Eat & Meet & Greet

I've been overwhelmed with texts, emails, and queries about this specific food topic lately.  So, who wants to get naked?

Taco Bell's Naked Chicken Chalupa

N.C.C., how can I explain it?
I'll take it frame by frame it
To have y'all all jumping, shouting, saying it
N is for naked, C is for chicken, scratch your temple
Why's it so good? Well, that's not that simple - huh
It's sort of like, well, another way to call a food a taco
The shell is made of chicken and it's tasety... yeah
Get it for any fun occasion and it's perfect if you're gaming
It seems I gotta start the explaining, bust it...

If you are a regular reader of Faturated Sats then you know that I fervently try to keep up with whatever genius Taco Bell is releasing into the market. Unless you've been living under a rock for last month you should be aware that The Bell has just released a wondrous creation called the "Naked Chicken Chalupa." Make no mistake, what you're about to read is a glowing review of this wonderous food creation and I am encouraging every single person to go out and eat it RIGHT NOW!

First, however, I want to introduce Faturated Sats' official west coast correspondent only to be known as "The Baconado".  Like a bacon tornado, but really a person like Fat Mike who likes to eat stuff. Faturated Sats always appreciates fans, and always welcomes guest contributors.  This meat flavored twister sent me a review of the NCC and we're going to open with the west coast perspective on the NCC as an intro.  Don't worry, Fat Mike's voice will be heard after.  In the future, our hope is that Baconado will be able to swirl through here once in a while to keep us up to date on items exclusive to the WC.  

Thank you for your your contribution, Baconado.  We look forward to great things from you in the future.  Now, it's Fat Mike's turn.

It is apparent that Taco Bell has taken the time to consider everything about this wondrous creation. From conception, to the assembly, to the advertising and even down to the packaging. The moment that you open up this fantastic snack you can tell that you're about to embark on a glorious journey of deliciousness.  I mean, look at the picture (left)! My west coast colleague did nail it with what makes this a stroke of GENIUS.  There's NOTHING in this thing!! It's an optical illusion of food.  Brilliant in it's simplicity, yet complex in execution.  Dare we think about the "how" of making chicken into a taco shell? No. Absolutely not.  But it works.  It works SO well.  There are, however, a couple of KEY things that help the NCC stand alone aside from the brilliant taco shell substitute.

At the bottom of this glorious "chicken" shell is a spicy jalepeno, avocado ranch sauce that is just divine.  It packs a better punch than your typical, bland sour cream and just adds to the overall dining experience in the perfect way.  After all, you can't just dump cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes without some kind of binding ingredient.  This is it.  Additionally, Fat Mike insists that there is some kind of nacho cheese flavoring that is in the crispy batter used to crisp the chicken shell. There's a hint of "dorito-ness" going on in this bad boy that had me at "hello".  I can't be positive, as the flavor is pretty subtle, but if that is an intentional move by the GENIUS BAR GEEK SQUAD at Taco Bell?? Then I applaud you and all that you stand for in the world. Brilliant.

As one final point to round this out, I'd like to comment briefly on the packaging.  I typically don't give a rat's a$$ about how food is dressed up, but I immediately appreciated how The Bell conceived of eating this wondrous contraption.  The NCC comes in an easy to handle, hot pocket-like sleeve that is perfectly sized for taking the first bite.  As the taco comes wrapped in the typical TB paper, you're not sure how you're going to handle an all-chicken taco shell, but The Bell gots you covered.  That's a mindfulness that any customer should appreciate.  As a regular eater, you feel appreciated by the big wigs that make this magic happen.  As you're eating, you think to yourself, "yeah... they made this just for me. Thank you."


To sum up, this is amazing, stupendous, and skrumtrulescent.  Seek it out.  Eat it in (never take The Bell to go #fatmiketips).  However, I do have it on good authority that it travels well if that is your only option #pirateSteve.  There you have it world. Enjoy.
















PS - On a side note, I'd like to point out (in case The Bell is watching) that focus is still required on the classics. Obviously, Fat Mike wouldn't get the NCC by itself. I mean, c'mon. However, my Quesarito was WILDLY disappointing.  


Stack the burrito, folks.  Stack it.  Look at my Rito, and look at the picture!! Haphazardly disproportionate, and inevitably unfortunate.  Don't forget your roots, TB.  Keep the menu strong throughout.  You're better than this.  Don't forget your roots. I know that it can't be perfect all the time, but...

Nuff said. Don't let it happen again.

2016 - Domestic News (pt. 2 of 2)

Welcome back to the 2016 wrap up...

Oh, you thought that I was just hopping around the food globe at the end of 2016? Nay... I took down my share of domestic treats as well.  The breadth of the journey may not be as substantial, but there were a couple of items that need to be noted.

Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts (or PPPT for short):

You gotta love the fall. Pumpkin lattes, pumpkin candy corns, pumpkin booze, and on and on and on. Rumor has it, this is even embraced overseas where Japan once offered The BK Pumpkin

Laughing Squid found these seasonal monstrosities from Burger King Japan, which include the “Pumpkin Bomb”: a burger topped with lettuce, bacon, creamy nut sauce, and ten slices of fried kabocha.

NO! I didn't eat that!! Fat Mike's never been to JAPAN except in Street Fighter (where he kicked some major ass).
I'm just trying to make a point that there's pumpkin all around us in the fall and it's easy to get caught up in the noise and miss something once in a while.




Send in the PUMPKIN PIE POP TART!!

What a fantastic way to wake up in the morning.  Yes, Pop Tarts are meant to be a morning pastry so that's how Kellog's intends for you to START your day.  After all, breakfast is (supposedly) the most important meal of the day, so why not ingest a 200cal toaster pastry. Wait... there are 2 of them?? Oh, ok then, a 400cal toaster pastry.  Excellent.

Nevertheless, this tasty treat goes PERFECTLY with morning coffee and isn't pretentious enough to claim to have "real pumpkin" hidden anywhere inside.  There's no claim of being "made from real pumpkin" or having "farm raised organic pumpkin ingredients".  This is simply an artificially flavored pumpkin bomb that explodes in your face with the sugary goodness of vanilla frosting and colored sprinkles as the perfect compliment to round out the meal. DELICIOUS.  Seasonally appropriate, easy to prepare, and enough to get anyone steered toward a successful day of... whatever.  This was an LTO folks, so I'm sorry that you can't run out and grab it now, but definitely keep it in mind when you're deciding to embrace the fall of 2017.  I don't endorse Pop Tarts as a regular go-to, but this is a GREAT way to "treat yo self".  However, as with ALL things you can find them on the iNterNet if you don't want to wait.

Stuffed Reese's PB Cups:












Spoiler alert: These are disappointing.  Since this is a 2016 wrap-up, I'm not gonna worry about build up, lead-in, or teasing.  When I started seeing commercials for the stuffed Reese's cups, I thought to myself, "It's about time! Wait, this was MY idea. Sh#t, it's about time!"  I ran out and grabbed me a pack of these obvious chocolate saucers of success. Unfortunately, my hopes were shattered by shock and disappointment. This rocked my world to the core in a sad way.

Look at the picture on the package:

Now, look at the thing:

C'mon.

I'm not going to get any deeper into this.  The pieces were non-existent.  There wasn't even a candy shell crunch to enjoy during the eat. The entire point of the pieces was to enhance the experience of the cup, but if the pieces aren't discernable from the rest of the cup, how can the experience of the cup be enhanced??? This made NO sense.  A complete failure in EVERY sense of the word. Demoralizing, depressing, and frustrating. I almost didn't eat my second cup out of disgust... almost. But I'd still purchase this over the Butterfinger cups.

Whole Grain Cheddar Cheese Goldfish:

Even looking at the words "whole grain" in the title above is making me a little uncomfortable. The fact remains that I stumbled across these appetizing treats by accident when shopping for "kid food" in the grocery store.  I'm a Pepperidge Farm enthusiast for sure.  You put a sack of ChessMen in front of me and I'm going to devour those things in a moment's notice.  The same goes for their bread, for their Milano cookies, and it should be noted that I had to ween myself off of those chocolate chunk varietals years ago.  They may have killed me.  I never would have thought that when they decided to tackle a whole grain version of the classic Goldfish that they could create a whole new perspective for me on "healthier" snacking.  But here's the great news... they're NOT healthier, they just taste better. WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT?!?!?!?

If given the choice, you should ABSOLUTELY get the whole grain Goldfish. Somehow, Pepperidge Farm stumbled on a deeper cheddar flavor and grainier cracker that makes the overall eating experience deeper and more pleasurable overall.  Trust me, the moment that I had a handful of these whole grains I immediately ran to grab a traditional version for a side-by-side comparisson (classic Fat Mike). I needed to make sure I wasn't taking crazy pills. After eating the two, I compared labels and found that although the calorie count was different, the overall snacking balance of ingredients are exactly the same. That is to say, salt, dietary fiber, sat fats, etc. balance out to equal each other.  The whole grains just, STRAIGHT UP, taste better. That's why it was worth Fat Mike sharing. This is not a "healthy alternative". It's just a better option. Eat it.

2016 Wrap up - World News (Pt. 1 of 2)

Happy 2017 everyone. So far, it's been a doozy, and you can rest assured that Faturated Sats will have some great stuff on the horizon, but there's some catching up to do first.

Before January passes by, Faturated Sats wants to wish all you loyal readers a HAPPY New Year and share big news both food related and in the world of The Fat.  I think we'd all agree that it's important to start the year (especially this one) with a clean plate, er, um... I mean slate, and so I'm gonna lay it all out there for you now.

In Fat Mike news, another kid showed up in October of 2016. YAY! He serves as the primary excuse for my absence and lack of posts to finish up 2016.  Aside from the New Edition (not a misspelling, click the link) Fat Mike also started a new job soon after, which I'm SUPER pumped about, and THEN The Fat got a lesson in how to survive the holidays with 2 kids. Whew...  But you know what they say, "excuses are like a$$holes, everybody's got one."  Just because I was crazy busy doesn't mean that I wasn't eating stuff!! Now that balance has been restored to the force, I'm back to sharing updates about new eats.

So before we get to heavy into 2017, let's breeze through a 2016 wrap up.  Unlike most posts, we'll cover a lot of ground and share little tidbits of some exciting food that entered Fat Mike's face.  This will be the first installment, with a second soon to follow.

Wasabi Kit Kats

That's not a misprint. As a very thoughtful and welcome gesture, these were given to me after a colleague returned from a trip to Japan.  I couldn't believe my eyes. Everyone around me cringed when they saw them, but Fat Mike wasn't concerned.  I love wasabi, and I love Kit Kats.  How could that go wrong?

Skeptics, be damned!! This little candy was surprising, satisfying, delicious, and (believe it, or not) addictive.

The wasabi is mixed into what tastes like white chocolate and creates a smooth, bright flavor.  Anyone who's had wasabi with their sushi knows that there's a kick to that special green paste, but the spice from the wasabi only lingers on the back of your palette after the chocolate and wafer have served their purpose and drifted away.  The subtlety of the wasabi is what makes the whole experience so magical. It's like putting a leash on a dragon and then walking it through a dog park. People would be like, "Is that natural? I've seen that before, but something's different."  The wasabi Kit Kat is a marvelous take on a classic snack and if you want to spend $18 on Amazon or eBay, you can bring this nifty little bite to your door.

In brightest day, in blackest night,

No snack shall escape my sight.
Let those who doubt this wafer's might, 

Beware the power, Green Kit Kat's light!!!

 — Hal Jordan  (I think may have said this once)

Okoge Rice Crackers

This hidden gem came from the same overseas snack pack as the Kit Kats.  Normally, a rice cracker wouldn't be worthy of garnishing the virtual pages of Faturated Sats, but this crispy vessel was totally badass. Unlike the bland, gummy rice cracker counterpart that is found here in 'Merika, this Muji cracker is crisp, hearty and touched with a bit of soy to create a luscious, salty, smokey flavor that's baked all the way in.  If you go to the Muji website the only description is, "Savoury rice crackers baked using unique method for natural flavour."  Nuff Said.

At first glance, I thought it was going to be a grainy cracker, so I decided to try it the day that I brought some homemade tuna salad for lunch. Being the innovator that I am, I brazenly broke off a piece and scooped it through my container of tuna.  When the mixture of the soy flavor hit my tongue I couldn't get enough.  This cracker was unexpected and wonderful.  It complimented the tuna perfectly and ended up rounding out what would've been an otherwise boring lunch.  BIG find.

Impressive. Most impressive.

      — Darth Vader 

To finish up, I turn the focus to the folks at Lay's who just keep upping their game.  In addition to the "Do Us A Flavor" contest in 2016, Lay's decided to roll out the "Passport to Flavor" where snackers could collect "miles" by eating limited edition chips to potentially win a trip to one of the exotic destinations that inspired the unique flavors.  I'm never one to chase after prizes, so I don't know the specifics, but it yielded some interesting eats to take advantage of. Admittedly, this could have stood alone as another chapter in Fat Mike's obsession with Lay's products, but in the midst of my child rearing and holiday madness I consumed one of the flavors without taking pics or retaining any thoughts. #eatforeatssake, #daddyfatsgottaeat In my defense, the overlooked flavor was wavy style and anyone who's into Fat Sats knows my feeling about that.  Excuses, excuses. Anyway, you'll have to do without. Since these are no longer in-market, I'll try to keep each rundown brief:

Brazilian Picanha

Was anybody reading when Fat Mike found out Wise was getting into the food truck flavor game?  These are like those. (click here to look back) Believe it or not, I think I liked the Wise chips better.  These were just boring, smoked and "been there done that".  I'm sure someone won a lovely trip to Brazil to taste what REAL Picanha tastes like, and I hope it wasn't this.  There was a little bit of spice, but it didn't really entice you to go back for more.  Sure, I ate the whole bag, but that's just because I can't NOT do that. Overall, not the greatest achievement Lay's has put out there.

Indian Tikka Masala

THESE, on the other hand, were AMAZING.  I really wish that I'd gotten to you guys about this one when it was on the shelves.  HOLY S#@t were these good.  I couldn't put them down.  Lay's captured flavor of a Tikka Masala perfectly.  The cumin, the black pepper, the garlic, and even a hint of clove somewhere in there, but it may have been that good that my taste buds were filling in the gaps.  Such a great achievement.  If I were a more dedicated snacker I would petition that this flavor is manufactured full time and on every grocery shelf year round. Amazing.  I think I consumed this bag in an afternoon.

Chinese Szechuan Chicken

This was a tough one.  I liked it, but there was not as resounding an enthusiasm as with the Masala counterpart.  My wife thought that the Chinese was disgusting and would have nothing to do with them, but it's not often we see eye-to-eye on snacking.  I just want to share a viewpoint from a more layman snacker.  This Szechuan chip had a tangy thing going on that took a little getting used to.  Not like the tang of a diesel Salt & Vinegar chip, but something that was muddied by the other, spicy ingredients.
That may be why it struck my eating partner as so undesirable?  There is such a thing as too many ingredients and I think this chip may have suffered from a lack of editing.  I couldn't really nail down what it was supposed to be and how it tasted like chicken or the typical Szechuan style of seasoning. I love the idea of this flavor, and if it were a matter of consuming that specific chip to win a trip to China, then I'd put the effort in. However, that would be the sole motivation.  Perhaps next time we're diving into asian flavors we could consider a General Tso, or even the simple, yet divine egg roll? Back to the drawing board Frito Lay team.  See you with some new suggestions for 2017.

ALL CAUGHT UP?? Not quite... stay tuned for part two!!