McDonald's Fu#@!*g Breakfast

As has happened in the past, The Fat is blessed to have friends that embrace his enthusiasm for experiencing all he can in the world of delicious food.  In this case, the team effort came from a work colleague who knows how to have a good time, and when to cut loose for stuffing the face.  Thanks, Sam.

The Ultimate McDonald's F$@!%ng Breakfast

I'm sure that when McDonald's restaurants announced that they were doing an All-Day breakfast menu, there were plenty of people who thought, "well, that's a nice change. Maybe I'll take advantage of that one day?"  Fat Mike, on the other hand, saw this as an opportunity to take his McDonald's experience one step further.  Thankfully, The Fat was not left to tackle this adventure alone.  What is the intention, you ask?  To take the best of both menus and put them together to create an epic eating experience and elevate McDonald's to the next level.

To the left, you have The Fat Mike order: a traditional Quarter Pounder with Cheese, Sausage Egg McMuffin, and a Hash Brown. Below, Sam's contribution: An order of Hotcakes with a Premium Buttermilk Crispy Chicken patty.  At this point, it should be noted that the all-day breakfast menu only has a limited number of items available.  The intention was to use McGriddles for the Chicken Sandwich, but that item is ONLY available during regular breakfast hours.  See here or a list of items typically available depending on location.

Obviously, the intention is to marry the two menu items together in the best way possible to create a cohesive and delicious sandwich. NOT just combine every single ingredient.  In the case of the quarter pounder, the English Muffin was cast aside for the sesame seed bun. In addition, I opted to leave off the hash brown to be added later after diving into the initial burger, egg, sausage combo. Sam opted to leave the typical veggie fixin's off of her Chicken Hotcake Sandwich and obviously chose the buttermilk execution of the chicken options.  However, the decision was made to add syrup to the Chicken Sandwich to create a more "chicken and waffles-like" feel.  These are individual choices on the part of the eater and are not to be criticized.

It is incredibly difficult to describe how epic this eat was, and how perfectly this execution went down, but I'll try anyway.

There were no size disparities or need to augment any ingredients in order to create these two Franken-Sandwiches.  All ingredients were fresh and hot.  Admittedly, there was a much longer wait time for the hotcakes, but they were cooked to perfection nonetheless.  Sure, the waste is a side effect of the crossover, but as you can see from the pictures there was plenty of reason to look forward to diving into these bad boys.  Although I was able to taste both sandwiches, we'll open with my QP breakfast because it was my intended brainchild for the visit. 

The first bite was exactly as I had envisioned.  What surprised me the most was the great division that the egg provided between the dressed burger patty, and the bit of spice from the sausage.  The onions, cheese and pickles added and omelette-like feel to the whole sandwich, and that perfectly firm egg that's expected from the McDonald's breakfast blended beautifully into the experience. Damn, it was good. The ONLY way that this could get better was to finally throw in the hash brown.  Admittedly, the sandwich can stand alone without it if you don't feel like throwing down another $1.50, but I had already decided to test it out. 

 The greasy, salty and mushy element succeeded in making the sandwich a little tastier and more gluttonous.  The difference between the first bit sans hash brown was simply the guilt.  Nowadays, putting an egg on a burger isn't that big a deal.  If anything, it's been overdone to the point of becoming cliche.  However, when done at McDonald's it's hard to overlook the quality of the ingredients that you're eating.  I don't typically subscribe to the "guilt" of eating fast foods, but once the hash brown found it's way onto the Franken-Sandwich I tasted that things may have gone a little too far.  In addition, you can see that the stack was a bit of an undertaking.  For the average eater, that might have seemed daunting, but the Fat had no trouble.  That being said, I sat back in my chair and savored every bite until the sandwich was nothing but a memory.  Are there better $12 burgers in NYC? Of course there are.  But I know there are a lot of legitimate McDonald's fans out there, and if you're one of those folks wander in and give this a try.  It's worth it.

I know what you're wondering: How was the Hotcake Chicken Sandwich? It was good.  Was it a revelation? Unfortunately not.  I think that there was room for negotiation in terms of how the "sandwich" was constructed, but the whole thing came together as a typical "chicken and waffles" style dish. Reflecting afterward, perhaps the McMuffin portion of my sandwich could've provided a stronger vessel for the whole thing.  In THAT case, the stack would've been: Mcmuffin/ pankcake/ syrup/ chicken/ McMuffin. However, this would've required trimming the pancake slightly and possible cheese residue left over from the McMuffin sandwich from which it was lifted.  That would've effected the overall cleanliness of the eat, and was an afterthought for good reason.  All of these combined thoughts and reflections made it obvious that the ideal combination for the chicken sandwich would be the McGriddles, but that requires deliberate timing and intention.  The sandwich combos that are noted above can be obtained at ANY time of day if the mood strikes.  That offers substantial advantage when contemplating the crave.  Keep this in the front of  your minds, folks.  You don't just have to be in the mood for Mickey D's breakfast when you walk into a franchise in the middle of the day.  This new menu option opens up a wealth of opportunity for McDonald's loyalists to get adventurous and see what wondrous combinations are out there to be made.  

  

Brach's the Casbah (or The Cream of the Candy Corn Crop)

Candy Corn Tasting!!

Tis the season for Candy Corn!!

Here's how this went down: Someone in my office brought in a bag of "Gold Emblem Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn" and left it in the communal space for all to consume.  Nobody knew who planted it, but dialogue started to spatter around about why someone would leave the candy corn out there.  Are they giving it away because they didn't like it? Are they sharing it because it's so delicious? Eventually, it came out that some people DESPISE candy corn on a cellular level.  This exposed a feud between groups which inevitably led to the declaration that the BEST candy corn on the market is made by Brach's, and that there was no way that this his Gold Emblem stuff could hold a candle to Brach's Pumpkin Spice candy corn if it exists in the market.

In the end, it was up to the Fat to ensure that this dispute could be settled in a definitive manner. Having a finger on the pulse of the snack world, I knew that Brach's would have a product locater on their website. I was able to track down the Pumpkin Spice flavor, and a convenient purchase location close to home.  Little did I know, that by opening Pandora's BRACH'S (you see what I did there?) I would find\a myriad of alternate flavors in addition to the seasonal flavor that I was looking for.  Aside from the traditional candy corn that we all know (and only some of us love), additional flavors included:
Pumpkin Spice, Caramel, Smores, and Caramel Macchiato.
Please note: the flavors chosen were readily available at a single location. Two additional flavors (peanut butter cup and fruit creme) were not included in the tasting.

We'll start with the intended Pumpkin Spice taste-off.  As you can see, there was an obvious visual difference between the Emblem's and the Brach's.  Brach's had a more traditional looking candy corn with an orange base, while the competitor went with the brown cinnamon look for their execution.  At first, I viewed this as a distinct advantage because I immediately thought to myself, "ya see? Brach's knows what their doing!"  To my surprise, this created a drastic difference in taste between the two in a surprising way.  The Brach's corn was MUCH sweeter.  The use of the cinnamon base by the Gold Emblem folks made for a much less abrasive sweetness and a slightly more "authentic" pumpkin flavor.  However, there was something "off pudding" about the overall taste of the Gold Emblem corn and how the flavors broke down together during the eat.  Neither one was really "pleasing" to eat a bunch of.  Either could be considered something that a kid would try in their grandparent's candy bowl and not go back for seconds.  If I were going to declare a winner, I'd say that Brach's lost the group vote. Some stayed loyal to the brand, but The Fat was \more satisfied by the Gold Emblem alternative as well as other office eaters.  Gold Emblem is a CVS brand, and the day might come when I wander into a CVS and grab some traditional candy corn to try out after this tasting.  However, I wouldn't seek out CVS corn as a Brach's alternative.  Eh, I'm weary of the whole "pumpkin spice" thing anyway.



Now, let's get down to the other flavors.

It is very rare that food (of any kind) kicks up a gag reflex, but hot damn if those S'mores flavored candy corns aren't one of the NASTIEST things I've had in a LONG time.  I was SHOCKED at how gross those candy corn were.  I'm not sure what the exact problem was because the flavors were so muddled, and I didn't want to dig back in for a more comprehensive breakdown. Just trust me when I tell you... gross.

The Caramel were decent, but as you can see in the picture above there was no white element to the candy corn.  I think this was because it would introduce a vanilla flavor to an otherwise consistent caramel flavor, but that just made the whole corn a little lackluster.  It was just too much of one note. There was no nuance or depth of flavor to the corn, which made it boring and lifeless.  Eh...

The dark horse was the Caramel Macchiato. When asked what the grossest flavor was going to be before ANY of the bags were opened, the universal answer would be "Caramel Macchiato".  But I'll be DAMNED if this wasn't one of the more delicious candies I've had in a long time.  The balance of the coffee with the caramel, and then (of course) the addition of that milky, vanilla that you get just from the tip (yeah, I said it) was perfect.  I thought I might have been going crazy from the mediocre S'mores experience, so I cleansed my palette with some traditional corn and then threw back a few more Caramel Macchiatos.  Yep, it was still good.  I was so impressed.  This flavor vanished quickly afterward because I just couldn't put it down.  I would definitely seek this out for a future eat, or perhaps a bring to a party with a group that is candy corn friendly.  Surprising.  Go check it out for yourself.

Ah... the refreshing, sugary, and delicious taste of the original.  This can't be beat.  I don't need to remind fans out there how good it is.  Just remember that it's out there more than just once a year. Mmmmmm....

Posthumous Posting

Taco Bell's Daredevil Loaded Grillers

This edition of FatSats opens with an apology.  Normally, The Fat is able stay on top of what's out there in order to properly notify the blogosphere about new menu items currently available in the delicious and ever-changing world of food. Unfortunately, I've been delinquent in my duties (haha, I said dooty).  This latest post contains information about a delicious release from Taco Bell which is no longer in market: The Daredevil Loaded Grillers.  Many eaters, and fans of the Bell (including myself) were unaware that these menu items were part of a LTO, and that's why pages like this (click here) have been popping up all over the Internet.  I apologize for not getting this out in time.  It fell off my radar for posting, while the experience lingered in my memory and the pictures lived on my phone.

Apology accepted? Good. Let's get to it.

This fantastic addition to the already glorious Taco Bell menu had 2 things going for it:  there were 3 different grillers all varying in hotness, and they were all just a bit over $1 (depending on tax).  How could anyone NOT run to their nearest location to give these grillers a whirl?  Of course, there was NO WAY that I could avoid doing a side-by-side evaluation of the temperature/flavor differences, so I got all 3 at once.

The temperatures were: Mild Chipotle, Medium Habanero and Fiery Ghost Pepper.  Those of you who had the pleasure of reading my last post regarding Ghost Pepper chips from Trader Joe's have already endured my soap box opinion of misusing the Ghost Pepper title in a flavor profile, so I won't rehash that nightmare.  Nevertheless, Taco Bell is never afraid of throwing a little fire in the food, so I was reasonably excited at the prospect of a fiery griller from the folks at The Bell.

Each wrap is crafted individually, so I'm not going to pick apart the contents too much.  I don't really care about which had "more meat", or "less sauce".  The focus of this post will be on the flavors and how the different degrees of heat measured up.

The Chipotle was decent. (see left)  The smokiness typically found when using chipotle pepper was there, and married well to the other ingredients like the ground beef and the crispy red chips. Nevertheless, chipotle is a fairly common taste at The Bell and doesn't offer the eater a new or unique experience.  The flavor permeates through the cheese sauce and carries through the entire eat.  However, as with other items on the menu, this subtle, smokey sauce just blends together with the meat and doesn't "jump" out at the eater.  It works really well in the griller, but isn't something that would draw me back through the doors for a "reap-eat". (Comment if you think I should trademark that word or submit to Webster's. Definition: a) being compelled to eat something a 2nd time, or b) a food that is SO good it is worth eating until you die from over consumption)

The Habanero was a 

REVELATION! (see right)  There was SO much done right with the balance of flavors, and the bite that you get from the pepper in the sauce was perfect.  You can see in the pics that the peppers added to the sauce stand on their own and atop of the additional ingredients in the griller.  It had a unique zest of flavor that grabbed my attention from the first bite.  Additionally, there was an IMMEDIATE difference between the chipotle and the habanero. The smokiness was set aside for a refreshing mix of what tasted like jalapeno and roasted poblano.  If anything, having the chipotle first made the habanero eat better because it provided a stark basis for comparison.  I was a big fan of this griller, and were I to petition Taco Bell to bring back the Daredevil grillers, I would at least request that they reincarnate this singular flavor.

At last, we close with the "Fiery Ghost Pepper" griller.  Taco Bell always likes to issue challenges to their loyal eaters, and this was obviously what the "Daredevil" title was all about.  My hope was that TB would be granted some creative license to push the envelope a little further than most who claim that something will be "Ghost Pepper" hot.  For a few moments before the eat, I was a little bit scared that they'd really bring it, but alas I was disappointed again. Keep in mind, I'm not a "spice seeker", but I have an expectation that when people develop these foods they intend to market them accurately, and I hate when lies are revealed.

All this griller had was more heat.  There was nothing that contributed a better flavor to the experience.  I think there was some additional spice in the red chips that are in the griller as well as more spice in the sauce, but there wasn't anything else unique or composed that made the eat more enjoyable.  There wasn't any smoke like the chipotle, or depth of flavor like the habanero, just meat and heat.  Fat Mike broke into a bit of a sweat, but that's to be expected. 

If you sit down with the intention of eating all 3, then the fiery option makes for a nice finish to the challenge, but I would never recommend that anyone eat the fiery griller alone.  It's just not worth it. It's not hot enough to be considered a challenge, and there isn't enough of a balance in the flavors to claim that it's "good".  The habanero outshined all others by FAR.  I really wish that The Bell bottled up the cheese sauce they used in that griller and put it on shelves in the local grocery stores. Additionally, I wish that all of you loyal readers out there could go an experience it for yourselves.  I apologize for the tardy review, but at least I can offer you a heads up to go and grab this if it peeks it's head back out into the market.  Keep your eyes peeled, folks.  I habaner-KNOW you'll love it!!

Did I just see a GHOST?!?

Nah... It was just those crazy folks at Trader Joe's.

I gotta open with a shout out to my bro's-bro, Ari, for calling these to my attention.   I always appreciate hearing about what's new out there, and I encourage ALL readers to reach out to Fat Mike ANYTIME with suggestions, or items you come across that you think I should try.  As a reminder, I always welcome guest posts should you decide to take on any unique snack yourself, but if you haven't got the gumption...I'll tumble for ya'.

Before the review, there are a couple of things that should be made clear.  I am not a regular shopper of Trader Joe's.  I don't "hate" on the store by any means, but it doesn't typically offer things that draw my enthusiasm.  My wife swears that this place has great stuff, but every time I'm in there it is such a crowded and disorganized mess that I leave it to her to navigate those treacherous waters.  The bag of chips that are pictured above were purchased by my beautiful and accepting wife for the specific purpose of this tasting.

In addition, I'm VERY much against the "Ghost Pepper" flavor claim that is permeating the food market lately.  Remember a while back when everything was "Artisan"?

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/artisan

There were Artisan Tostios, Artisan Subway melts, Artisan Wheat Thins and all sorts of other foods that were either produced on a massive scale, or lacking anything related to a "high quality ingredient".  It became a label and nothing more.  Totally ridiculous and misrepresented in every way.  The same has happened to the Ghost Chili.  Allow me to drop some education on y'all people.  Chili peppers are measured in "Scoville Units" (see picture below)

As you can see in the chart, your "run o' the mill" Jalapeno can average about 5k Scoville units.  The Bhut Jolokia (or Ghost Chili) pepper measures 1 MILLION Scoville units.  This bad boy is FIREY hot, and there are GREAT eaters out there who have been sent crying to their mamas after even taking a bite of one of these mofos.  Therefore, it is INCONCEIVABLE  that any company could release ANY food to the general public that could promise the "Ghost Chili" experience.  Nevertheless, as someone who appreciates hot foods I can understand why using the name would help to distinguish the "hot" stuff from the "ghost hot" options in the market.  Nevertheless, I walk into every experience with a little bit of skepticism.

Now that my ranting is over, let's talk chips.

 The first thing you notice is the weight and build.  These are well made, hearty chips.  Obviously, I was put off by the style of the chip, but I've come to expect that if a chip-maker is trying to pack bold flavors in a chip they choose either a kettle cook, or ridged vessel.  There was not a strong scent in the bag, which I found unusual, and the overall look of the chip was rather unassuming. (left) It didn't have any distinguishing colors or textures, and there wasn't any burn when handling the chip.  The eat, however, was unexpectedly delightful.  The chips had a well balanced group of spices that gave them a bit of a "brightness". When that passed, you'd start to feel the creeping of some heat.  That is what lingered on the pallet in the end.  As the flavors dispersed, the mild heat would stay.  It had a strength and a subtlety all at the same time.  As if the infinitesimal amount of ghost chili was just enough to "wet the whistle" and provide the eater with the perfect amount of strong heat without watering the eyes or melting the tongue.  I have a fair tolerance for heat, so my wife volunteered as a "control" to better measure whether the poetry on the back of the bag (pictured above) wasn't just being lost on me.  She was able to confirm that while the chips had a pleasant heat there was no reason to claim them as intolerable for most casual eaters.  I want to make that clear in case people may still be scared off my the "Ghost Pepper" title.

The experience was a positive one.  All eaters were satisfied.  Did this chip live up to the "ghost" expectations? No way.  However, TJs did successfully create a chip that is pleasant to eat, with pleasant heat, that makes a pleasant treat.  If you are a regular at Trader Joe's (or just tolerant enough to walk in the place), I recommend grabbing this bag.  It makes for a GREAT sandwich chip, and really does a great job carving out a space for itself in the snack market.  I only wish that I could grab them in a regular snack isle.  I guess I'll have to keep sending my lovely wife on retrieval missions.