Throwback Thursday Snacking?

This one goes out to all the long-term snackies out there... Who remembers these?

Proving yet again that the Internet is an exciting and wild place, these were ordered from Amazon by a colleague that I work with.  I was so impressed, that I thought I'd give a shout on Faturated Sats for the effort and nostalgia.

Dunkaroos are a snack initially released in the early 90s.  Take a look at the quick history here if needed.  Some genius somewhere thought up the idea of dipping cookies into cake frosting as a snack and changed my life forever.  For some reason, this didn't live in the market for very long.  The snack was never officially discontinued, but production was simply scaled back and it became virtually impossible to procure these little packets anywhere. Now that the Internet exists, if you can get past the idea of eating a technically discontinued food that is mailed to your house instead of sold by retailers, then you can enjoy this magical treat anytime.

Let me give you an idea of how deep this runs for the Fat.  After "College Round 3" at the age of 25 when I decided to be an overachiever and earn a 4.0 GPA while chasing my college degree, I worked towards a single, celebratory snack.  For months, I was driven by the idea of getting through my final semester to purchase two ingredients: 1) a package of Oreo cookies and 2) a 16oz container of Betty Crocker "Rich & Creamy" vanilla cake frosting. Thereby, replicating the Dunkaroos experience with my own specialty cookie/frosting combo.  I lounged in front of the TV and plowed through my homemade Dunkaroos with a euphoric vigor after accomplishing my academic goals.  It was SO worth it.  I truly had achieved greatness.

Needless to say, it was a happy surprise to find the real deal in the office years later, and I was very impressed by the number of people who not only knew what Dunkaroos were, but celebrated them. Moreover, I was happy to observe those who were NOT previously aware of this heavenly snack experiencing the joy of dunking sugar cookies in sugar frosting. That zany, Aussie kangaroo mascot is trying to save us all.  Just let him.

Thanks again, Internet... and Vince.

The Cluck Stops Here

Happy 4th of July?  Wait... what day is it?  Is summer really almost over? Holy @#$*!

Sorry for the hiatus, but the Fat's been pretty busy these days. I started writing this post during the July holiday weekend to get you all caught up on some epic eating experiences and it's been until now that I actually had the time to sit and get it done.
There's so much, I'm not sure where to begin...  I know, I'll start at the beginning.

Previously, I've mentioned that working in NYC has its benefits when you're a food enthusiast. Sure, most of the time the title of "foodie" is only applied to folks who seek out modern, unique fusion foods or follow around fancy James Beard award winners.  I believe that the term can still apply to folks like myself who want to explore where to find the best executions of food. This time, my mission was to explore the players in the chicken sandwich game.  So I went out for a 20min walk one day in NYC and collected sandwiches from what I believe to be the top 5 contenders to sit down for an eat.  All at once... for lunch...by myself.

The conversation began when I confessed to some colleagues that I'd never had a chicken sandwich from Shake Shack. For those who are unfamiliar, this is a chain restaurant that was established in NYC in the year 2000.  I won't share the full background, but you can click here to learn more.  It wasn't that this was the most celebrated chicken sandwich universally, but people will argue that Shake Shake is a fantastic contributor to the fast food game, so it got the chicken sandwich crave started.

To make matters worse, Chick-Fil-A had just opened it's first NYC eatery in 2015 mere blocks away from my office.  I'm not an enthusiast, and one could say that I'm "anti-Chick-Fil-A", but that's mainly because I don't like to eat food that's cooked in sadness (reference). Since I normally steered clear(click) of walking into this franchise, this decision to try the strong contenders provided a platform for biting the bullet and seeing if all the Chick-Fil-A fans out there were really justified in their loyalty.

The players:  Burger King, Wendy's, McDonald's, Chick-Fil-A, and Shake Shack.

Let's see who got it done. In order to keep this simple, I'll organize from WORST to BEST. That's right, you'll have to read (or scroll) to find out.

#5 - The Burger King crispy chicken sandwich

Having followed The King's career in the chicken game quite closely over the years, I thought they'd have had a better showing. The King's court has been making some bad choices these days and this chicken sandwich is representative of that.

I went with the Tendercrisp Chicken sandwich thinking that historically their chicken tenders stood out from the crowd. I thought this would be a smart play if they were incorporating the same techniques.  Unfortunately, this was NOT the case.

Blandy, bland, bland.  I have no idea how they pulled it off, but this chicken was so nondescript and soft that it actually felt more like eating a fish filet than a chicken sandwich. I know that makes it sound gross... cause it was.  The brioche bun, while classy, just added another spongy element to a chicken sandwich that needed some more crispiness and taste.  Where were the herbs and spices? C'mon, King.  I expected better from a proprietor with such royal character.  Perhaps the "original chicken" is the only way to go? But that's for another visit.  This one was a miss.




#4 should come as no surprise - McDonald's Buttermilk Crispy chicken sandwich

If you're already familiar with the "Ultimate McDonald's Breakfast" post from late 2015, then you know this isn't my first dive into the Buttermilk Crispy chicken sandwich.  As chicken sandwiches go, McDonald's goes the extra mile to ensure that they offer a crispy style sandwich for the folks who really care.  Just like the King, however, McDonald's has an "original" to fall back on if you want a lower price point, but that's a "value menu" item that doesn't provide the bells and whistles needed for a solid sandwich.  If you've got the extra $3, go with the buttermilk chicken.

This sandwich is tolerable if you are a McDonald's loyalist. Let's say you're driving down an endless highway, and you stop a rest area for sustenance, and the only choices are BK or Mickey D's, and you're CRAVING ONLY a chicken sandwich... then this will save your life.  However, if you're standing in the middle of some fast food mecca with a myriad of food options around you, I suggest crossing the street and heading elsewhere.  This sandwich is nothing to write home about.  It's not as bland as the BK chick, but it's just as boring.  The chicken sandwich market is booming with places that craft quality bites of homestyle chicken and this doesn't hit the mark.  The chicken is sorta crispy, but they suffer the same buttery "brioche sponge" problem of their royal predecessor.  I'm unsure why brioche is the go-to bread these days, but it's not adding any value to these sandwiches. Sorry, Ronald, but it's back to the drawing board if you want to create a fried chicken sandwich that's going to be able to hang with the big boys (or girls...that's for you Wendy).

#3 - Chick-Fil-A chicken sandwich

I never thought that this would make it to third on the list.  Ironically enough, it came down to faith.  I had FAITH in the competitors out there and I was disappointed by an unfocused tyrannical leader and his idiot, clown cousin.  The unfortunate truth is that there's something Chick-Fil-A does to their chicken that is flavorful and delicious.  There is a magical combination of herbs and spices that they've thrown together to create a perfect breading and perfect balance of spice with natural chicken flavor.

But before we get carried away, let's discuss the sandwich as a whole.  I don't care how many hundreds of herbs and spices dress the bird, or whether there's a magical team of angels straight from heaven working the line in the kitchen, there's no excuse for having a $4+ sandwich that consists only of cooked chicken, bread, and pickles. That's ridiculous.  I'm not suggesting that every sandwich has to be douched in mayonnaise, but a little bit of crisp lettuce, tomato, or a unique special sauce isn't too much to ask.  This is a delicious execution, but lacking in "bang for the buck".  If Chick-Fil-A thinks that they can win me over with a little bit of fancy spicing and cooking technique they are sorely mistaken.  It'll take more than that to get me to walk through those doors of judgment. Please note: a donation of the $5 that was spent at Chick-Fil-A was made to The Point Foundation National LGBTQ Scholarship Fund. Click here to donate now!

#2 - Wendy's Spicy Chicken Sandwich

I know what you're going to say, "HEY! How come Wendy's get's the Spicy Chicken Sandwich?" The answer if plain and simple: I love Wendy, and she loves me, and I'll do whatever she tells me to do. As readers, you'll simply need to have faith in the fact that I know what Wendy's has to offer, and while the Wendy's Homestyle chicken is a strong sandwich, the Spicy Chicken sandwich is one of the best out there.  I'm using this opportunity to assure you folks that if given the choice between the preceding options listed above, and you're on the fence about giving money to Chick-Fil-A, this is a SOLID choice.

It may not look like much, but this chicken sammie has some good bang for the buck.  They don't skimp on the condiments, and Wendy knows how to make some kickin' chicken.  It's not "melt your face" spicy, but just enough to make you want to keep tasting it with another bite.  That smiling redhead does it again with a delightful dining experience and grabs the #2 spot.

#1 - Shake Shack's Chick'n Shack

That's right... not even the alluring eyes of Wendy could get me to deny that the Chick'n Shake is one of the absolute BEST chicken sandwiches out there right now.  I mean, C'MON, just look at this thing:

The sandwich has a slightly higher price tag a $6+, but it is SO worth it.  The thing is served in a box. The kind that you are given when you're carrying multiple food items at a sporting event.  All for just one sandwich.  The chicken is cooked in a manner that makes you believe your grandmother is making it in the Shake Shack kitchen from scratch.  The breading peels off like the chicken is donating it to you willingly.  This sandwich lacks the LTO (lettuce, tomato, onion) used by some of the competitors, but there's shredded lettuce and a ZESTY buttermilk ranch dressing to substitute. The dressing adds a needed zip of flavor to the eat and is unique from any of the other sandwiches in the market.  This sandwich is a beast to get through.  Especially, after you've just eaten 4 other sandwiches already, but there was NOTHING that could stop me from taking down what ended up being the uncontested victor in the chicken sandwich tasting.

It's worth pointing out that bonus points were thrown to the Shake Shack sandwich makers when I realized that the bun was only partially cut on purpose.  This sandwich is served on a potato roll that is left bound in the back to prevent slippage.  That's right.  When held properly, the makers assured that you lose no sauce, patty, or lettuce out of the backside when wrapping your mouth around this epic, fried chicken mammoth.

Shake Shack, you truly give thought and care to the food that you are supplying to the masses, and you've made a true fan out of this guy.  Fat Mike was EXTREMELY impressed by this showing, and did NOT expect there to be such a knock-out victory.





You left all other chicken sandwiches in your wake.
You turned a Mac attack into a Shack attack.
You knocked the King off his thrown and stole his crown.
You kicked those cows in the udder and said "you're welcome"
You swung that little redhead over your head by her ponytails.
Well played.  I totally smell what the Shack is cookin',

Mem-oreos Day

You saw them on the shelves, but you never tried them?  That's the thing about limited editions... you gotta grab 'em while they're HOT... or room temperature.  TWO NEW flavors to review for you today. I'm talking about...

FILLED CUPCAKE & CINNAMON BUN OREOS

"Filled Cupcake Oreos" is another way of saying "Hostess Cupcake STYLE Oreos".  C'mon, let's not beat around the snack bush.  Nobody sees a cupcake filled with delicious, creamy, white filling and says, "Hey, you like those filled cupcakes?"  Legally, Oreo can't embrace the Hostess name, but at the end of the day, Faturated Sats is gonna call a spade a "Hostess Cupcake".

From the moment that I saw this on the shelf, I was intrigued.  How was an Oreo different from a cream filled cupcake in the first place? Chocolate outside, creamy center inside.  Even the consumption process is the same. Let's consider the steps:
 - Step 1: Buy snack
 - Step 2: Bite into snack
 - Step 3: Enjoy chocolate cookie outside with creamy, white inside. Done.

Not so fast, my friends.  There is a not-so-hidden technique with these cookies that makes for a unique and interesting snacking experience.

Normally, I'm not down with "instructions" for snacking.  As you can see in the picture above, the packaging specifically says to "Twist & Lick" these cookies.  This is an easily ignorable command, but I promise you will lose out on the experience if you ignore this.  Simply biting into the cookie makes for a pleasant Oreo eat, but when you take a moment to change your eating pattern by that small step, the whole experience changes right before your eyes.  The folks who came up with this are GENIUSES.

To the untrained eye, these look like chocolate Oreos, but don't be fooled by their commonplace appearance like I did.  As a seasoned Oreo eater, I immediately popped a whole cookie in my mouth and thought to myself, "what's the big deal?"  To make matters worse, I even opened up a cookie and started to peel out the filling (as I do with traditional Oreos) to see if the only magic what when you removed the cookie from the equation.  I did, however, notice that there were differences in the consistency of the filling and realized that I probably wasn't getting the whole experience.  I had completely ignored the specific instructions on the packaging.

I can't emphasize enough how important this is to get the full, unbridled experience from this specific licked into it you don't just sweep through getting a chocolate/vanilla mix.  The vanilla cream softens just enough that you get a light taste of the chocolate along with the traditional Oreo filling flavor.  The chocolate is not "hard" by any means, but it is evident that the two fillings stand alone as singular tastes.
flavor of Oreo.  What the makers have done was create a different consistency between the two fillings, so that when you

What really boggles my mind is how this got applied in the first place.  If you watch how Oreos are made, you can see the machine that applies the cream to the cookies.  There's certainly an efficiency to the process, but after eating the "filled cupcake" cookies you can appreciate how they would have SPECIFICALLY updated the manufacturing process to accommodate this cookie build.  I have a deep appreciation for something that obviously took a lot of forethought and effort.  Nice job, Nabisco.  It's certainly not reinventing the wheel, but your work was not lost on me.

In a quick follow up:

This cookie is not nearly as deep and complex as it's cupcake counterpart.  This Oreo is a simple matter of executing the right flavor profiles and putting them together. Nevertheless, the Oreo-wizards hit the nail on the head with this one.

They took almost everything there is to love about a good cinnamon bun and put it into a bite sized cookie.  By taking the usual vanilla cookies from the blonde Oreos and adding just a touch of cinnamon, they almost take on a sort of graham cracker flavor.  It's ideal for the creamy, sugary, zesty frosting that they put in the sandwich. Obviously the balance of cookie to cream is what make any Oreo successful and this holds onto that balance nicely.

The only thing that is lacking on this cookie is that there isn't any undertones in the flavor.  I know it sounds picky, but part of what makes a cinnamon bun delicious is that oven cooked exterior that's almost burnt.  That way, when you bit into the bun you have that soft center, with the sugary frosting and the slightly over cooke exterior to balance it out.  This cookie eats more like a refreshing graham cracker with the sweet frosting in between.

Regardless, with a nice milk chaser, this cookie is definitely a success.  A lot sweeter than the typical Oreo, so know that going in.  If you have a taste for cinnamon, and a sweet tooth for a good frosting this is the cookie for you.  Eat happily if you find it on the shelves.  This flavor was introduced to the shelves in Jan of 2016 and (as you can see in the pic above) was NOT labeled as a "limited edition".  I can't be sure if it's still out there, but go out and find it for yourselves.  Keep 'em coming, Nabisco.  You are definitely a stand out in the snack market.  You keep us consumers and enthusiasts happy and on our toes.

Pringles bells, Pringles smells, Pringles all the way!!

Fat Mike's a big Pringles fan.  Even as a boy growing up, I got sucked in by the innovative package design and sleek curvature of the chip that fit so nicely in my face. While I'm totally satisfied with the traditional Pringle, there are some totally awesome flavors out there that may have fallen under the radar of the normal chip consumer.  The Fat is here to share just a few with you.

I think Pringles has upwards of 20 flavors circulating the market these days  They are prone to throwing out PLENTY of limited edition flavors as well, so it's important to keep your eyes peeled.  I have no intention of ranking my favorites, but Fat Mike just likes to keep you fine folks aware of what is circulating out there.  I'm especially pleased to be able to share a unique Pringle that I happened upon which I have NEVER seen before or since.  They're not even on Pringles' own flavor list, but we'll get to those shortly.

Finally, it should be noted that Pringles divides their own flavors into categories.  The only flavor categories in this post are Xtra, Favorites, and Limited Edition.  For the full list of available flavors and categories, click here.

Let's start with one from the "Favorite": Salt & Vinegar.  Every chip vendor dabbles in the S&V and it's become a mandatory flavor for any manufacturer who wants to hang with the giants out there.  Having celebrated the other traditional flavors in my Pringle riddled past, I grabbed these off the shelf after realized that I'd never judged how these held up.

Eh...

It was too bad.  I didn't really get a good feel from these.  Pringles subscribes to the "coating technique" when flavoring their chips in order to limit the "greases" left behind (I think) similar to a Chee-to, or Doritos. However, this technique seems to be the downfall because the flavor isn't cooked into the chip as much as some competitors.  So, when you dig into this can for the tangy zip of some S&V you instead get a Pringle that's dusted with a vinegary powder with a fading moment of flavor.  It's not like you can just blow it off like dust on an old library book, but that's the way it comes across during the eat.  The flavor isn't bold, and instead just fades away quickly leaving an almost bitter aftertaste.  Granted, that makes you want to reach in and replace the flavor in your mouth with another chip, but I just don't subscribe to the forced follow up.


I ended up giving away the remainder of the chips (after I got about halfway through) to some dudes I was hanging with, but THAT resulted in learning a handy "Pringle-Tip".  I've always appreciated the can for its simplicity in funneling the last remnants of the crushed chips into my face with a simple tip o the can into the face-piece.  However, a classier way of approaching this is to simply use the cap as a plate for clean eating.  I was shockingly impressed and humbled by the fact that this had never crossed my mind.  Nevertheless, it's always been obvious that Fat Mike is barbaric in his approach to eating and only considers the intake, not what it looks like from the outside. There's always room for some classy snacking.

Anyway... back to the point.

Moving into the X-tra category, we have the Pringles "X-tra Tangy Buffalo Wing" flavor.  on the end of the eat.  The spice level is perfect, and just keeps you grabbing for chip, after chip, after chip.  Unfortunately, there isn't a flavor locator on the Pringles website, but it's not uncommon for supermarkets to keep some of the X-tra flavors on the shelves.  I would drench this in a nice, homemade bleu cheese dip or throw it on top of a grilled chicken sandwich to add some tang and spice. That's right, not on the side... on the SANDWICH. If you don't know... try it. Life = changed.
When I first plucked this pearl from the oyster shell of my local convenience store, I was curious about the title. Most vendors simply execute "buffalo style" flavors trying to replicate the basic wing flavor. Why are Pringles adding the "tangy" to the title?  I soon found out the answer.  These chips are a REVELATION! They have such an addictive "zip" to the flavor that walks the line between tasting EXACTLY like traditional buffalo sauce and a spicy, South Carolina BBQ sauce.  The "tangy" comes from a vinegary addition that comes in right

Next, there are a couple of "Limited Editions" from the Pringles "Food Truck" exploratory.  I would advocate that this become a much more regular practice from the Pringles flavor development team. Regardless of whether the flavors I've tried were executed successfully, Food Trucks are all the rage these days and the flavor profiles could be AMAZING if explored further.  Could you imagine an Arepa flavored Pringles chip?? Or Jerk flavored Pringles?? Get with the program, Julius. *The Pringles logo is a stylized cartoon caricature of the head of a male figure (commonly known as "Julius Pringles") 

Thankfully, the 2 that I was able to try did not disappoint: Kickin' Chicken Taco, and Cheeseburger.


We'll start with the rhyming Kickin' Chicken.  This was good, but not great.  The Pringle provides the perfect base using the nicely cooked potato and sturdy construction for housing the bold flavor, but there wasn't any depth to the flavor.  The "taco" was facilitated by some nice chili powder, and there was a bit of "salsa-esk" spice to it, but any nuance was overwhelmed by the chili powder.  In the end, it was a decent chip, but nothing to write home (or extensively in this blog) about.

Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger, Cheeseburger!!!

These are difficult to describe, but after a lot of thought and reflection, I'm gonna give it a shot.  Do these chips actually taste like a cheeseburger? No.  Is there a meaty flavor anywhere in the chip? Absolutely not.  However, you that smell you get in your car after you order McDonald's drive thru and then ride with the bag in your car for a while? These chips taste like that.  There's no essence of cheeseburger in the chip, but what the Pringles flavor team were able to create was a chip that tastes like what a fast food burger SMELLS like.  When you pop one of these chips in your mouth, you get ketchup, you get mustard, you get a little bit of onion, and you get pickle.  All of the condiments found on a cheeseburger are represented in full on this Pringle.  It's amazing to experience.  You can't help but feel like you're eating a cheeseburger chip, but your brain knows that what you're eating doesn't taste ANYTHING like a cheeseburger. Crazy, right? Yeah... crazy like a FOX.

Finally the coup-de-gras! Dessert.

 Your eyes aren't deceiving you, those are WHITE CHOCOLATE PRINGLES!!!  I walked into the store expecting nothing, and came out with THIS!  Even if you read the Thrillest ranking of all 29 flavors of Pringles posted in April of 2015, you won't find this ANYWHERE on that list.  The container was a bit dinged up, and I knew it fell in the "Limited Time" category so I grabbed 'em up and jumped in.  WOW!! This was a triumph.  Sure, it's a little odd to apply a white chocolate powder to a chip, but it blends with the salt PERFECTLY and just melts in your mouth.  At first, the sensation is strange because the flavor takes your mouth and your brain by surprise.  Moreover, a crucial part of the experience is in the eating technique.  If you just pop the chip in your mouth, you'll get a good experience and emerge confused, but willing to dive in again.  However, if you close your lips slightly as the chip slides in, the Pringle dust coats the lips and as you consume the chip you're left to lick the lips to grab that sweet finish on the tongue.  It's dazzling.  I was so impressed that I started to share with random people to see if they had the same reaction. Those who were brave/trusting enough to try them came away with the same feeling.  These are only available around the holidays, but I'm not sure what holidays they choose to bust these out.

As I stated earlier, Pringles will keep you on your toes. Always be on the lookout for new, and exciting work out of the Pringles innovators.  They know what they're doing, and they're doing it well.  These are just a few gems out there. Go out and experience all that the Pringles team has to offer.  Peace, and Pringles be with you.

Corned Beef, Cabbage, Burger Cake, and Puss

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

As we leave March behind us, I'm taking a moment to reflect on the passing month.  I can't just let springtime come around without acknowledging the epic food event that took place to close out the winter season during my latest birthday celebration.  Fair warning, this edition of Faturated Sats chronicles "The Eats of March" rather than focusing on a singular food review.  Who am I kidding, this was the eats of a day in March.

I've got a St. Patty's Day birthday.  Yes, it makes for some epic stories and celebrations, but it's also a day when almost EVERY place to eat is serving the staple Corned Beef and Cabbage.  This year was a SPECIAL treat because I finally wandered into a place I've driven by for YEARS: The Old Canal Inn.  This is a spot that I've always been curious about, but never had the opportunity or inclination to wander into, but for SOME reason, it was suggested for family dinner on birthday night.  Wow...this place did NOT disappoint.  By the time I left I was conceding that this may be my new permanent go to for traditional tavern food.  What a spot. A divided, ground floor area with a full bar, shuffleboard and darts on one side with a sit-down restaurant and a stage for live music on the other. I'll be damned if this didn't check every box on Fat Mike's list for must haves in a place to chill. I was impressed from the moment I stepped in.  Thankfully, when the food came out it stood just as tall as the kick-ass space I was sitting in.  The corned beef was soft and delicious, sitting in a pool of cabbage juice and meat fat. I'm salivating just thinking about it.  It melted in my mouth with the crunchy, soaked cabbage and all that flavor did a dance in my face.  I was impressed. As a St. Patty's expert, I've consumed my fair share of CB&C, and I'm telling you that this stood with some of the best of 'em.  Sure, I may have also tried the nachos, and some of my wife's Fish 'n Chips (which were ALSO amazing... go get 'em), but I was sure to save room because I knew there was a treat (or treats) waiting for me at home.  NEXT!!!

This was big year for cake at Fat Mike's house. My amazing sister showed strong with a special treat that has started becoming a go-to on special occasions. This, ladies and gents, is a BURGER cake. No, it's not a cake with a burger in it (although I'd eat that too), but it's a traditional, double-stacked yellow cake that is built to look like a legit burger.  Those are legit sesame seeds on the top of that bun, people!!  As I hope you can see in the pics, the 2 layers of cake are divided by a generous helping of chocolate filling (the burger) and then multicolored frosting to represent tomatoes and lettuce. *because there's GOTS to be some veggies to balance this out, am I wrong??*  As I mentioned, this isn't the first time that this cake has graced our household.  Does anyone remember Father's Day 2015 (click if you want to reminisce) Yep, the cake was there, too!  HDP and burger cake anyone? Mmmmm... Sis, you're the best.

As an added anecdote, there was controversy stirred up this year with the addition of the "Fat Mike" messaging.  Apparently, bakers don't think it's "PC" to write Fat Mike on a Hamburger Cake.  My sister had to pull some serious strings to get that part executed.  That's love, folks... and I love her right back.

I know what you're thinking... "That's GOT to be it, Fat Mike."  Nope.  I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine.

COOKIE PUSS!

It's become clear to me recently that the world is unaware of my ice cream composed friend pictured above.  Back when Fat Mike was just a little tyke, this loyal dairy confection stood beside me through thick, and thicker, and thicker still. Cookie O' Puss only peeks his head out for the St. Patty's holiday, and he is the distant overseas cousin of Cookie Puss.

Unfortunately, Carvel Ice Cream stores are not as frequently found as they were when mini-Fat was running loose in the 80s. There are few of the recent generation who even know of his existence. Cookie Puss used to have a public stage and people would come from far and wide to shake (and then eat) his had.  CLICK FOR PROOF . However, once franchises started being overrun by fancy-shmancy ice cream vendors, compatriots like Cookie Puss faded into the shadows. The glorious figure once featured in coolers across the nation vanished, and now he can only be summoned via special order.  Believe it or not, there are some Carvel franchise owners who don't even know who Cookie Puss IS?!?! Nevertheless, Fat Mike gets a Cookie Puss for his birthday EVERY year thanks to a loyal, dedicated, doting and beautiful lady who foolishly committed her life to the Fat many years ago.

What washes burger cake down better than opening up a box and eating a friend you've known your whole life.  That's right.  Although Cookie Puss is celebrated, he's fervently and methodically consumed.  This year was special in that "the boy" was an active participant. We stood over Mr. Cookie O' Puss, thanked him for his sacrifice and carved into his lovely, gloved, green hands.  "Why the hands first" you ask? This is to ensure that The Puss is unable to fight back.  Step two is wiping that smug smile off his face (via consumption) and then we work the way up.  Very rarely is a Cookie Puss consumed in a single sitting, but the carving and eating process is well thought out.  Over the course of the next couple days, we move around the face and rip through that glorious cone nose. The LAST thing to eat are those supple, all-seeing, flying-saucer eyes. Cookie Puss has to watch the whole time, poor soul, but his sacrifice is noble and his heart is strong.  We should all hope to achieve the level of poise, strength, and courage that Cookie Puss shows year, after year, after year, after year.

Now, you've been introduced.  Should you see a Puss in your local Carvel Ice Cream cooler, give him a wink.  Purchase him for a friend, or even yourself.  Look into those eyes and see the happiness that he knows his sacrifice is bringing to so many.  Relish in that moment, then eat your (and his) heart out.

Try not to Ruffle my Poutine

Thanks Canada - said nobody, ever.

Eh, I've never visited our neighbor to the north, so I can't hate.  Luckily for me, a close buddy (aka "The Professor) decided to relocate up to Montreal and recently shared a hidden gem that is available in Labatt's Land.

Poutine Flavored Ruffles

In case you're not familiar, Poutine is a dish that is served in many flavors and styles.  The most common Poutine is similar to what we know here in the states as "disco fries".  The makeup of the dish is a bed of french fries, smothered in a brown gravy (usually beef stock) which serves to melt the heaping amount of cheese curds on top.  This last part is usually what turns off most people from the idea of Poutine.  For some reason, people hear "cheese curds" and think that there is some nasty process involved.  There isn't:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheese_curd  Thanks, Internet.


I, on the other hand, am a HUGE fan of cheese curds (as you could probably imagine). I don't recall the first time I had them, but I've always loved 'em and been able to easily to polish off a pile of cheese curds in a hot second.  The curds also come in a variety of flavors if you find the right market: horseradish, cheddar, jack, pepper jack, dill, taco, etc. Mmmm...  wait, what was I talking about?

It should be noted that the packaging takes the time to remind you that these are actually GOOD for you if you think about it:

Oh yeah... poo-poo, Poutine.

I had only heard of Poutine, and (as most loyal readers would know, hahaha) I just hopped off the Lay's "Do Us A Flavor" train.  I kept thinking to myself, "am I capable of doing another side by side?" Nevertheless, I relied on the idea that I understood enough about how Poutine and its relation to my old, Jersey-based friend, the disco fry.  Off we went.  

When I first tasted the chip, it was rich, flavorful and certainly unique.  As some know, I have strong opinions about Ruffles and their basic design, but they do provide a strong foundation for holding hearty flavors.  The girth and shear real estate of the chip allows for layering of flavors when trying to tackle something like this.  Obviously, tackling a potato based dish when crafting a new flavor is a great starting point, but the flavor designers were really able to focus on capturing the nuances of the peppery gravy, and the meaty base that encompasses the original dish.  Apparently they believed they nailed it too, because they had to specify on the outside of the bag that the bag didn't really have Poutine inside.

I suddenly found myself in a quandary because I didn't have a concrete grasp on whether they had really captured the flavor of a traditional Poutine.  There was only one thing to do: consult the Internet and find the closest Poutine.  Luckily, I live a stones throw away from one of the biggest cities in the world, so tracking down Poutine was easier than expected.  I was pleased to find a cosy watering hole that was actually called "Dive Bar" who not only served a traditional Poutine on their menu, but had a bunch of different "styles" of Poutine circulating as specials during the week.  I knew I had found the right place.

This food did NOT disappoint.  It's the same as disco fries, but different.  The fries are MUCH more saturated in a thick and flavorful gravy, and the cheese is thick and delicious.  Where disco fries use mozzarella to have a stringy, melted consistency a Poutine has those thicker curds that don't melt all the way through and still have a thick, cheesy bite.  You dig your way through a hearty, rich pile of soft potato, half melted cheese, and meaty, smokey gravy.  Like any red-blooded American, I even put a dollop (or a smakeral as my son would call it) of ketchup for the last quarter of the dish, just so that I could mix a nice tomato flavor into the gravy soaked leftovers at the bottom of the dish. Yum.

I was able to affirm that Ruffles had done the Poutine justice.  Sure, they're a bit salty, but that's to be expected when you add that kind of "beef stock" flavor to a salt ridden chip vessel.  Of course, if I ever find my way to the mighty north, I'll be sure to try some authentic Poutine, and I wish that this review could encourage the ever enthusiastic readers of Faturated Sats to run out to their local snack purveyor and grab a bag.  Unfortunately, this is a delicacy that only the hockey playing hosers up in Canada can get their hands on.  Take a trip, folks. Canada's calling:  POOOOOOTEEEEEEENN!!!

Storming The Castle

"The crave is a powerful thing"

That is absolutely true, and "the crave" punches Fat Mike in the face about 4 times a year.  This time, it led to the meal pictured below:

This meal was fueled by the excuse that people I worked with had NEVER eaten White Castle before. I seized the opportunity to hit the castle, and hit it HARD.

After quickly perusing the White Castle website, and downloading the White Castle APP (which is VERY worth it, by the way) I realized that I'd been overlooking the castle as more than just a stronghold for my sack... of burgers (you sick people).  Until this point, I had only journeyed to the Castle to grab a 10 (or 20) pack of burgers to feed my slider monkey, but there is a WORLD of other options that most may not have known about.  No worries... allow me to educate you.

To keep this simple, I'm going to review all of the sandwiches that I consumed during my 15min visit from WORST to best. You'll have to read (or scroll) to see which one came out on top.

The Jalapeno Chesse Slider - I went into this one thinking that it would be a solid grab because it embraces everything about the original White Castle slider with a smooth cheese and some spice. I couldn't have been more disappointed. Not only was the flavor bland, but the spice was virtually non-existent.  If there were jalapenos in the burger, I didn't taste 'em.  If it was supposed to have spicy cheese, it didn't.  I'm SO glad that I didn't open with this one or save it for last.  Ugh. Do not recommend. A waste of money and a waste of more useful eating space.


The Bacon Cheddar Grilled Chicken Slider- PLEASE image search this sandwich on the InterWeb and compare it to the sandwich I have pictured to the left.  I understand that White Castle can't necessarily be held accountable for consistency when cranking out low quality food by the dozen, but c'mon.  Not only was the chicken patty lackluster in size and flavor, but aside from the abundance of bacon (which I appreciated) there was almost no cheese whatsoever.  This just proved to me that White Castle isn't necessarily putting the effort into the "chicken" side of their menu even though they tout it on their website.  I guess the chicken battle going on in fast food these days doesn't worry the knights of the white castle.  Step up your chicken game, fellas.

The Classic - Yes, the other two were bad enough that I included the classic slider to emphasize that they are not good enough to forego the classic in any circumstance.  Besides, how could I overlook a slider that I could EASILY eat 20 of at any given moment?  It makes the list as a steady, and consistent "go to".

The Turkey Dinner Slider - Yes, I spent $20 at White Castle during the Thanksgiving holiday season.  Was I surprised to find that White Castle had crafted a specialty slider embracing traditional Thanksgiving flavors? Absolutely.  Did I have any choice about whether to try it? No, I didn't.
As MC Phife Dawg would say: "You get an E for effort, and a T for nice try" White Castle. This wasn't a bad eat by any means.  The sandwich consisted of a turkey burger topped with a sweet potato waffle fry, and a cranberry sauce spread on the traditional slider bun. I'm a big fan of the turkey burger and was happy to see that White Castle was offering this alternative.  However, there was no way to stop the turkey from tasting dried out and the cranberry sauce was too sweet for its own good.  Had they decided to use a cranberry jelly (like the canned stuff) that might have worked better.  But putting the more "fresh" cranberry lipstick on this pig just overwhelmed the sandwich a bit with sweetness.  Nevertheless, the flavors worked well together and played to the Thanksgiving theme they were looking for. Impressive work, White Castle. Very not bad.

Bacon Egg Breakfast Waffle Slider - White Castle does what???

That's right, breakfast folks.  Not only that, it's available ALL DAY.  Not only that, it's not a limited menu!! Take THAT punch to your clown balls Ronald McDonald!  Unfortunately, The Fat didn't have the capacity to take down the whole breakfast AND lunch menu in the same sitting, but I decided that the Waffle Slider would provide a good foundation for seeing what the White Castle breakfast had to offer.
This was GOOD stuff.  If inclined, I would CERTAINLY walk into the Castle and order up a 10pack of these to bring to a tailgate, or enjoy as a comfy weekend breakfast.  The waffle stayed reasonably crispy, but I can't imagine that would withstand any resting time past 10min or so. However, with a little bit of ketchup and Shiracha this sandwich could provide the perfect recovery for a weekend warrior on the mend after a mean bender.  The fried egg, bacon slices, cheese, and waffle make for a perfectly executed breakfast sandwich.  In addition, it makes for a good tiny-bite breakfast for those who don't want to get overwhelmed with a bulky sandwich.  Keep an eye out for an updated post, should I decide to tackle the White Castle breakfast menu. This was a solid motivator. TBD

The Veggie Slider - This was the dark horse of the group.  I didn't expect much. To be honest, when initially ordering I thought the Veggie burger would be ranked where the Jalapeno currently sits, but this was GOOD!! First positive, it's only $0.99!  That's right! Second positive, it's ACTUALLY a veggie burger.  Need proof? White Castle was issued Peta's "Kind Fast Food" award for this slider. Hahaha.
"It’s made with actual peas, carrots, zucchini, spinach, and broccoli" - PETA
The icing on the cake is that the sandwich comes with a CHOICE of sauces for topping: Ranch or Thai Chili. I went with the ranch sauce because I simply didn't know what to expect, but after consumption I would have definitely tried the thai sauce just to see the difference.  I couldn't have been more impressed with how soft, tasty, and surprisingly fresh this slider was. Come to think of it, I never would've expected White Castle to even acknowledge this demographic of slider considering their reputation and history in the fast food world.  If you submit to the crave as often as I do, go in and give this one a try.  Man up, and add it to your sack.

Finally, The Winner Is...

White Castle's Surf & Turf Slider!!!

I know what you're thinking, "Either Steve Harvey is gonna chime in and announce a different winner, or Fat Mike's lost his mind".  At first, I thought I might be going crazy, too.  In fairness, this was the last sandwich I took down, but that could have only added to the very clear fact that this sandwich is a fantastic accent to the White Castle menu and truly shows that the knights of the castle are on duty and ready to serve.  What makes it even better is that it's an item that's listed on the "secret menu" for most White Castle franchises. (see here)  This has cheese on the bottom AND top of the slider, with chopped white onion, a golden fried fish patty, and double stack of slider meat.  Coming in at a wallet busting $3.99 it is by far the most expensive item within the castle walls, but it is worth EVERY penny.  I wouldn't go breaking the bank with a 20pack order anytime, but grabbing a few while on the go would make for a good time.  The blend of the flavors was perfect, and as your mouth chomps through the bread, makes it's way into the crispy fish, and then mixes that all together with that mushy burger... it just don't get any better.  This slider is a GAME changer, and a MUST TRY on the Fat's recommendation list.  Got a craving? RUN to your nearest castle, grab a sack, and throw this in there for good measure.  Your mouth and tummy with thank you (and me) when it's all over.  HERE, HERE to the Castle! Long may the crave forever feed the dark knight that sleeps within me.