McDonald's Fu#@!*g Breakfast

As has happened in the past, The Fat is blessed to have friends that embrace his enthusiasm for experiencing all he can in the world of delicious food.  In this case, the team effort came from a work colleague who knows how to have a good time, and when to cut loose for stuffing the face.  Thanks, Sam.

The Ultimate McDonald's F$@!%ng Breakfast

I'm sure that when McDonald's restaurants announced that they were doing an All-Day breakfast menu, there were plenty of people who thought, "well, that's a nice change. Maybe I'll take advantage of that one day?"  Fat Mike, on the other hand, saw this as an opportunity to take his McDonald's experience one step further.  Thankfully, The Fat was not left to tackle this adventure alone.  What is the intention, you ask?  To take the best of both menus and put them together to create an epic eating experience and elevate McDonald's to the next level.

To the left, you have The Fat Mike order: a traditional Quarter Pounder with Cheese, Sausage Egg McMuffin, and a Hash Brown. Below, Sam's contribution: An order of Hotcakes with a Premium Buttermilk Crispy Chicken patty.  At this point, it should be noted that the all-day breakfast menu only has a limited number of items available.  The intention was to use McGriddles for the Chicken Sandwich, but that item is ONLY available during regular breakfast hours.  See here or a list of items typically available depending on location.

Obviously, the intention is to marry the two menu items together in the best way possible to create a cohesive and delicious sandwich. NOT just combine every single ingredient.  In the case of the quarter pounder, the English Muffin was cast aside for the sesame seed bun. In addition, I opted to leave off the hash brown to be added later after diving into the initial burger, egg, sausage combo. Sam opted to leave the typical veggie fixin's off of her Chicken Hotcake Sandwich and obviously chose the buttermilk execution of the chicken options.  However, the decision was made to add syrup to the Chicken Sandwich to create a more "chicken and waffles-like" feel.  These are individual choices on the part of the eater and are not to be criticized.

It is incredibly difficult to describe how epic this eat was, and how perfectly this execution went down, but I'll try anyway.

There were no size disparities or need to augment any ingredients in order to create these two Franken-Sandwiches.  All ingredients were fresh and hot.  Admittedly, there was a much longer wait time for the hotcakes, but they were cooked to perfection nonetheless.  Sure, the waste is a side effect of the crossover, but as you can see from the pictures there was plenty of reason to look forward to diving into these bad boys.  Although I was able to taste both sandwiches, we'll open with my QP breakfast because it was my intended brainchild for the visit. 

The first bite was exactly as I had envisioned.  What surprised me the most was the great division that the egg provided between the dressed burger patty, and the bit of spice from the sausage.  The onions, cheese and pickles added and omelette-like feel to the whole sandwich, and that perfectly firm egg that's expected from the McDonald's breakfast blended beautifully into the experience. Damn, it was good. The ONLY way that this could get better was to finally throw in the hash brown.  Admittedly, the sandwich can stand alone without it if you don't feel like throwing down another $1.50, but I had already decided to test it out. 

 The greasy, salty and mushy element succeeded in making the sandwich a little tastier and more gluttonous.  The difference between the first bit sans hash brown was simply the guilt.  Nowadays, putting an egg on a burger isn't that big a deal.  If anything, it's been overdone to the point of becoming cliche.  However, when done at McDonald's it's hard to overlook the quality of the ingredients that you're eating.  I don't typically subscribe to the "guilt" of eating fast foods, but once the hash brown found it's way onto the Franken-Sandwich I tasted that things may have gone a little too far.  In addition, you can see that the stack was a bit of an undertaking.  For the average eater, that might have seemed daunting, but the Fat had no trouble.  That being said, I sat back in my chair and savored every bite until the sandwich was nothing but a memory.  Are there better $12 burgers in NYC? Of course there are.  But I know there are a lot of legitimate McDonald's fans out there, and if you're one of those folks wander in and give this a try.  It's worth it.

I know what you're wondering: How was the Hotcake Chicken Sandwich? It was good.  Was it a revelation? Unfortunately not.  I think that there was room for negotiation in terms of how the "sandwich" was constructed, but the whole thing came together as a typical "chicken and waffles" style dish. Reflecting afterward, perhaps the McMuffin portion of my sandwich could've provided a stronger vessel for the whole thing.  In THAT case, the stack would've been: Mcmuffin/ pankcake/ syrup/ chicken/ McMuffin. However, this would've required trimming the pancake slightly and possible cheese residue left over from the McMuffin sandwich from which it was lifted.  That would've effected the overall cleanliness of the eat, and was an afterthought for good reason.  All of these combined thoughts and reflections made it obvious that the ideal combination for the chicken sandwich would be the McGriddles, but that requires deliberate timing and intention.  The sandwich combos that are noted above can be obtained at ANY time of day if the mood strikes.  That offers substantial advantage when contemplating the crave.  Keep this in the front of  your minds, folks.  You don't just have to be in the mood for Mickey D's breakfast when you walk into a franchise in the middle of the day.  This new menu option opens up a wealth of opportunity for McDonald's loyalists to get adventurous and see what wondrous combinations are out there to be made.  

  

Brach's the Casbah (or The Cream of the Candy Corn Crop)

Candy Corn Tasting!!

Tis the season for Candy Corn!!

Here's how this went down: Someone in my office brought in a bag of "Gold Emblem Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn" and left it in the communal space for all to consume.  Nobody knew who planted it, but dialogue started to spatter around about why someone would leave the candy corn out there.  Are they giving it away because they didn't like it? Are they sharing it because it's so delicious? Eventually, it came out that some people DESPISE candy corn on a cellular level.  This exposed a feud between groups which inevitably led to the declaration that the BEST candy corn on the market is made by Brach's, and that there was no way that this his Gold Emblem stuff could hold a candle to Brach's Pumpkin Spice candy corn if it exists in the market.

In the end, it was up to the Fat to ensure that this dispute could be settled in a definitive manner. Having a finger on the pulse of the snack world, I knew that Brach's would have a product locater on their website. I was able to track down the Pumpkin Spice flavor, and a convenient purchase location close to home.  Little did I know, that by opening Pandora's BRACH'S (you see what I did there?) I would find\a myriad of alternate flavors in addition to the seasonal flavor that I was looking for.  Aside from the traditional candy corn that we all know (and only some of us love), additional flavors included:
Pumpkin Spice, Caramel, Smores, and Caramel Macchiato.
Please note: the flavors chosen were readily available at a single location. Two additional flavors (peanut butter cup and fruit creme) were not included in the tasting.

We'll start with the intended Pumpkin Spice taste-off.  As you can see, there was an obvious visual difference between the Emblem's and the Brach's.  Brach's had a more traditional looking candy corn with an orange base, while the competitor went with the brown cinnamon look for their execution.  At first, I viewed this as a distinct advantage because I immediately thought to myself, "ya see? Brach's knows what their doing!"  To my surprise, this created a drastic difference in taste between the two in a surprising way.  The Brach's corn was MUCH sweeter.  The use of the cinnamon base by the Gold Emblem folks made for a much less abrasive sweetness and a slightly more "authentic" pumpkin flavor.  However, there was something "off pudding" about the overall taste of the Gold Emblem corn and how the flavors broke down together during the eat.  Neither one was really "pleasing" to eat a bunch of.  Either could be considered something that a kid would try in their grandparent's candy bowl and not go back for seconds.  If I were going to declare a winner, I'd say that Brach's lost the group vote. Some stayed loyal to the brand, but The Fat was \more satisfied by the Gold Emblem alternative as well as other office eaters.  Gold Emblem is a CVS brand, and the day might come when I wander into a CVS and grab some traditional candy corn to try out after this tasting.  However, I wouldn't seek out CVS corn as a Brach's alternative.  Eh, I'm weary of the whole "pumpkin spice" thing anyway.



Now, let's get down to the other flavors.

It is very rare that food (of any kind) kicks up a gag reflex, but hot damn if those S'mores flavored candy corns aren't one of the NASTIEST things I've had in a LONG time.  I was SHOCKED at how gross those candy corn were.  I'm not sure what the exact problem was because the flavors were so muddled, and I didn't want to dig back in for a more comprehensive breakdown. Just trust me when I tell you... gross.

The Caramel were decent, but as you can see in the picture above there was no white element to the candy corn.  I think this was because it would introduce a vanilla flavor to an otherwise consistent caramel flavor, but that just made the whole corn a little lackluster.  It was just too much of one note. There was no nuance or depth of flavor to the corn, which made it boring and lifeless.  Eh...

The dark horse was the Caramel Macchiato. When asked what the grossest flavor was going to be before ANY of the bags were opened, the universal answer would be "Caramel Macchiato".  But I'll be DAMNED if this wasn't one of the more delicious candies I've had in a long time.  The balance of the coffee with the caramel, and then (of course) the addition of that milky, vanilla that you get just from the tip (yeah, I said it) was perfect.  I thought I might have been going crazy from the mediocre S'mores experience, so I cleansed my palette with some traditional corn and then threw back a few more Caramel Macchiatos.  Yep, it was still good.  I was so impressed.  This flavor vanished quickly afterward because I just couldn't put it down.  I would definitely seek this out for a future eat, or perhaps a bring to a party with a group that is candy corn friendly.  Surprising.  Go check it out for yourself.

Ah... the refreshing, sugary, and delicious taste of the original.  This can't be beat.  I don't need to remind fans out there how good it is.  Just remember that it's out there more than just once a year. Mmmmmm....

Posthumous Posting

Taco Bell's Daredevil Loaded Grillers

This edition of FatSats opens with an apology.  Normally, The Fat is able stay on top of what's out there in order to properly notify the blogosphere about new menu items currently available in the delicious and ever-changing world of food. Unfortunately, I've been delinquent in my duties (haha, I said dooty).  This latest post contains information about a delicious release from Taco Bell which is no longer in market: The Daredevil Loaded Grillers.  Many eaters, and fans of the Bell (including myself) were unaware that these menu items were part of a LTO, and that's why pages like this (click here) have been popping up all over the Internet.  I apologize for not getting this out in time.  It fell off my radar for posting, while the experience lingered in my memory and the pictures lived on my phone.

Apology accepted? Good. Let's get to it.

This fantastic addition to the already glorious Taco Bell menu had 2 things going for it:  there were 3 different grillers all varying in hotness, and they were all just a bit over $1 (depending on tax).  How could anyone NOT run to their nearest location to give these grillers a whirl?  Of course, there was NO WAY that I could avoid doing a side-by-side evaluation of the temperature/flavor differences, so I got all 3 at once.

The temperatures were: Mild Chipotle, Medium Habanero and Fiery Ghost Pepper.  Those of you who had the pleasure of reading my last post regarding Ghost Pepper chips from Trader Joe's have already endured my soap box opinion of misusing the Ghost Pepper title in a flavor profile, so I won't rehash that nightmare.  Nevertheless, Taco Bell is never afraid of throwing a little fire in the food, so I was reasonably excited at the prospect of a fiery griller from the folks at The Bell.

Each wrap is crafted individually, so I'm not going to pick apart the contents too much.  I don't really care about which had "more meat", or "less sauce".  The focus of this post will be on the flavors and how the different degrees of heat measured up.

The Chipotle was decent. (see left)  The smokiness typically found when using chipotle pepper was there, and married well to the other ingredients like the ground beef and the crispy red chips. Nevertheless, chipotle is a fairly common taste at The Bell and doesn't offer the eater a new or unique experience.  The flavor permeates through the cheese sauce and carries through the entire eat.  However, as with other items on the menu, this subtle, smokey sauce just blends together with the meat and doesn't "jump" out at the eater.  It works really well in the griller, but isn't something that would draw me back through the doors for a "reap-eat". (Comment if you think I should trademark that word or submit to Webster's. Definition: a) being compelled to eat something a 2nd time, or b) a food that is SO good it is worth eating until you die from over consumption)

The Habanero was a 

REVELATION! (see right)  There was SO much done right with the balance of flavors, and the bite that you get from the pepper in the sauce was perfect.  You can see in the pics that the peppers added to the sauce stand on their own and atop of the additional ingredients in the griller.  It had a unique zest of flavor that grabbed my attention from the first bite.  Additionally, there was an IMMEDIATE difference between the chipotle and the habanero. The smokiness was set aside for a refreshing mix of what tasted like jalapeno and roasted poblano.  If anything, having the chipotle first made the habanero eat better because it provided a stark basis for comparison.  I was a big fan of this griller, and were I to petition Taco Bell to bring back the Daredevil grillers, I would at least request that they reincarnate this singular flavor.

At last, we close with the "Fiery Ghost Pepper" griller.  Taco Bell always likes to issue challenges to their loyal eaters, and this was obviously what the "Daredevil" title was all about.  My hope was that TB would be granted some creative license to push the envelope a little further than most who claim that something will be "Ghost Pepper" hot.  For a few moments before the eat, I was a little bit scared that they'd really bring it, but alas I was disappointed again. Keep in mind, I'm not a "spice seeker", but I have an expectation that when people develop these foods they intend to market them accurately, and I hate when lies are revealed.

All this griller had was more heat.  There was nothing that contributed a better flavor to the experience.  I think there was some additional spice in the red chips that are in the griller as well as more spice in the sauce, but there wasn't anything else unique or composed that made the eat more enjoyable.  There wasn't any smoke like the chipotle, or depth of flavor like the habanero, just meat and heat.  Fat Mike broke into a bit of a sweat, but that's to be expected. 

If you sit down with the intention of eating all 3, then the fiery option makes for a nice finish to the challenge, but I would never recommend that anyone eat the fiery griller alone.  It's just not worth it. It's not hot enough to be considered a challenge, and there isn't enough of a balance in the flavors to claim that it's "good".  The habanero outshined all others by FAR.  I really wish that The Bell bottled up the cheese sauce they used in that griller and put it on shelves in the local grocery stores. Additionally, I wish that all of you loyal readers out there could go an experience it for yourselves.  I apologize for the tardy review, but at least I can offer you a heads up to go and grab this if it peeks it's head back out into the market.  Keep your eyes peeled, folks.  I habaner-KNOW you'll love it!!

Did I just see a GHOST?!?

Nah... It was just those crazy folks at Trader Joe's.

I gotta open with a shout out to my bro's-bro, Ari, for calling these to my attention.   I always appreciate hearing about what's new out there, and I encourage ALL readers to reach out to Fat Mike ANYTIME with suggestions, or items you come across that you think I should try.  As a reminder, I always welcome guest posts should you decide to take on any unique snack yourself, but if you haven't got the gumption...I'll tumble for ya'.

Before the review, there are a couple of things that should be made clear.  I am not a regular shopper of Trader Joe's.  I don't "hate" on the store by any means, but it doesn't typically offer things that draw my enthusiasm.  My wife swears that this place has great stuff, but every time I'm in there it is such a crowded and disorganized mess that I leave it to her to navigate those treacherous waters.  The bag of chips that are pictured above were purchased by my beautiful and accepting wife for the specific purpose of this tasting.

In addition, I'm VERY much against the "Ghost Pepper" flavor claim that is permeating the food market lately.  Remember a while back when everything was "Artisan"?

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/artisan

There were Artisan Tostios, Artisan Subway melts, Artisan Wheat Thins and all sorts of other foods that were either produced on a massive scale, or lacking anything related to a "high quality ingredient".  It became a label and nothing more.  Totally ridiculous and misrepresented in every way.  The same has happened to the Ghost Chili.  Allow me to drop some education on y'all people.  Chili peppers are measured in "Scoville Units" (see picture below)

As you can see in the chart, your "run o' the mill" Jalapeno can average about 5k Scoville units.  The Bhut Jolokia (or Ghost Chili) pepper measures 1 MILLION Scoville units.  This bad boy is FIREY hot, and there are GREAT eaters out there who have been sent crying to their mamas after even taking a bite of one of these mofos.  Therefore, it is INCONCEIVABLE  that any company could release ANY food to the general public that could promise the "Ghost Chili" experience.  Nevertheless, as someone who appreciates hot foods I can understand why using the name would help to distinguish the "hot" stuff from the "ghost hot" options in the market.  Nevertheless, I walk into every experience with a little bit of skepticism.

Now that my ranting is over, let's talk chips.

 The first thing you notice is the weight and build.  These are well made, hearty chips.  Obviously, I was put off by the style of the chip, but I've come to expect that if a chip-maker is trying to pack bold flavors in a chip they choose either a kettle cook, or ridged vessel.  There was not a strong scent in the bag, which I found unusual, and the overall look of the chip was rather unassuming. (left) It didn't have any distinguishing colors or textures, and there wasn't any burn when handling the chip.  The eat, however, was unexpectedly delightful.  The chips had a well balanced group of spices that gave them a bit of a "brightness". When that passed, you'd start to feel the creeping of some heat.  That is what lingered on the pallet in the end.  As the flavors dispersed, the mild heat would stay.  It had a strength and a subtlety all at the same time.  As if the infinitesimal amount of ghost chili was just enough to "wet the whistle" and provide the eater with the perfect amount of strong heat without watering the eyes or melting the tongue.  I have a fair tolerance for heat, so my wife volunteered as a "control" to better measure whether the poetry on the back of the bag (pictured above) wasn't just being lost on me.  She was able to confirm that while the chips had a pleasant heat there was no reason to claim them as intolerable for most casual eaters.  I want to make that clear in case people may still be scared off my the "Ghost Pepper" title.

The experience was a positive one.  All eaters were satisfied.  Did this chip live up to the "ghost" expectations? No way.  However, TJs did successfully create a chip that is pleasant to eat, with pleasant heat, that makes a pleasant treat.  If you are a regular at Trader Joe's (or just tolerant enough to walk in the place), I recommend grabbing this bag.  It makes for a GREAT sandwich chip, and really does a great job carving out a space for itself in the snack market.  I only wish that I could grab them in a regular snack isle.  I guess I'll have to keep sending my lovely wife on retrieval missions.

A toast to the effort

What else can you say about Cheez-Its? They're the best!  Unique, well-crafted, consistently delicious, and easy to grab almost anywhere.  They've been a part of the "flavor game" for a while with almost 10 flavors in the market.  What most people DON'T know is that ONE of those flavors is "Extra Toasty".  That's right, you know the taste.  Every once in a while, you reach into a box of regular Cheez-Its and you find one or two that sat under the toasting lamp for just a hair too long and have a slightly more charred look/taste.  Well, the folks at Sunshine got smart and boxed 'em up.  

I was not surprised to see the banner at the top of the box, which reads "#1 requested Cheez-It flavor".  It's a logical idea that almost any Cheez-It lover can embrace. That's why I was surprised to find that the "extra toasty" are only available in select locations.  I went from store to store only to find the regular assortment of flavors ranging from Original to White Cheddar.  Therefore,  I want to preface the rest of this post by saying, if you happen to wander past these in the snack isle, they're worth picking up regardless of whatever you might read hereafter.

Of course, when the Fat finds this selection in a random store, what does he do? That's right, he buys 2 boxes for a head to head taste off.  After all, the idea of having a rival box that could potentially replace my "go-to" original Cheez-Its tickled my imagination.  I was obligated to see if Sunshine had really beaten their classic cheese cracker snack with this dark and stormy option.  It was a moral imperative!

What I found left me a little surprised, and a LOT more disappointed.  Although the extra toasties had that little bit of char that made them that much more delicious, Sunshine didn't embrace the whole idea of a "firm toast". Albeit, the definition of "extra toasty" is subjective, but I expected a dynamic difference between the "extra toasty" and the regular "Zits". I didn't really get that from these.  My tactic was simple: I tried one, then the other, and then tried handfuls of each separately.  When push came to shove, there was no dynamic difference between the two. When it was all said and done, the extra toasty didn't leave me especially satisfied, but rather wanting more of that toasty flavor throughout.  I guess what's deceiving about the extra toasty box is that it takes away from that magic of finding the "unicorn" in the regular box of Cheez-Its.  With the luster of finding the random "toasty" gone, it was tough to say that one Cheez-It far surpassed the other.  I do intend to try the "extra toasty" again, and may even go as far as to throw some of them in the toaster oven myself to see if I can draw more dynamic flavor out of them.

Needless to say, after the initial evaluation the bags were COMBINED to make the PENULTIMATE part of the tasting.  Together, these two flavors really just made the most exceptional box of Cheez-Its ever.  The experience overall left me wondering if SOME boxes of the extra toasty Cheez-Its are more "cooked" than others?  I have not yet had an opportunity to explore this idea further, as these are hard to come by. That's why I HIGHLY recommend (despite the lackluster review) that if you bump into these in your local grocery/bodega you pick them up to try for yourself.  I'm not done with the extra toasty Cheez-Its.  They're out there, and they're TOASTY!!!

Not Hizz... HERR'S!!

It's astonishing to me how little awareness a brand can have in the marketplace.  I'm constantly surprised by people who have never herr'd of Herr's (you see what I did there?).  They have no idea that Herr's is a brand that cranks out A TON of consistent "go to" snacks.  Most of the time, when someone comments to me that they've never had Herr's I say, "Sure you have. They make that dope cheddar popcorn in the orange bag" and then they get it.  However, as much as I follow the various chip purveyors out there, I've never noticed a truly unique product on the shelves from Herr's. Most of the time, there's just another popcorn, or a regular potato chip, but something recently caught my eye.    

I present to you Herr's Jalapeno Popper Flavored Cheese Curls

Look, I'm a loyal Cheese Doodler.  I don't subscribe to the "cheese curls are the same as cheese doodles" argument. Wise makes Cheese Doodles and all others are just knock offs.  Typically, I don't reach for the curl if the Doodle is available, but I was SO intrigued by the flavor profile that I had to grab this bag.  I was amazed at what I found inside.

Herr's really knocked this one out of the park.  Not only does this curl embrace every layered nuance of the popper, but once the delicious curl dissolves in your mouth, you are immediately compelled to grab another.  Let's be clear, this is NOT a Jalapeno flavored Cheese Curl. This is a Jalapeno POPPER curl. I'm pointing that out because Herr's makes sure to embrace the spiciness of the pepper with the blend of cheddar cheese and toasted taste of the deep fried exterior.  I was SUPER impressed.  After reading the back of the back (left) I was happy to see that Ed Herr himself had endorsed these bad boys, and I tipped my cap to him for the effort.  Better yet, if you had NOT noticed in the picture posted above, this bag is pre-labeled with a price point of only $2! That's right!


This reminded of the Doublemint gum of old, where the retailers are OBLIGATED to stick to a specific price point based on packaging (click to see reference).  I am a FULL supporter of this initiative.  I was able to walk into a grocery in NYC and walk out with a FULL SIZED back of curls for TWO DOLLARS!!  Thank you Herr's for not only creating a deliciously crafted snack, but slapping a reasonable price on it that all store owners have to universally abide to.  I threw my hand in there over, and over, and over again to the point where my digits started to resemble the curls that I was consuming.

As an even STRONGER endorsement, the group of dudes that I was eating in front of decided to try and ALL of them agreed that this was a unique and tasty snack.  Take it from me, it is VERY rare that any group of people will agree on a snack food.  This proved to be a great accomplishment on the part of Herr's.  From that moment on, I've been regularly asked about these curls, and to my amazement I only see them on limited shelves.  Go out and find these, folks.  They are DIVINE.  You'd be doing yourself a disservice, and ever person around you if you don't go out and buy the HELL out of this product.  You wont' be disappointed.  

The product locator on the Herr's website allows to you purchase directly from the company, but doesn't seem to have a specific locator that will tell you where these curls can be found.  My recommendation? Either buy them direct and have them mailed to your home, or take $2 now, put it in your purse, wallet, money clip or whatever, and be ready to THROW DOWN if you walk by a store that has these.  $2 of emergency money for curls.  $2 to ensure that happiness can be purchased at anytime, anyplace.   Because you're worth it - L'Oréal

A Whopper of a Halloween

Another Halloween has come and gone, and this one was fun.  The family rocked a FANTASTIC "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" theme that had been in the works since LAST Halloween, and the kid raked in a ton of candy with his fantastically convincing Mickey Mouse.

Unfortunately, there was a disappointing moment of the Halloween season. I have to speak up about how Burger King decided to celebrate this fun, and creepy holiday.

Please note: this will not be a typical FS update and may contain content unsuitable for squeamish readers. (no pics)

The Halloween Whopper was released on September 28th and The Fat picked one up on the evening of September 29th.  Of course, it was my intention to have this post released on Halloween Day, but I'll blame my other full-time obligations for my lack of punctuality on this one. Besides, I was having WAY too much fun on Halloween and the NYMets were in the world series, so I couldn't possibly have gotten my sh*t together for this post (no pun intended... but that's coming later).

There's not much to say about this sandwich, folks.  This experience was lackluster at best.  I heard there was A1 steak sauce baked into the bun, which gave it the black color, and that was the part I was the most pumped about.  I was really hoping for a rich, Worcestershire based flavor to add to the overall burger experience.  Needless to say, I didn't get it.

As you can plainly see in the pic to the left, there is NO way that the dark color of the bun could be created by using A1 steak sauce alone. There was definitely evidence of black dye or food coloring to enhance that deep black color.  Of course, I can't prove that definitively, (wait... can I? ... that's coming later)  To make matters worse, the burger was dressed with a delicious, but overwhelming spiced BBQ sauce, which added to the morbid, "bloody", appearance of the burger, but muddled any other flavors found in the bun.  I did tear off a piece and eat it on it's own, but still came up empty in the A1 department.  SO disappointing!  Little did I know what was yet to come.

After spending the rest of the day complaining to whomever would listen about how sh*#ty (hint,hint) the burger was, I decided that it was time to move on and pretend that the eat never happened.  I sat on the porcelain throne at home and began to put the past behind me.  However, when going through routine maintenance and "verifying departure", an unfamiliar color caught my attention.  Perhaps it was the lighting in the bathroom, or perhaps my TP wasn't a pure white? Nope... Something was off.  What was leaving this dark color skid mark?  Where is this deep, dark, almost forest green color coming from?  You guessed it: The Halloween Whopper!!

In all of its glory, the Halloween Whopper found a way to grab attention, even from the GRAVE. Apparently, the black dye permeated my poop and left this dark, ominous mass floating in the bowl. Sorry, folks, but it was impressive.  All of a sudden, I was giddy with amazement at this new phenomenon! I was more excited than when I was actually sitting down to eat the sandwich.  I thought it was HILARIOUS! What wasn't so funny, is that it continued for ALMOST 3 DAYS!!

It became a waiting game, and made every bathroom experience more exciting wondering if the Halloween Whopper would still show itself.  The following week, I noticed a flurry on the Internet about this issue, and there was a lot of concern being expressed from people about how this food affected their insides.  I, on the other hand, thought that the idea of my colon being coated in this black dye attaching itself to my poop was fantastic.  This was like having red colored pee after eating an excess of fresh beets, or getting that whiff of asparagus from the bowl only MINUTES after eating that stinky veg.  Different foods have interesting and fun affects on the body, and this was no different. I'm not going to praise Burger King for my suspenseful and exciting bathroom experience, but I will say that it made eating the sandwich worthwhile.

(please note: I really, really, really, really, really wanted to take pictures as proof, but thought better of it. I couldn't have Faturated Sats go down that road.  You'll have to take my word for it.  You're welcome.)

A quick shout out to my girl! (no, the other one)

She's always there when I need her most.
She's always provided for me without question or judgment.
She always keeps it fresh by introducing new and wild things into our relationship.

I'm talking about Wendy's.  I'll keep this one quick (if possible) because this is just a shout of praise.

Years ago, when Fat Mike wasn't so fat living as a starving artist in an apt with a roommate, and holding down 3 jobs, Wendy's was my primary source of sustenance.  She was close by, available whenever I needed her and within my budget.  Better yet, she offered me healthier, better prepared menu options than her clown counterpart, or that deceivingly charming tyrannical alternative.  Over the years, I've stood by her side while the industry assimilated to the criteria listed above and embraced the current menu model.  There have been high points and low over the years, but she always coaxes me back in with special items like a Bacon Mushroom Melt LTO, or a new Spicy Chicken option.  I should note that we've never been mutually exclusive.  I stray on occasion, and I know that she finds joy in serving others besides myself. However, when faced with a choice I find myself knocking on her door knowing she'll welcome me back with open arms.

During a recent family road trip, I found myself in need of a quick food solution, and had an opportunity to reunite with my always reliable lady friend, Wendy.  It felt like coming home, and I was happily surprised to find that she had recently rolled out some new items from the kitchen.

Yep, Wendy decided she wanted to try her hand at some BBQ.  I have to admit that I was a little skeptical of her ability to properly execute this genre of food.  After all, while I've celebrated her unique takes on staples like the burger and the chicken sandwich, when I see items like BBQ Pulled Pok/Chicken Sandwich, or Pulled Pork Cheeseburger I have to hesitate a little bit.

Since I was completely caught off guard, I was in no situation to be diving in to a full blown tasting of the BBQ menu, but I couldn't just let it pass me by. So, I reached for the most obvious way to properly judge the execution: BBQ Pulled Pork Cheese Fries.


Damn, these were delicious!  I was SHOCKED at how authentic the flavors were.  A little smoke, that familiar BBQ sauce that I so frequently soak my chicken nuggets in, a glaze of velvety cheese whiz, and fresh chopped red onion on top. The fries still had a little bit of crispiness to them, and the meat wasn't all artificial and spongey.  They were so good, that I used an "Instagram filter" for the first time just to add to the hype. (right) The real surprise came when I shared some with my wife (who is pleasantly aware of my intimate relationship with Wendy), and despite her obvious intimidation and jealousy, she agreed that the BBQ cheese fries were quite good.  This just solidified the rousing endorsement that Wendy had done it yet again.  Able to create an affordable, enjoyable dining experience in an industry typically likes to just throw together buzz words and random, low-quality ingredients.  Wendy, you are my shining start yet again.  Well done.

Lay's Do Us A Flavor Pt 4: West Coast Truffle Fries

Up until this point, I've been relying on the blood, sweat, tears, elbow grease, creativity, and culinary expertise of others to complete this pairing masterpiece.  For this last entry, I was confident that my love of food (and familiarity with Truffle Fries) made it possible for me to carry this heavy load all by myself.

First of all, I'm not really sure what qualifies as "West Coast Truffle Fries".  I tried to gleam a little bit of understanding from the commentary from the conceptualist on the bag, but that yielded nothing.

Instead, I decided to simply use the picture on the FRONT of the bag to replicate what I needed.  Aside from the potatoes that I used to hand cut the fries, I had ALL of the ingredients readily available in my pantry to bust out some homemade fries.  Yes, Fat Mike keeps white truffle oil in his pantry. Granted, it's been there for some time because a little bit goes a LONG way, but until you've dressed a really nice Ahi tuna tartar in your own kitchen with some fresh chives and just a HINT of white truffle oil, you'll never truly know why I keep that stuff on hand.  As I've said in the past, Fat Mike loves food.

After Chase Utley decided to slide into Reuben Tejada during Game 3 of the NLDS playoff, I decided to indulge in some late night cooking and chip tasting.  Needless to say, I was a bit aggravated, but that just put me in the zone for some french fry making.  After soaking my potatoes, and a few rounds of frying, these bad boys emerged.

As you can see, they are a fair likeness to the expectation on the bag. The only missing ingredient was the parsley garnish sprinkled on top and that was only because I was too lazy to go grab some from my herb garden at 12m.  Besides, when it came down to it, I was sure that the parsley flavor wasn't going to make or break the chip tasting.  Because I had to fry in batches, the crispiness was reserved to the top layer of fries, and I used those first few bites to set the bar for the chip to follow. Not to do too much horn tooting, but I think I hit the nail on the head with this execution.  A good, deep fry, but not overdone.  A nice amount of truffle oil to keep the fries fragrant, but not overwhelming. And to finish it off, a toss with some salt and a healthy helping of Parmesan cheese.  Delicioso.  The west coast gots nothing on Fat Mike's East Coast Truffle Fries.

Aside from the fact that I figured I could prepare the fries myself, the other reason for leaving this selection for last was because I figured it would be the easiest to execute for Frito-Lay.  As I stated in the SB&G post, the foundation is solid. For crying out loud, how easy is it to replicate a potato based snack with a POTATO CHIP?!?!  At this point, all of the regular readers (hahaha!) should know about my aversion to ridged chips, so I won't go into that.  Besides, I understand that Frito-Lay wants to offer the masses different chip styles with the assortment of flavors. I will say, right out of the gate, that this chip could've easily been served kettle cooked.  The ridged vessel is unnecessary.
And that's all I have to say about that - Forrest Gump 

When the flavor titles were first released, my first thought was that this was a brave choice because if the flavor was well received by the masses, Frito-Lay will be shouldered with mass producing chips with truffle flavoring, which is NOT cheap.  So, I tipped my cap to them for showing the world that they have more money than God, and they're not afraid to spend it.  However, they came up with an ELEGANT solution to that problem.  The chips don't taste like truffle AT ALL!!  It was amazing. I took a chip, ate it, waited, figured I'd missed something, ate another one, waited, rinsed my mouth out with water, ate another one, and waited again, but I never got truffle.  Sure, I got something that tasted like parm and herbs, but not even a false mushroomy attempt at truffle.  I was shocked and disappointed.  Truffle is an elegant and FRAGRANT flavor, and the chips didn't even SMELL like truffle.  This is the closest I've ever felt to being deliberately deceived by Lay's.  This cut deep.  It was hurtful.  All I was left with was a mouth full of disappointment, a bag full of RIDGED chips, and a heart full of sadness.  Thankfully, there was a large batch of homemade truffle fries to wash down the pain.  I felt like a million bucks in the A.M.

Since this is part 4, I'll wrap up with a summary:
No. 1 - Kettle Cooked Gyro - vibrant, delicious and well encompassing of all the flavors found in the Gyro.
No. 2 - Biscuits and Gravy - Better than NOT eating chips
No. 3 - NY Reuben - Unique in conception and rye flavor, but in no way replicant of a Reuben. Still...tastey.
No. 4 - West Coast Truffle Fries - I don't know what it's called, I just know the sound it makes when it LIES!! (if you haven't seen Tropic Thunder, remedy that immediately)

This was a GREAT experience.  Regardless of any lackluster reviews, I will ALWAYS tip my cap to the folks at Frito-Lay for putting themselves out there and taking a chance with consumers.  There's always a "weird" flavor in there that makes them look like weirdos, but I appreciate them for the pioneers that they truly are.  I will never paint Frito-Lay with a broad ugly brush by saying that they're losing their touch.  As A Tribe Called Quest once said, "You get and 'E' for effort, and 'T' for nice try" this year, but I'm sure that feedback like this helps to focus your energies and crank out some real gems for DUAF 2016!! Keep 'em coming, Lay's, you got it going on!

Lay's Do Us A Flavor Pt. 3: Southern Biscuits and Gravy chips

Southern Biscuit and Gravy Chips

What a unique idea for a chip? Actually, when you think about it the most cohesive chip ideas come from a nice, carb-centric base similar to a potato. That way, you already have the starch covered, and then you can focus on the "topping" that will coat the chip and bring out the vibrant, unique flavor you're trying to achieve.  That's why I went into this eat pretty confident of Frito-Lays ability to pull this one off.  The problem is... where do you find authentic Southern Biscuits and Gravy in the NY metro area?? Sure, I could search the InterWeb, or follow recommendations from friends to pay top dollar at a restaurant, but instead I employed the help of a SUPER chef, and long time friend to pull off this tricky pairing.

To your left are homemade "drop biscuits" courtesy of my buddy, "pirate Steve".  He's not an actual pirate, but he is a chef and does occasionally say, "Yar" when the mood strikes. I knew he was the one to approach for this undertaking. I told him what I was doing, and he was happy to accommodate. These bad boys were homemade, soft, delicious, and GORGEOUS. When he brought them over and presented them to me, I couldn't have been happier.  I know they are a slightly different "style" of southern biscuits that are different from the layered kind in the picture, but they are SO scrumtrulescent that they fit the mold perfectly for being representative in capturing the essence of a home cooked southern biscuit.  Then came the follow up punch...

This gravy was amazing.  Thick, creamy, and a little kick of black pepper for spice.  I know that the shot here makes it look overly thick, but I assure you that it draped over the biscuits like a velvet cloak.  Holding onto the natural fats nicely, this southern-style gravy had nice, chunky pieces of sausage and a rich, vibrany flavor that wrapped itself perfectly around the biscuits.  I realized that I had set myself up similarly to the Reuben by finding the ideal representation of Southern Biscuits and Gravy to pair with the Lay's chip.  Nevertheless, it was time.

I'm not sure if Frito-Lay was trying to mimic chicken or sausage gravy, but the pic on the front of the bag had me leaning toward sausage.  When you bit into the traditional dish, you get a gluttonous mix of cream, sausage, spice and fat.  It's divine.  Cutting through all the layers of cream, meat and carbs leaves your taste buds bouncing around from one satisfying taste to another.  However there isn't an overwhelming group of flavors to grab onto.  I became confident that the profile might be simple enough to replicate.

The chip itself is unassuming.  I was impressed at how little "color" there was in the spicing.  I expected to see some black color for the pepper, or some white sprinkle of powder, but for the most part the chip seemed a bit "underdressed". Nevertheless, I had faith and dove right in.

I get what they were trying to do.  As I stated earlier, there's already a solid base to work with around the chip covering that foundation of "biscuit".  Creamy flavors of what I can only imagine was a "repurposed" sour cream flavor were used to cover the creamy aspect of the gravy.  It wasn't so oniony to be a close correlation to the traditional Lay's Sour Cream and Onion chip, but it wasn't far off.  The problem was they forgot the pepper! Any strong chip enthusiast has grabbed the occasional bag of salt & black pepper chips, so I know first hand that there's no fear in having a peppery chip on the market.  In THIS application, that one ingredient was TOTALLY key.  Leaving off the black pepper is a cardinal sin.  I can't understand what made Frito-Lay overlook that spice, or think that this chip could be representative without it? That one ingredient would have elevated this chip from simply being the red-headed step child of the sour cream & onion, to its own functioning and independent chip in the snack-iverse.  It s a real shame that nobody in QA caught that one before it went out the door.  On a scale of 1-10, I'd give this chip about a 5 because it wasn't a fail, but it certainly wasn't a revelation.  Sometimes, it's the little things that get neglected and delate the overall result of the eating experience.  In a head to head battle with an authentic version of Southern biscuits and gravy, this chip just didn't cut it.  Even if it were being used to remind someone of the biscuits and gravy experience, I would say that if you stared at the bag long enough while you were eating it, you could convince yourself that the feeling was there.  If anything, it was a nice side with the dish itself, but by no means could it stand on its own.

In case you were curious... yes... I shared. I wasn't allowed to eat my "special snack" without him.

Does my son eat off a Mickey Mouse glove plate almost every day??
To paraphrase Jack Nicholson, "You're #@!%-damn right he does!!"

Lay's Do Us A Flavor Pt. 2: Kettle Cooked Greektown GYRO

Part 2: Kettle Cooked Greektown GYRO chips

They said that it couldn’t be done.  They said that it was too ambitious.  They said that it was a gross idea.  I have no idea who “they” are, but if they're out there somewhere, I’d like to address them directly with this post: You're CRAZY. It’s been done, folks, and it’s been done well.  

First, of course, allow me to provide a little back-story because it wouldn’t be Faturated Sats without one. 

On the same day that my son and I kicked off this four-part saga with our deli drive, my wife was unfortunately spending her day at work.  Sure, she was curious why we would have driven 30min for lunch, but she knows not to dig too deep with questions attempting to diagnose my ridiculousness.  She came home not feeling so great and didn't have much of an appetite.  The boy and I had been gallivanting all over the place and snacking all day.  Understandably, I wasn’t going to cook a meal if there weren’t a group of appetites to satisfy. As luck would have it, she was in the mood for soup, and one of our favorite places by our house makes a MEAN chicken soup that she really loves. (Where are you going with this, Fat Mike?) 

Because I’m a dutiful and doting husband, I immediately decided that it was my responsibility to get her the soup she loved in order to help her feel better. But when I picked up the phone to place the order,* I realized we were ordering from a Greek restaurant!*  It was soon after that phone call, that this happened:

Having only finished my investigation of the Reuben chips hours before, I went into this eat with a bit of skepticism.  The Reuben experience had taken the wind out of my sails, and I wasn't sure how this next round would turn out.  Last year, Lay's rolled out the Cappuccino flavored chips and the prospect of a Gyro flavored chip seemed to be garnering the same public reaction of, "Ewww... what's that?" The Fat is always willing to take a chance and, believe it or not, I was looking forward to trying these, but after the Reuben experience I found it difficult to believe that the layered flavors in a Gyro could be captured on a chip.  I was happily surprised to be proven wrong.

Think about it: The spiced lamb, the Tzatziki sauce with dill and cucumber, fresh tomatoes, lettuce, red onion, and a soft cooked pita to wrap it all up like a warm blanket.  Mmmm...  Fat Mike loves the Gyro.

I took a couple bites of the Gyro and then followed up with a chomp into a delightfully spiced, kettle cooked chip.  It immediately perked me up, and I almost did the equivalent of a "double-take" looking at the bag in shock.  I reached my hand back in the bag and took another, then another, and then another.  Needless to say, it went on pretty much the same thereafter.  Before I knew it, I was eating more of the chips than I was of the Gyro itself.  My wife looked at me pleasantly and said, "Ah... so THAT'S why you went to the Greek place?"  Thankfully, my mouth was too stuffed with chips to reply.

*disclaimer: It's important to note that all my wife said was that she wanted soup.  I knew I could get away with helping her feel better while executing my shenanigans at the same time.

This was truly impressive.  You can see on the chip the different color combinations that make up the flavor dust.  Similar to a "Cool Ranch" there is a multitude of ingredients that all dance on your taste buds to achieve the artificial sensation of gnawing on a real Gyro.  Fat Mike was re-inspired by this find.  It's true that any kettle cooked chip will have a distinct advantage over the traditional or "ridged" executions, but I think it was the necessary vessel to hold onto the depth of flavor offered with the Gyro chip.  This one has the potential of being a REAL winner in the "innovative flavor" portion of the judging.  But the question is, will it drive revenue if released into the market? Will people be able to overcome their skepticism and take a chance if it wins? Will it be a surprise impulse purchase for chip buyers?  We can only hope that it wins and we find out.