Sunday, February 12, 2017

Eat & Meet & Greet

I've been overwhelmed with texts, emails, and queries about this specific food topic lately.  So, who wants to get naked?

Taco Bell's Naked Chicken Chalupa

N.C.C., how can I explain it?
I'll take it frame by frame it
To have y'all all jumping, shouting, saying it
N is for naked, C is for chicken, scratch your temple
Why's it so good? Well, that's not that simple - huh
It's sort of like, well, another way to call a food a taco
The shell is made of chicken and it's tasety... yeah
Get it for any fun occasion and it's perfect if you're gaming
It seems I gotta start the explaining, bust it...


If you are a regular reader of Faturated Sats then you know that I fervently try to keep up with whatever genius Taco Bell is releasing into the market. Unless you've been living under a rock for last month you should be aware that The Bell has just released a wondrous creation called the "Naked Chicken Chalupa." Make no mistake, what you're about to read is a glowing review of this wonderous food creation and I am encouraging every single person to go out and eat it RIGHT NOW!

First, however, I want to introduce Faturated Sats' official west coast correspondent only to be known as "The Baconado".  Like a bacon tornado, but really a person like Fat Mike who likes to eat stuff. Faturated Sats always appreciates fans, and always welcomes guest contributors.  This meat flavored twister sent me a review of the NCC and we're going to open with the west coast perspective on the NCC as an intro.  Don't worry, Fat Mike's voice will be heard after.  In the future, our hope is that Baconado will be able to swirl through here once in a while to keep us up to date on items exclusive to the WC.  




Thank you for your your contribution, Baconado.  We look forward to great things from you in the future.  Now, it's Fat Mike's turn.


It is apparent that Taco Bell has taken the time to consider everything about this wondrous creation. From conception, to the assembly, to the advertising and even down to the packaging. The moment that you open up this fantastic snack you can tell that you're about to embark on a glorious journey of deliciousness.  I mean, look at the picture (left)! My west coast colleague did nail it with what makes this a stroke of GENIUS.  There's NOTHING in this thing!! It's an optical illusion of food.  Brilliant in it's simplicity, yet complex in execution.  Dare we think about the "how" of making chicken into a taco shell? No. Absolutely not.  But it works.  It works SO well.  There are, however, a couple of KEY things that help the NCC stand alone aside from the brilliant taco shell substitute.


At the bottom of this glorious "chicken" shell is a spicy jalepeno, avocado ranch sauce that is just divine.  It packs a better punch than your typical, bland sour cream and just adds to the overall dining experience in the perfect way.  After all, you can't just dump cheese, lettuce, and tomatoes without some kind of binding ingredient.  This is it.  Additionally, Fat Mike insists that there is some kind of nacho cheese flavoring that is in the crispy batter used to crisp the chicken shell. There's a hint of "dorito-ness" going on in this bad boy that had me at "hello".  I can't be positive, as the flavor is pretty subtle, but if that is an intentional move by the GENIUS BAR GEEK SQUAD at Taco Bell?? Then I applaud you and all that you stand for in the world. Brilliant.
As one final point to round this out, I'd like to comment briefly on the packaging.  I typically don't give a rat's a$$ about how food is dressed up, but I immediately appreciated how The Bell conceived of eating this wondrous contraption.  The NCC comes in an easy to handle, hot pocket-like sleeve that is perfectly sized for taking the first bite.  As the taco comes wrapped in the typical TB paper, you're not sure how you're going to handle an all-chicken taco shell, but The Bell gots you covered.  That's a mindfulness that any customer should appreciate.  As a regular eater, you feel appreciated by the big wigs that make this magic happen.  As you're eating, you think to yourself, "yeah... they made this just for me. Thank you."


To sum up, this is amazing, stupendous, and skrumtrulescent.  Seek it out.  Eat it in (never take The Bell to go #fatmiketips).  However, I do have it on good authority that it travels well if that is your only option #pirateSteve.  There you have it world. Enjoy.
















PS - On a side note, I'd like to point out (in case The Bell is watching) that focus is still required on the classics. Obviously, Fat Mike wouldn't get the NCC by itself. I mean, c'mon. However, my Quesarito was WILDLY disappointing.  


Stack the burrito, folks.  Stack it.  Look at my Rito, and look at the picture!! Haphazardly disproportionate, and inevitably unfortunate.  Don't forget your roots, TB.  Keep the menu strong throughout.  You're better than this.  Don't forget your roots. I know that it can't be perfect all the time, but...

Nuff said. Don't let it happen again.

Friday, February 3, 2017

2016 - Domestic News (pt. 2 of 2)

Welcome back to the 2016 wrap up...

Oh, you thought that I was just hopping around the food globe at the end of 2016? Nay... I took down my share of domestic treats as well.  The breadth of the journey may not be as substantial, but there were a couple of items that need to be noted.

Pumpkin Pie Pop Tarts (or PPPT for short):


You gotta love the fall. Pumpkin lattes, pumpkin candy corns, pumpkin booze, and on and on and on. Rumor has it, this is even embraced overseas where Japan once offered The BK Pumpkin
Laughing Squid found these seasonal monstrosities from Burger King Japan, which include the “Pumpkin Bomb”: a burger topped with lettuce, bacon, creamy nut sauce, and ten slices of fried kabocha.
NO! I didn't eat that!! Fat Mike's never been to JAPAN except in Street Fighter (where he kicked some major ass).
I'm just trying to make a point that there's pumpkin all around us in the fall and it's easy to get caught up in the noise and miss something once in a while.




Send in the PUMPKIN PIE POP TART!!

What a fantastic way to wake up in the morning.  Yes, Pop Tarts are meant to be a morning pastry so that's how Kellog's intends for you to START your day.  After all, breakfast is (supposedly) the most important meal of the day, so why not ingest a 200cal toaster pastry. Wait... there are 2 of them?? Oh, ok then, a 400cal toaster pastry.  Excellent.

Nevertheless, this tasty treat goes PERFECTLY with morning coffee and isn't pretentious enough to claim to have "real pumpkin" hidden anywhere inside.  There's no claim of being "made from real pumpkin" or having "farm raised organic pumpkin ingredients".  This is simply an artificially flavored pumpkin bomb that explodes in your face with the sugary goodness of vanilla frosting and colored sprinkles as the perfect compliment to round out the meal. DELICIOUS.  Seasonally appropriate, easy to prepare, and enough to get anyone steered toward a successful day of... whatever.  This was an LTO folks, so I'm sorry that you can't run out and grab it now, but definitely keep it in mind when you're deciding to embrace the fall of 2017.  I don't endorse Pop Tarts as a regular go-to, but this is a GREAT way to "treat yo self".  However, as with ALL things you can find them on the iNterNet if you don't want to wait.

Stuffed Reese's PB Cups:












Spoiler alert: These are disappointing.  Since this is a 2016 wrap-up, I'm not gonna worry about build up, lead-in, or teasing.  When I started seeing commercials for the stuffed Reese's cups, I thought to myself, "It's about time! Wait, this was MY idea. Sh#t, it's about time!"  I ran out and grabbed me a pack of these obvious chocolate saucers of success. Unfortunately, my hopes were shattered by shock and disappointment. This rocked my world to the core in a sad way.

Look at the picture on the package:


Now, look at the thing:



C'mon.

I'm not going to get any deeper into this.  The pieces were non-existent.  There wasn't even a candy shell crunch to enjoy during the eat. The entire point of the pieces was to enhance the experience of the cup, but if the pieces aren't discernable from the rest of the cup, how can the experience of the cup be enhanced??? This made NO sense.  A complete failure in EVERY sense of the word. Demoralizing, depressing, and frustrating. I almost didn't eat my second cup out of disgust... almost. But I'd still purchase this over the Butterfinger cups.

Whole Grain Cheddar Cheese Goldfish:




Even looking at the words "whole grain" in the title above is making me a little uncomfortable. The fact remains that I stumbled across these appetizing treats by accident when shopping for "kid food" in the grocery store.  I'm a Pepperidge Farm enthusiast for sure.  You put a sack of ChessMen in front of me and I'm going to devour those things in a moment's notice.  The same goes for their bread, for their Milano cookies, and it should be noted that I had to ween myself off of those chocolate chunk varietals years ago.  They may have killed me.  I never would have thought that when they decided to tackle a whole grain version of the classic Goldfish that they could create a whole new perspective for me on "healthier" snacking.  But here's the great news... they're NOT healthier, they just taste better. WHO WOULD'VE THOUGHT?!?!?!?


If given the choice, you should ABSOLUTELY get the whole grain Goldfish. Somehow, Pepperidge Farm stumbled on a deeper cheddar flavor and grainier cracker that makes the overall eating experience deeper and more pleasurable overall.  Trust me, the moment that I had a handful of these whole grains I immediately ran to grab a traditional version for a side-by-side comparisson (classic Fat Mike). I needed to make sure I wasn't taking crazy pills. After eating the two, I compared labels and found that although the calorie count was different, the overall snacking balance of ingredients are exactly the same. That is to say, salt, dietary fiber, sat fats, etc. balance out to equal each other.  The whole grains just, STRAIGHT UP, taste better. That's why it was worth Fat Mike sharing. This is not a "healthy alternative". It's just a better option. Eat it.