Corned Beef, Cabbage, Burger Cake, and Puss

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!

As we leave March behind us, I'm taking a moment to reflect on the passing month.  I can't just let springtime come around without acknowledging the epic food event that took place to close out the winter season during my latest birthday celebration.  Fair warning, this edition of Faturated Sats chronicles "The Eats of March" rather than focusing on a singular food review.  Who am I kidding, this was the eats of a day in March.

I've got a St. Patty's Day birthday.  Yes, it makes for some epic stories and celebrations, but it's also a day when almost EVERY place to eat is serving the staple Corned Beef and Cabbage.  This year was a SPECIAL treat because I finally wandered into a place I've driven by for YEARS: The Old Canal Inn.  This is a spot that I've always been curious about, but never had the opportunity or inclination to wander into, but for SOME reason, it was suggested for family dinner on birthday night.  Wow...this place did NOT disappoint.  By the time I left I was conceding that this may be my new permanent go to for traditional tavern food.  What a spot. A divided, ground floor area with a full bar, shuffleboard and darts on one side with a sit-down restaurant and a stage for live music on the other. I'll be damned if this didn't check every box on Fat Mike's list for must haves in a place to chill. I was impressed from the moment I stepped in.  Thankfully, when the food came out it stood just as tall as the kick-ass space I was sitting in.  The corned beef was soft and delicious, sitting in a pool of cabbage juice and meat fat. I'm salivating just thinking about it.  It melted in my mouth with the crunchy, soaked cabbage and all that flavor did a dance in my face.  I was impressed. As a St. Patty's expert, I've consumed my fair share of CB&C, and I'm telling you that this stood with some of the best of 'em.  Sure, I may have also tried the nachos, and some of my wife's Fish 'n Chips (which were ALSO amazing... go get 'em), but I was sure to save room because I knew there was a treat (or treats) waiting for me at home.  NEXT!!!

This was big year for cake at Fat Mike's house. My amazing sister showed strong with a special treat that has started becoming a go-to on special occasions. This, ladies and gents, is a BURGER cake. No, it's not a cake with a burger in it (although I'd eat that too), but it's a traditional, double-stacked yellow cake that is built to look like a legit burger.  Those are legit sesame seeds on the top of that bun, people!!  As I hope you can see in the pics, the 2 layers of cake are divided by a generous helping of chocolate filling (the burger) and then multicolored frosting to represent tomatoes and lettuce. *because there's GOTS to be some veggies to balance this out, am I wrong??*  As I mentioned, this isn't the first time that this cake has graced our household.  Does anyone remember Father's Day 2015 (click if you want to reminisce) Yep, the cake was there, too!  HDP and burger cake anyone? Mmmmm... Sis, you're the best.

As an added anecdote, there was controversy stirred up this year with the addition of the "Fat Mike" messaging.  Apparently, bakers don't think it's "PC" to write Fat Mike on a Hamburger Cake.  My sister had to pull some serious strings to get that part executed.  That's love, folks... and I love her right back.

I know what you're thinking... "That's GOT to be it, Fat Mike."  Nope.  I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine.

COOKIE PUSS!

It's become clear to me recently that the world is unaware of my ice cream composed friend pictured above.  Back when Fat Mike was just a little tyke, this loyal dairy confection stood beside me through thick, and thicker, and thicker still. Cookie O' Puss only peeks his head out for the St. Patty's holiday, and he is the distant overseas cousin of Cookie Puss.

Unfortunately, Carvel Ice Cream stores are not as frequently found as they were when mini-Fat was running loose in the 80s. There are few of the recent generation who even know of his existence. Cookie Puss used to have a public stage and people would come from far and wide to shake (and then eat) his had.  CLICK FOR PROOF . However, once franchises started being overrun by fancy-shmancy ice cream vendors, compatriots like Cookie Puss faded into the shadows. The glorious figure once featured in coolers across the nation vanished, and now he can only be summoned via special order.  Believe it or not, there are some Carvel franchise owners who don't even know who Cookie Puss IS?!?! Nevertheless, Fat Mike gets a Cookie Puss for his birthday EVERY year thanks to a loyal, dedicated, doting and beautiful lady who foolishly committed her life to the Fat many years ago.

What washes burger cake down better than opening up a box and eating a friend you've known your whole life.  That's right.  Although Cookie Puss is celebrated, he's fervently and methodically consumed.  This year was special in that "the boy" was an active participant. We stood over Mr. Cookie O' Puss, thanked him for his sacrifice and carved into his lovely, gloved, green hands.  "Why the hands first" you ask? This is to ensure that The Puss is unable to fight back.  Step two is wiping that smug smile off his face (via consumption) and then we work the way up.  Very rarely is a Cookie Puss consumed in a single sitting, but the carving and eating process is well thought out.  Over the course of the next couple days, we move around the face and rip through that glorious cone nose. The LAST thing to eat are those supple, all-seeing, flying-saucer eyes. Cookie Puss has to watch the whole time, poor soul, but his sacrifice is noble and his heart is strong.  We should all hope to achieve the level of poise, strength, and courage that Cookie Puss shows year, after year, after year, after year.

Now, you've been introduced.  Should you see a Puss in your local Carvel Ice Cream cooler, give him a wink.  Purchase him for a friend, or even yourself.  Look into those eyes and see the happiness that he knows his sacrifice is bringing to so many.  Relish in that moment, then eat your (and his) heart out.

Try not to Ruffle my Poutine

Thanks Canada - said nobody, ever.

Eh, I've never visited our neighbor to the north, so I can't hate.  Luckily for me, a close buddy (aka "The Professor) decided to relocate up to Montreal and recently shared a hidden gem that is available in Labatt's Land.

Poutine Flavored Ruffles

In case you're not familiar, Poutine is a dish that is served in many flavors and styles.  The most common Poutine is similar to what we know here in the states as "disco fries".  The makeup of the dish is a bed of french fries, smothered in a brown gravy (usually beef stock) which serves to melt the heaping amount of cheese curds on top.  This last part is usually what turns off most people from the idea of Poutine.  For some reason, people hear "cheese curds" and think that there is some nasty process involved.  There isn't:  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheese_curd  Thanks, Internet.


I, on the other hand, am a HUGE fan of cheese curds (as you could probably imagine). I don't recall the first time I had them, but I've always loved 'em and been able to easily to polish off a pile of cheese curds in a hot second.  The curds also come in a variety of flavors if you find the right market: horseradish, cheddar, jack, pepper jack, dill, taco, etc. Mmmm...  wait, what was I talking about?

It should be noted that the packaging takes the time to remind you that these are actually GOOD for you if you think about it:

Oh yeah... poo-poo, Poutine.

I had only heard of Poutine, and (as most loyal readers would know, hahaha) I just hopped off the Lay's "Do Us A Flavor" train.  I kept thinking to myself, "am I capable of doing another side by side?" Nevertheless, I relied on the idea that I understood enough about how Poutine and its relation to my old, Jersey-based friend, the disco fry.  Off we went.  

When I first tasted the chip, it was rich, flavorful and certainly unique.  As some know, I have strong opinions about Ruffles and their basic design, but they do provide a strong foundation for holding hearty flavors.  The girth and shear real estate of the chip allows for layering of flavors when trying to tackle something like this.  Obviously, tackling a potato based dish when crafting a new flavor is a great starting point, but the flavor designers were really able to focus on capturing the nuances of the peppery gravy, and the meaty base that encompasses the original dish.  Apparently they believed they nailed it too, because they had to specify on the outside of the bag that the bag didn't really have Poutine inside.

I suddenly found myself in a quandary because I didn't have a concrete grasp on whether they had really captured the flavor of a traditional Poutine.  There was only one thing to do: consult the Internet and find the closest Poutine.  Luckily, I live a stones throw away from one of the biggest cities in the world, so tracking down Poutine was easier than expected.  I was pleased to find a cosy watering hole that was actually called "Dive Bar" who not only served a traditional Poutine on their menu, but had a bunch of different "styles" of Poutine circulating as specials during the week.  I knew I had found the right place.

This food did NOT disappoint.  It's the same as disco fries, but different.  The fries are MUCH more saturated in a thick and flavorful gravy, and the cheese is thick and delicious.  Where disco fries use mozzarella to have a stringy, melted consistency a Poutine has those thicker curds that don't melt all the way through and still have a thick, cheesy bite.  You dig your way through a hearty, rich pile of soft potato, half melted cheese, and meaty, smokey gravy.  Like any red-blooded American, I even put a dollop (or a smakeral as my son would call it) of ketchup for the last quarter of the dish, just so that I could mix a nice tomato flavor into the gravy soaked leftovers at the bottom of the dish. Yum.

I was able to affirm that Ruffles had done the Poutine justice.  Sure, they're a bit salty, but that's to be expected when you add that kind of "beef stock" flavor to a salt ridden chip vessel.  Of course, if I ever find my way to the mighty north, I'll be sure to try some authentic Poutine, and I wish that this review could encourage the ever enthusiastic readers of Faturated Sats to run out to their local snack purveyor and grab a bag.  Unfortunately, this is a delicacy that only the hockey playing hosers up in Canada can get their hands on.  Take a trip, folks. Canada's calling:  POOOOOOTEEEEEEENN!!!

Storming The Castle

"The crave is a powerful thing"

That is absolutely true, and "the crave" punches Fat Mike in the face about 4 times a year.  This time, it led to the meal pictured below:

This meal was fueled by the excuse that people I worked with had NEVER eaten White Castle before. I seized the opportunity to hit the castle, and hit it HARD.

After quickly perusing the White Castle website, and downloading the White Castle APP (which is VERY worth it, by the way) I realized that I'd been overlooking the castle as more than just a stronghold for my sack... of burgers (you sick people).  Until this point, I had only journeyed to the Castle to grab a 10 (or 20) pack of burgers to feed my slider monkey, but there is a WORLD of other options that most may not have known about.  No worries... allow me to educate you.

To keep this simple, I'm going to review all of the sandwiches that I consumed during my 15min visit from WORST to best. You'll have to read (or scroll) to see which one came out on top.

The Jalapeno Chesse Slider - I went into this one thinking that it would be a solid grab because it embraces everything about the original White Castle slider with a smooth cheese and some spice. I couldn't have been more disappointed. Not only was the flavor bland, but the spice was virtually non-existent.  If there were jalapenos in the burger, I didn't taste 'em.  If it was supposed to have spicy cheese, it didn't.  I'm SO glad that I didn't open with this one or save it for last.  Ugh. Do not recommend. A waste of money and a waste of more useful eating space.


The Bacon Cheddar Grilled Chicken Slider- PLEASE image search this sandwich on the InterWeb and compare it to the sandwich I have pictured to the left.  I understand that White Castle can't necessarily be held accountable for consistency when cranking out low quality food by the dozen, but c'mon.  Not only was the chicken patty lackluster in size and flavor, but aside from the abundance of bacon (which I appreciated) there was almost no cheese whatsoever.  This just proved to me that White Castle isn't necessarily putting the effort into the "chicken" side of their menu even though they tout it on their website.  I guess the chicken battle going on in fast food these days doesn't worry the knights of the white castle.  Step up your chicken game, fellas.

The Classic - Yes, the other two were bad enough that I included the classic slider to emphasize that they are not good enough to forego the classic in any circumstance.  Besides, how could I overlook a slider that I could EASILY eat 20 of at any given moment?  It makes the list as a steady, and consistent "go to".

The Turkey Dinner Slider - Yes, I spent $20 at White Castle during the Thanksgiving holiday season.  Was I surprised to find that White Castle had crafted a specialty slider embracing traditional Thanksgiving flavors? Absolutely.  Did I have any choice about whether to try it? No, I didn't.
As MC Phife Dawg would say: "You get an E for effort, and a T for nice try" White Castle. This wasn't a bad eat by any means.  The sandwich consisted of a turkey burger topped with a sweet potato waffle fry, and a cranberry sauce spread on the traditional slider bun. I'm a big fan of the turkey burger and was happy to see that White Castle was offering this alternative.  However, there was no way to stop the turkey from tasting dried out and the cranberry sauce was too sweet for its own good.  Had they decided to use a cranberry jelly (like the canned stuff) that might have worked better.  But putting the more "fresh" cranberry lipstick on this pig just overwhelmed the sandwich a bit with sweetness.  Nevertheless, the flavors worked well together and played to the Thanksgiving theme they were looking for. Impressive work, White Castle. Very not bad.

Bacon Egg Breakfast Waffle Slider - White Castle does what???

That's right, breakfast folks.  Not only that, it's available ALL DAY.  Not only that, it's not a limited menu!! Take THAT punch to your clown balls Ronald McDonald!  Unfortunately, The Fat didn't have the capacity to take down the whole breakfast AND lunch menu in the same sitting, but I decided that the Waffle Slider would provide a good foundation for seeing what the White Castle breakfast had to offer.
This was GOOD stuff.  If inclined, I would CERTAINLY walk into the Castle and order up a 10pack of these to bring to a tailgate, or enjoy as a comfy weekend breakfast.  The waffle stayed reasonably crispy, but I can't imagine that would withstand any resting time past 10min or so. However, with a little bit of ketchup and Shiracha this sandwich could provide the perfect recovery for a weekend warrior on the mend after a mean bender.  The fried egg, bacon slices, cheese, and waffle make for a perfectly executed breakfast sandwich.  In addition, it makes for a good tiny-bite breakfast for those who don't want to get overwhelmed with a bulky sandwich.  Keep an eye out for an updated post, should I decide to tackle the White Castle breakfast menu. This was a solid motivator. TBD

The Veggie Slider - This was the dark horse of the group.  I didn't expect much. To be honest, when initially ordering I thought the Veggie burger would be ranked where the Jalapeno currently sits, but this was GOOD!! First positive, it's only $0.99!  That's right! Second positive, it's ACTUALLY a veggie burger.  Need proof? White Castle was issued Peta's "Kind Fast Food" award for this slider. Hahaha.
"It’s made with actual peas, carrots, zucchini, spinach, and broccoli" - PETA
The icing on the cake is that the sandwich comes with a CHOICE of sauces for topping: Ranch or Thai Chili. I went with the ranch sauce because I simply didn't know what to expect, but after consumption I would have definitely tried the thai sauce just to see the difference.  I couldn't have been more impressed with how soft, tasty, and surprisingly fresh this slider was. Come to think of it, I never would've expected White Castle to even acknowledge this demographic of slider considering their reputation and history in the fast food world.  If you submit to the crave as often as I do, go in and give this one a try.  Man up, and add it to your sack.

Finally, The Winner Is...

White Castle's Surf & Turf Slider!!!

I know what you're thinking, "Either Steve Harvey is gonna chime in and announce a different winner, or Fat Mike's lost his mind".  At first, I thought I might be going crazy, too.  In fairness, this was the last sandwich I took down, but that could have only added to the very clear fact that this sandwich is a fantastic accent to the White Castle menu and truly shows that the knights of the castle are on duty and ready to serve.  What makes it even better is that it's an item that's listed on the "secret menu" for most White Castle franchises. (see here)  This has cheese on the bottom AND top of the slider, with chopped white onion, a golden fried fish patty, and double stack of slider meat.  Coming in at a wallet busting $3.99 it is by far the most expensive item within the castle walls, but it is worth EVERY penny.  I wouldn't go breaking the bank with a 20pack order anytime, but grabbing a few while on the go would make for a good time.  The blend of the flavors was perfect, and as your mouth chomps through the bread, makes it's way into the crispy fish, and then mixes that all together with that mushy burger... it just don't get any better.  This slider is a GAME changer, and a MUST TRY on the Fat's recommendation list.  Got a craving? RUN to your nearest castle, grab a sack, and throw this in there for good measure.  Your mouth and tummy with thank you (and me) when it's all over.  HERE, HERE to the Castle! Long may the crave forever feed the dark knight that sleeps within me.

McDonald's Fu#@!*g Breakfast

As has happened in the past, The Fat is blessed to have friends that embrace his enthusiasm for experiencing all he can in the world of delicious food.  In this case, the team effort came from a work colleague who knows how to have a good time, and when to cut loose for stuffing the face.  Thanks, Sam.

The Ultimate McDonald's F$@!%ng Breakfast

I'm sure that when McDonald's restaurants announced that they were doing an All-Day breakfast menu, there were plenty of people who thought, "well, that's a nice change. Maybe I'll take advantage of that one day?"  Fat Mike, on the other hand, saw this as an opportunity to take his McDonald's experience one step further.  Thankfully, The Fat was not left to tackle this adventure alone.  What is the intention, you ask?  To take the best of both menus and put them together to create an epic eating experience and elevate McDonald's to the next level.

To the left, you have The Fat Mike order: a traditional Quarter Pounder with Cheese, Sausage Egg McMuffin, and a Hash Brown. Below, Sam's contribution: An order of Hotcakes with a Premium Buttermilk Crispy Chicken patty.  At this point, it should be noted that the all-day breakfast menu only has a limited number of items available.  The intention was to use McGriddles for the Chicken Sandwich, but that item is ONLY available during regular breakfast hours.  See here or a list of items typically available depending on location.

Obviously, the intention is to marry the two menu items together in the best way possible to create a cohesive and delicious sandwich. NOT just combine every single ingredient.  In the case of the quarter pounder, the English Muffin was cast aside for the sesame seed bun. In addition, I opted to leave off the hash brown to be added later after diving into the initial burger, egg, sausage combo. Sam opted to leave the typical veggie fixin's off of her Chicken Hotcake Sandwich and obviously chose the buttermilk execution of the chicken options.  However, the decision was made to add syrup to the Chicken Sandwich to create a more "chicken and waffles-like" feel.  These are individual choices on the part of the eater and are not to be criticized.

It is incredibly difficult to describe how epic this eat was, and how perfectly this execution went down, but I'll try anyway.

There were no size disparities or need to augment any ingredients in order to create these two Franken-Sandwiches.  All ingredients were fresh and hot.  Admittedly, there was a much longer wait time for the hotcakes, but they were cooked to perfection nonetheless.  Sure, the waste is a side effect of the crossover, but as you can see from the pictures there was plenty of reason to look forward to diving into these bad boys.  Although I was able to taste both sandwiches, we'll open with my QP breakfast because it was my intended brainchild for the visit. 

The first bite was exactly as I had envisioned.  What surprised me the most was the great division that the egg provided between the dressed burger patty, and the bit of spice from the sausage.  The onions, cheese and pickles added and omelette-like feel to the whole sandwich, and that perfectly firm egg that's expected from the McDonald's breakfast blended beautifully into the experience. Damn, it was good. The ONLY way that this could get better was to finally throw in the hash brown.  Admittedly, the sandwich can stand alone without it if you don't feel like throwing down another $1.50, but I had already decided to test it out. 

 The greasy, salty and mushy element succeeded in making the sandwich a little tastier and more gluttonous.  The difference between the first bit sans hash brown was simply the guilt.  Nowadays, putting an egg on a burger isn't that big a deal.  If anything, it's been overdone to the point of becoming cliche.  However, when done at McDonald's it's hard to overlook the quality of the ingredients that you're eating.  I don't typically subscribe to the "guilt" of eating fast foods, but once the hash brown found it's way onto the Franken-Sandwich I tasted that things may have gone a little too far.  In addition, you can see that the stack was a bit of an undertaking.  For the average eater, that might have seemed daunting, but the Fat had no trouble.  That being said, I sat back in my chair and savored every bite until the sandwich was nothing but a memory.  Are there better $12 burgers in NYC? Of course there are.  But I know there are a lot of legitimate McDonald's fans out there, and if you're one of those folks wander in and give this a try.  It's worth it.

I know what you're wondering: How was the Hotcake Chicken Sandwich? It was good.  Was it a revelation? Unfortunately not.  I think that there was room for negotiation in terms of how the "sandwich" was constructed, but the whole thing came together as a typical "chicken and waffles" style dish. Reflecting afterward, perhaps the McMuffin portion of my sandwich could've provided a stronger vessel for the whole thing.  In THAT case, the stack would've been: Mcmuffin/ pankcake/ syrup/ chicken/ McMuffin. However, this would've required trimming the pancake slightly and possible cheese residue left over from the McMuffin sandwich from which it was lifted.  That would've effected the overall cleanliness of the eat, and was an afterthought for good reason.  All of these combined thoughts and reflections made it obvious that the ideal combination for the chicken sandwich would be the McGriddles, but that requires deliberate timing and intention.  The sandwich combos that are noted above can be obtained at ANY time of day if the mood strikes.  That offers substantial advantage when contemplating the crave.  Keep this in the front of  your minds, folks.  You don't just have to be in the mood for Mickey D's breakfast when you walk into a franchise in the middle of the day.  This new menu option opens up a wealth of opportunity for McDonald's loyalists to get adventurous and see what wondrous combinations are out there to be made.  

  

Brach's the Casbah (or The Cream of the Candy Corn Crop)

Candy Corn Tasting!!

Tis the season for Candy Corn!!

Here's how this went down: Someone in my office brought in a bag of "Gold Emblem Pumpkin Spice Candy Corn" and left it in the communal space for all to consume.  Nobody knew who planted it, but dialogue started to spatter around about why someone would leave the candy corn out there.  Are they giving it away because they didn't like it? Are they sharing it because it's so delicious? Eventually, it came out that some people DESPISE candy corn on a cellular level.  This exposed a feud between groups which inevitably led to the declaration that the BEST candy corn on the market is made by Brach's, and that there was no way that this his Gold Emblem stuff could hold a candle to Brach's Pumpkin Spice candy corn if it exists in the market.

In the end, it was up to the Fat to ensure that this dispute could be settled in a definitive manner. Having a finger on the pulse of the snack world, I knew that Brach's would have a product locater on their website. I was able to track down the Pumpkin Spice flavor, and a convenient purchase location close to home.  Little did I know, that by opening Pandora's BRACH'S (you see what I did there?) I would find\a myriad of alternate flavors in addition to the seasonal flavor that I was looking for.  Aside from the traditional candy corn that we all know (and only some of us love), additional flavors included:
Pumpkin Spice, Caramel, Smores, and Caramel Macchiato.
Please note: the flavors chosen were readily available at a single location. Two additional flavors (peanut butter cup and fruit creme) were not included in the tasting.

We'll start with the intended Pumpkin Spice taste-off.  As you can see, there was an obvious visual difference between the Emblem's and the Brach's.  Brach's had a more traditional looking candy corn with an orange base, while the competitor went with the brown cinnamon look for their execution.  At first, I viewed this as a distinct advantage because I immediately thought to myself, "ya see? Brach's knows what their doing!"  To my surprise, this created a drastic difference in taste between the two in a surprising way.  The Brach's corn was MUCH sweeter.  The use of the cinnamon base by the Gold Emblem folks made for a much less abrasive sweetness and a slightly more "authentic" pumpkin flavor.  However, there was something "off pudding" about the overall taste of the Gold Emblem corn and how the flavors broke down together during the eat.  Neither one was really "pleasing" to eat a bunch of.  Either could be considered something that a kid would try in their grandparent's candy bowl and not go back for seconds.  If I were going to declare a winner, I'd say that Brach's lost the group vote. Some stayed loyal to the brand, but The Fat was \more satisfied by the Gold Emblem alternative as well as other office eaters.  Gold Emblem is a CVS brand, and the day might come when I wander into a CVS and grab some traditional candy corn to try out after this tasting.  However, I wouldn't seek out CVS corn as a Brach's alternative.  Eh, I'm weary of the whole "pumpkin spice" thing anyway.



Now, let's get down to the other flavors.

It is very rare that food (of any kind) kicks up a gag reflex, but hot damn if those S'mores flavored candy corns aren't one of the NASTIEST things I've had in a LONG time.  I was SHOCKED at how gross those candy corn were.  I'm not sure what the exact problem was because the flavors were so muddled, and I didn't want to dig back in for a more comprehensive breakdown. Just trust me when I tell you... gross.

The Caramel were decent, but as you can see in the picture above there was no white element to the candy corn.  I think this was because it would introduce a vanilla flavor to an otherwise consistent caramel flavor, but that just made the whole corn a little lackluster.  It was just too much of one note. There was no nuance or depth of flavor to the corn, which made it boring and lifeless.  Eh...

The dark horse was the Caramel Macchiato. When asked what the grossest flavor was going to be before ANY of the bags were opened, the universal answer would be "Caramel Macchiato".  But I'll be DAMNED if this wasn't one of the more delicious candies I've had in a long time.  The balance of the coffee with the caramel, and then (of course) the addition of that milky, vanilla that you get just from the tip (yeah, I said it) was perfect.  I thought I might have been going crazy from the mediocre S'mores experience, so I cleansed my palette with some traditional corn and then threw back a few more Caramel Macchiatos.  Yep, it was still good.  I was so impressed.  This flavor vanished quickly afterward because I just couldn't put it down.  I would definitely seek this out for a future eat, or perhaps a bring to a party with a group that is candy corn friendly.  Surprising.  Go check it out for yourself.

Ah... the refreshing, sugary, and delicious taste of the original.  This can't be beat.  I don't need to remind fans out there how good it is.  Just remember that it's out there more than just once a year. Mmmmmm....

Posthumous Posting

Taco Bell's Daredevil Loaded Grillers

This edition of FatSats opens with an apology.  Normally, The Fat is able stay on top of what's out there in order to properly notify the blogosphere about new menu items currently available in the delicious and ever-changing world of food. Unfortunately, I've been delinquent in my duties (haha, I said dooty).  This latest post contains information about a delicious release from Taco Bell which is no longer in market: The Daredevil Loaded Grillers.  Many eaters, and fans of the Bell (including myself) were unaware that these menu items were part of a LTO, and that's why pages like this (click here) have been popping up all over the Internet.  I apologize for not getting this out in time.  It fell off my radar for posting, while the experience lingered in my memory and the pictures lived on my phone.

Apology accepted? Good. Let's get to it.

This fantastic addition to the already glorious Taco Bell menu had 2 things going for it:  there were 3 different grillers all varying in hotness, and they were all just a bit over $1 (depending on tax).  How could anyone NOT run to their nearest location to give these grillers a whirl?  Of course, there was NO WAY that I could avoid doing a side-by-side evaluation of the temperature/flavor differences, so I got all 3 at once.

The temperatures were: Mild Chipotle, Medium Habanero and Fiery Ghost Pepper.  Those of you who had the pleasure of reading my last post regarding Ghost Pepper chips from Trader Joe's have already endured my soap box opinion of misusing the Ghost Pepper title in a flavor profile, so I won't rehash that nightmare.  Nevertheless, Taco Bell is never afraid of throwing a little fire in the food, so I was reasonably excited at the prospect of a fiery griller from the folks at The Bell.

Each wrap is crafted individually, so I'm not going to pick apart the contents too much.  I don't really care about which had "more meat", or "less sauce".  The focus of this post will be on the flavors and how the different degrees of heat measured up.

The Chipotle was decent. (see left)  The smokiness typically found when using chipotle pepper was there, and married well to the other ingredients like the ground beef and the crispy red chips. Nevertheless, chipotle is a fairly common taste at The Bell and doesn't offer the eater a new or unique experience.  The flavor permeates through the cheese sauce and carries through the entire eat.  However, as with other items on the menu, this subtle, smokey sauce just blends together with the meat and doesn't "jump" out at the eater.  It works really well in the griller, but isn't something that would draw me back through the doors for a "reap-eat". (Comment if you think I should trademark that word or submit to Webster's. Definition: a) being compelled to eat something a 2nd time, or b) a food that is SO good it is worth eating until you die from over consumption)

The Habanero was a 

REVELATION! (see right)  There was SO much done right with the balance of flavors, and the bite that you get from the pepper in the sauce was perfect.  You can see in the pics that the peppers added to the sauce stand on their own and atop of the additional ingredients in the griller.  It had a unique zest of flavor that grabbed my attention from the first bite.  Additionally, there was an IMMEDIATE difference between the chipotle and the habanero. The smokiness was set aside for a refreshing mix of what tasted like jalapeno and roasted poblano.  If anything, having the chipotle first made the habanero eat better because it provided a stark basis for comparison.  I was a big fan of this griller, and were I to petition Taco Bell to bring back the Daredevil grillers, I would at least request that they reincarnate this singular flavor.

At last, we close with the "Fiery Ghost Pepper" griller.  Taco Bell always likes to issue challenges to their loyal eaters, and this was obviously what the "Daredevil" title was all about.  My hope was that TB would be granted some creative license to push the envelope a little further than most who claim that something will be "Ghost Pepper" hot.  For a few moments before the eat, I was a little bit scared that they'd really bring it, but alas I was disappointed again. Keep in mind, I'm not a "spice seeker", but I have an expectation that when people develop these foods they intend to market them accurately, and I hate when lies are revealed.

All this griller had was more heat.  There was nothing that contributed a better flavor to the experience.  I think there was some additional spice in the red chips that are in the griller as well as more spice in the sauce, but there wasn't anything else unique or composed that made the eat more enjoyable.  There wasn't any smoke like the chipotle, or depth of flavor like the habanero, just meat and heat.  Fat Mike broke into a bit of a sweat, but that's to be expected. 

If you sit down with the intention of eating all 3, then the fiery option makes for a nice finish to the challenge, but I would never recommend that anyone eat the fiery griller alone.  It's just not worth it. It's not hot enough to be considered a challenge, and there isn't enough of a balance in the flavors to claim that it's "good".  The habanero outshined all others by FAR.  I really wish that The Bell bottled up the cheese sauce they used in that griller and put it on shelves in the local grocery stores. Additionally, I wish that all of you loyal readers out there could go an experience it for yourselves.  I apologize for the tardy review, but at least I can offer you a heads up to go and grab this if it peeks it's head back out into the market.  Keep your eyes peeled, folks.  I habaner-KNOW you'll love it!!

Did I just see a GHOST?!?

Nah... It was just those crazy folks at Trader Joe's.

I gotta open with a shout out to my bro's-bro, Ari, for calling these to my attention.   I always appreciate hearing about what's new out there, and I encourage ALL readers to reach out to Fat Mike ANYTIME with suggestions, or items you come across that you think I should try.  As a reminder, I always welcome guest posts should you decide to take on any unique snack yourself, but if you haven't got the gumption...I'll tumble for ya'.

Before the review, there are a couple of things that should be made clear.  I am not a regular shopper of Trader Joe's.  I don't "hate" on the store by any means, but it doesn't typically offer things that draw my enthusiasm.  My wife swears that this place has great stuff, but every time I'm in there it is such a crowded and disorganized mess that I leave it to her to navigate those treacherous waters.  The bag of chips that are pictured above were purchased by my beautiful and accepting wife for the specific purpose of this tasting.

In addition, I'm VERY much against the "Ghost Pepper" flavor claim that is permeating the food market lately.  Remember a while back when everything was "Artisan"?

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/artisan

There were Artisan Tostios, Artisan Subway melts, Artisan Wheat Thins and all sorts of other foods that were either produced on a massive scale, or lacking anything related to a "high quality ingredient".  It became a label and nothing more.  Totally ridiculous and misrepresented in every way.  The same has happened to the Ghost Chili.  Allow me to drop some education on y'all people.  Chili peppers are measured in "Scoville Units" (see picture below)

As you can see in the chart, your "run o' the mill" Jalapeno can average about 5k Scoville units.  The Bhut Jolokia (or Ghost Chili) pepper measures 1 MILLION Scoville units.  This bad boy is FIREY hot, and there are GREAT eaters out there who have been sent crying to their mamas after even taking a bite of one of these mofos.  Therefore, it is INCONCEIVABLE  that any company could release ANY food to the general public that could promise the "Ghost Chili" experience.  Nevertheless, as someone who appreciates hot foods I can understand why using the name would help to distinguish the "hot" stuff from the "ghost hot" options in the market.  Nevertheless, I walk into every experience with a little bit of skepticism.

Now that my ranting is over, let's talk chips.

 The first thing you notice is the weight and build.  These are well made, hearty chips.  Obviously, I was put off by the style of the chip, but I've come to expect that if a chip-maker is trying to pack bold flavors in a chip they choose either a kettle cook, or ridged vessel.  There was not a strong scent in the bag, which I found unusual, and the overall look of the chip was rather unassuming. (left) It didn't have any distinguishing colors or textures, and there wasn't any burn when handling the chip.  The eat, however, was unexpectedly delightful.  The chips had a well balanced group of spices that gave them a bit of a "brightness". When that passed, you'd start to feel the creeping of some heat.  That is what lingered on the pallet in the end.  As the flavors dispersed, the mild heat would stay.  It had a strength and a subtlety all at the same time.  As if the infinitesimal amount of ghost chili was just enough to "wet the whistle" and provide the eater with the perfect amount of strong heat without watering the eyes or melting the tongue.  I have a fair tolerance for heat, so my wife volunteered as a "control" to better measure whether the poetry on the back of the bag (pictured above) wasn't just being lost on me.  She was able to confirm that while the chips had a pleasant heat there was no reason to claim them as intolerable for most casual eaters.  I want to make that clear in case people may still be scared off my the "Ghost Pepper" title.

The experience was a positive one.  All eaters were satisfied.  Did this chip live up to the "ghost" expectations? No way.  However, TJs did successfully create a chip that is pleasant to eat, with pleasant heat, that makes a pleasant treat.  If you are a regular at Trader Joe's (or just tolerant enough to walk in the place), I recommend grabbing this bag.  It makes for a GREAT sandwich chip, and really does a great job carving out a space for itself in the snack market.  I only wish that I could grab them in a regular snack isle.  I guess I'll have to keep sending my lovely wife on retrieval missions.