reminiscent of the "cheesy garlic bread" that Lays rolled out last year.  Granted, the citrus is noticeable in Doritos flavor profile which sets it apart for sure.  Nevertheless, I couldn't envision myself grabbing a bag with the intention of taking it down in full during one sitting.  It's rare for me to find a reason NOT to take down a whole bag, and so it is worth noting that my willingness to purchase this over the myriad of other options would be inhibited                                          by that fact.

Finally, we come around to test #855 aka the Red bag.  Once the chip is tasted, the color of the bag is a dead giveaway.  This was a nacho flavored chip to be sure, but bigger, bolder, and more in your face.  Most might hear that label "nacho" and think, "what's the big deal? Doritos are always nacho flavored."  The difference is that THESE are not simply meant to coat the chip in a nacho cheese, but rather a plate of prepared nachos similar to what can be found at a local pub or chain restaurant.  A noticeable coolness of sour cream exposes the flavor profile intention.  It's amazing how the chip is able to encompass the entirety of a quality nacho order.  Smokey beef chili, a bit of jalapeno spice, onion, tomato, sour cream and (of course) the cheese.  I could eat bag after bag of these and then move on to a plate of restaurant nachos just to seal the deal.  It's obvious that nobody understand nachos better than the folks at Dorito, but I'm not sure if I'd vote this my favorite because of that fact.  Why introduce another "nacho flavored" chip to the market? It's not that it's unoriginal, far from it, but I'd rather take part in bringing something with a little more imagination if it's gonna be left in my hands.

However, as I always say, now it's up to you to decide for yourself.  Go to your local store and grab these test bags.  I can only hope that the guidance I have provided will guide your hand out of curiosity to see if you share my sentiment.  As always, thanks Doritos for keeping it lively out there, and using your collective scientific minds to keep snack enthusiasts like myself on our toes.

Old news, but BIG news. AKA: Doritos Pt 1

I promised to get caught up, so here goes.  This represents part 1 of 3 updates about Doritos and how our friends at Frito Lay are changing the world of snack foods.

On February 10, 2014 (I know this is long overdue), I caught wind via the World Wide Inter-Web that 7-11 was carrying a limited edition product called "Loaded Doritos".  Fat Mike was like, "What What Whaaat?"

Thankfully, after doing a little research I found that a 7-11 in DC was participating in this limited release, which was great luck because there were only a few stores on the entire east coast!

Once I found the location I did what EVERY dedicated husband/snack food enthusiast would do... I made a Valentine's Day reservation at a restaurant in Washington DC 1.5 miles away from the 7-11 in order to grab these rare snack items and sample them first hand.



Well dressed, and overly enthused, I walked into the 7-11 ready to sample this strange, new snack.  I was elated when I found that these hidden gems lived in the same warmers that store the wings, pizza, and hot dogs.  I immediately knew that I was in for a treat.

The woman who was working behind the counter plucked my intriguing treats from the enclosure and packaged them in the above referenced cardboard vessel.  I was anxious to dig in, but stopped to capture the moment with my phone first.  In a hilarious exchange, the woman helping me decided to ask why every time she served this item to someone, they always stopped to take a picture?  I briefly explained as best I could that this was a limited edition item, and very few people even know about it's existence.  It was apparent that she had NO idea that her store was carrying this special item. It made me even happier that I played a part in educating this employee about the revolutionary snack food gracing her establishment.

When you initially grab a loaded Dorito from the container, it mimics the feel of a mozzarella stick.  It has a hearty feel to it; firm and fried.  The difference is that the texture is a little more rigid because I think they used flecks of Doritos in the "breading".  There's definitely some peppering of light herbs, but nothing fragrant or overwhelming.  The real magic happens when you bite into this warm, cheesy snack.  The cheese filling is a nice, spicy nacho flavor that doesn't mirror the Dorito exactly, but certainly offers a tip of the cap to the best chip on the market.  Yes, Fat Mike LOVES Doritos.  I'm an enthusiast for the chip isle in general, but my "deserted island" chip would definitely be Doritos (of any flavor).  Don't expect to take a bite and have the cheese ooze out of the loaded Dorito.  This is more of a dense cheese that is RICH with spicy nacho flavor, like one of those Laughing Cow cheeses.  Long story short, I support this snack wholeheartedly.  I was happy to have been able to try it, and was very happy with the execution overall.  I don't know if these are still available, or whether Frito-Lay has decided to proceed with a full release of this revolutionary snack, but if you're wandering past a 7-11 and see a promotional poster in the window definitely swing in and drop a couple bucks to try it out.  You'll be better for it.

This was a great experience, and I would be an idiot if I didn't specifically thank my very patient and forgiving wife for allowing me to take this short detour on the way to our Valentine's Day dinner.  You're the best.

Father's Day Oreos

Hap, Hap, Happy Father's Day!

I can't believe my last post was on March 29th!! Sorry for the lapse in posting.  So much has happened since then. So much has been eaten and discovered!  There is SO much to get caught up on.  Here's the plan:  I'll get you up to speed with the most recent snacking breakthrough and then follow up with some miscellaneous follow ups, so keep an eye out.

I tend to find excuses for indulging myself and breaking new ground in evaluating snack foods.  Father's Day yielded the "perfect storm" of circumstances for this post.  As I walked through my local supermarket, I noticed that Oreo had just released TWO limited edition flavors, and to make matters WORSE the cookies were on sale 2/$6.  Day after day, I've walked by the cookie isle and never realized that Nabisco had made GREAT strides in diversifying the flavor portfolio currently on the market.  My eyes scanned over the myriad of choices in front of me, and I was reminded of the purpose I am meant to serve. Why choose? The only way to know for sure is to try them all.  7 packages and $21 later, I found myself with a formidable and fun amount of cookies to evaluate. (The odd number will be explained)

Limited Edition flavors: (from top) Banana Split, and Reese's Peanut Butter Cup

(from top) Birthday Cake, and Mint flavor

(from top) "Milk's Favorite Cookie" the Original Oreo (for baseline comparison), and Chocolate flavored

Pretty as a picture

Hip, Hip, Hooray for Father's Day!!! 

First, I'd like to comment on the proportion of cream filling.  None of these Oreos were labeled as "double stuff", but there was definitely a disparity in filling between the original and ALL the rest of the flavors.  Snack food companies always assume that more sugar = better flavor and that will make more people will like the cookies.  I do not share this viewpoint.  The great thing about the Oreo is the even distribution of cookie to cream.  There's no need to "shoot the moon" just to get people on your side when you're being innovative!  Reel it in, Nabisco.  No need for the tricks.

Now that I'm off my soapbox, let's get down to business.  Without a doubt, the Reese's Peanut Butter Cup Oreo beat out the rest in The Fat's world.  One should never scoff at the idea of peanut butter and Oreo cookie. However, the shared real estate with the chocolate filling was a bit unnecessary.  I don't know whether the use of chocolate and peanut butter was a choice for Nabisco, or if it was mandated by Reese's in order to stay true to the brand? ("You put chocolate on my peanut butter!").  Nevertheless, I would be remiss if I didn't comment on the fact that chocolate filling on a chocolate cookie just doesn't do anything for me.  *Disclaimer - you won't find any additional comment on the Chocolate flavored Oreo... what a waste of time!! Totally disappointing and pointless*

Next, came the Banana Split.  I was pretty excited about trying these because I am a "banana guy" for most things.  (In his heyday, Fat Mike was ADDICTED to Carvel Banana milkshakes.  It was almost his undoing... but I digress). As with the chocolate on the previous cookie, the mixture of banana and berry just didn't do it for me.  The difference was that the addition of the berry flavor was overly sweet/artificial.  I know that sounds ridiculous while I'm evaluating cream filled cookie snacks, but there's no other way to say it.  I think it was because of the fact that it wasn't a specific berry flavor, but sort of a mixed berry.  It was fragrant and tasty, but just not something that I would eat an entire package of in one sitting, which is the mark (of course) of a truly tasty cookie.

The remaining flavors are all readily available in the cookie isle of the supermarket and don't share the immediacy of the limited editions.  Of the remainders, the true winner would be Birthday Cake without a doubt.  The mint Oreo, while delicious, serves almost as a palate cleanser when compared to the other cookies.  Sure, it's refreshing, but when there are so many other mint cookies out there (hard to beat those Girl Scout Thin Mints) it seems unnecessary to rely on Oreo for that fix.  Birthday Cake is tough to beat.  Fat Mike LOVED that cookie.  It was right up my alley.  The moment I opened the package, I was slapped in the face with that bold, birthday cake fragrance, and like the final scene of Ratatouille I found myself transported back to my childhood cutting into white cake, or soft serve ice cream with colored sprinkles. The creation of the Golden Oreo was a great first step, but filling them with birthday cake flavored cream took it over the top.  I would eat an entire package everyday and twice on Sunday if I were going to truly commit to ruining my life, sacrificing my health, and alienating my family.

"But wait, Fat Mike, I only count 6 flavors", you must be asking yourself.  Well, there was a dark horse that was purchased solely for evaluation and not comparison.

Fudge Cremes

These were SURPRISINGLY divine.  I was taken COMPLETELY by surprise with this.  Obviously, they are not in the Oreo category because they are not a sandwich cookie.  These are simply Oreo bottoms coated in fudge.  But, I'll be damned if they weren't FLIPPIN' DELICIOUS.  I ate a BUNCH of these, and while you get fewer in a package than normal Oreos, they are worth it.  The Fudge Cremes are also available in Coconut and Mint flavored.  I HIGHLY recommend trying them if given the opportunity.

Finally, since I now had 7 packages of Oreos in the house, my wife forced me to take them to work.  I enthusiastically invited many of my co-workers (who tend to expect this sort of ridiculousness from me) to share in the experience.  Below is a comprehensive breakdown that was emailed to me by a kick ass guy I work with, so I wanted to share it with you all. The simplicity of the numbered rating system is fantastic. Fitz, you are the man!!

Fitz’s Official Oreo Report

**Note: They were eaten in this order, with a small sip of coffee in between to cleanse the palate.

1.   Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup

a.    4/5

                                          i.    Good peanut butter flavor

                                         ii.    Marries well with chocolate

                                        iii.    Peanut Butter could have be a little smoother

2.   Banana Split

a.    3.5/5

                                          i.    This one caught me by surprise

                                         ii.    Fruity crème, not too shabby

                                        iii.    It has to be good for you, it has fruit in it!

3.   Mint

a.    5/5

                                          i.    Amazing

                                         ii.    I could eat 10 of them

                                        iii.    No complaints

                                       iv.    Love it

4.   Birthday Cake

a.    4/5

                                          i.    Happy Birthday to me!!!

                                         ii.    Enjoyed getting away from the chocolate

5.   Chocolate Crème

a.    2/5

                                          i.    Too  much chocolate

6.   Vanilla Crème

a.    3/5

                                          i.    OG, #thatisall

7.   Fudge

a.    10/5

                                          i.    Yes, it’s that goodJ

Taco Bell Breakfast

The day finally came.  March 27, 2014 marked the launch of the new Taco Bell Breakfast menu.  This is something that Fat Mike had long looked forward to.  Some of you may have just found out about this new phenomenon from the FANTASTIC new ad campaign that launched this week: Guess Who Loves Taco Bell Breakfast??  However, I've been following this progression slowly for the past few months when I heard that Taco Bell was testing this new menu is select locations on the west coast.  Thankfully, they decided to go nationwide, and I jumped at the change to do a comprehensive breakdown of whether "ringing the Bell" at 7am was TRULY worthwhile.

It's important to note that not all franchises are serving breakfast quite yet.  Thanks to the handy (and free) Taco Bell app, I was able to find a location that was perfectly placed during my commute to get what I needed.

The picture above represents the entire menu available for Taco Bell Breakfast.  Granted, each comes with a choice of either bacon or sausage, and all choices were made as "game time" decisions on site.  The one exception, as you'll see, was the Waffle Taco because that was the marquee item that I was looking forward to the most.  I guess that's as good a starting point as any.

By far the most disappointing part of the experience.  When I first heard about this concept, I thought to myself, "This sounds amazing. I wonder how they're gonna pull this off?" They didn't.  The idea works on paper, but it's IMPOSSIBLE to get a crisp waffle. Inevitably it just turns into a lifeless, dense, chewy waste.  The Fat's not sure what he expected, but high hopes are always on the menu.  The mixture of imitation waffle, with imitation egg just didn't come together as happily as hoped.  Luckily, there were plenty of other options.
With the failure of the Waffle Taco behind us, we'll move on to the Steak Breakfast Burrito:

This was delicious.  But let's be honest... an infant can make a breakfast burrito.  This was something that I knew would be reliable choice going in.  The fact that Taco Bell could properly execute a breakfast burrito was NOT a surprise.  Nevertheless, it is certainly a worthwhile choice if you mosey into a Taco Bell between 7-11am and decide to give breakfast a try.  There's not a lot of flash, just egg, cheese, and steak that blend perfectly together with each bite.  Good stuff.

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Taco Bell AM Crunchwrap.  This was a devine breakfast experience.  Cheese, egg, an your choice of bacon or sausage (this one had sausage), topped with a hash brown, wrapped in a flower tortilla and pressed into a convenient, delicious pocket of happiness.  This is a great demonstration of creativity, innovation, and execution.  I was immediately happy with the way this turned out.  I would HIGHLY recommend trying it.  I took a brief pause after each bite, and tipped my cap to the divine beings that came up with this breakfast item.  Way to go, folks.  Yo quiero AM Crunchwrap forever and always.
These next two items were pretty simple in nature and delivered a satisfactory experience for what they were.  The first was the breakfast taco (below left), which in my mind was more of a quesadilla.  Nevertheless, easy execution with the flour shell, eggs, bacon, and light sprinkle of cheese to round it out.  For a quick snack on the go, it serves it's purpose.  Next was the sausage flatbread sandwich (below right).  Not a lot going on here.  Just meat and cheese. No egg.  Simple and easy for folks who don't crave a lot of "flash" with their breakfast.  Sometimes you just want meat, cheese, and bread.  I get that.  Not a terrific option, but easy and necessary for a well rounded menu.

To finish off the meal, the Cinnabun Delights.

Wow, these things are ridiculous.  These seemingly innocent DDMunchkin look-alikes are sinfully good treats.  Instead of being dense cinnamon donuts, these are hollow cinnamon sugar treats that are INJECTED with Cinnabun frosting.  As my friend eloquently put it, "These are for popping".  To bite into these treats is to sell the experience short.  Simply throw one in your mouth, and they explode sugary happiness into your face (yes, i know, but I can't think of another way to put it).  Sure, they're a bit greasy in there from the frying process, but that just adds to the gluttonous goodness of the whole experience.  They come in 4packs or 12 packs for those who may decide that they only want a DOZ of these bad boys for breakfast. (whoever you are...)
Overall, the menu was top notch.  I'm very happy that Taco Bell has decided to get on the breakfast train.  Simply easy food.  The best part is that this ENTIRE order was just a bit over $15.  I had estimated higher than that and was happily surprised.  That incentive alone is enough reason to walk in and try for yourself.  Keep in mind, they're still trying to learn their craft, so I was probably waiting for my order for a good 10-12 minutes, but that was a small price to pay for the whole experience. I'm sure they'll get it down soon enough, but don't wait... just go and try for yourself.  Happy eating.